Cosmic Forecast, Mar. 28-Apr. 3

What Jesus complex? I’m just hanging out in my front room. Happy “Ishtar” to you all, followed by a/the happy April Fool! Everybody plays the fool sometimes. This year, surrender to your role and find the meaning in/to (y)our foolishness. Have fun with it! If it’s not fun — it’s not done. Peace and love to everyone. Happy spring! There are no mistakes.

a ARIES (3.20-4.18)  Unexpectedly, they call. Your heart gallops as they stutter/explain that they don’t know why they called — perhaps it’s the mating call of the beautifully bewildered? Maybe a colleague wants you to unexpectedly jump to the other side? You hope and pray that it’s so… It’s happened before, and…

entered on 03/28/13 at 05:18 AM | read more »

The Real Shizzle

Parking Spot Found in Benson

“I couldn’t believe my luck,” Nick Thomas said as he exited his car. He was just steps from Beercade, the quirky arcade-themed tavern in uber-hip Benson. “I was able to park along Maple Street! My horoscope said that amazing things were going to happen to me today but I had no idea it’d be something this fantastic.”

Not one to miss an opportunity, Thomas was planning on making the most of his good fortune. “I’m going to wait until 10:15 or so and then I’m going to start taking bids on my parking space.” It’s not an uncommon practice, he said, noting that spots in front of locations like the Waiting Room…

entered on 03/27/13 at 08:42 PM | read more »

Another Sharp Dressed Man

Mayor’s Race Shakeup: McCheese leads

Omaha has seen its race for mayor turned on its head by the surprise inclusion of a second incumbent, Mayor McCheese, whose tenure in McDonald’s-land has led to both unprecedented French fry prosperity and childhood obesity. Conservative opponents Jean Stothert and Dave Nabity have tried to outflank the talking cheeseburger on social issues, suggesting his reliance on “fancy ketchup” and French Fries indicates an implicit support of a larger gay agenda. Meanwhile, mayoral candidate Jim Welch hopes to eclipse McCheese on the grounds that only one of them is a fictional talking food item, a position that may threaten Welch’s commanding lead among stoners with the munchies. Welch is believed to be linked…

entered on 03/27/13 at 08:39 PM | read more »

Water: Tap or Bottled? Neither.

Air, water, food — humans need all three to stay alive. All are governed by the classic Rule of Threes: three minutes without air, three days without water or three weeks without food and the consequences are dire. That’s the acute return. But the long-term reality is that bad air, bad water or bad food will kill you just as certainly as no air, no water, no food. It’s just that it might take a little longer.

With springtime comes the melt and increased runoff. Readers may have already noticed that metropolitan tap water smells a tad different these days. In spring, water utilities responsible for meeting federal standards of potability must deal with more biologicals in the…

entered on 03/22/13 at 05:25 PM | read more »

Cosmic Forecast, Mar. 21-27

Dear Cardinal Aries,
Thanks for all the votes and the resultant “holy white smoke,” proving your approval after the most recent removal of the next to last Piscean Pope; heralding the return of St. Peter — according to Catholic Christian mythology and hope. A new age is dawning upon us, heralding a cosmic spring. Just as each astrological sign resolves what was lacking in the preceding sign, so each generation must resolve the disharmonies left by the preceding one. Each age solves its precedent dilemmas. Let us pray. Omnia gloriam de Deum. Thanks for electing me, MOJOPOPE, your “Guru of Vou Dou.”

a ARIES (3.20-4.18)  Wow! This is it! On your mark! Venus is…

entered on 03/21/13 at 06:35 AM | read more »

Big Dance + Big East = Big Dreams

March madness indeed. It’s been a month like no other so far for the Creighton basketball program, and the Jays haven’t even put their dancing shoes on yet.

In the span of two weeks, the Jays fought their way out of a hole to capture their first outright regular season Valley title since 2001. Then Creighton and their fans stormed through the field in St. Louis to bring home the Arch Madness trophy, with junior phenom Doug McDermott becoming the school’s all-time leading scorer along the way. Then to trump it all, news came down that Creighton has been invited and is expected to join the Big East Conference starting next season.

“I don’t think it’s been…

entered on 03/18/13 at 04:54 PM | read more »

Cosmic Forecast, Mar. 14-Mar. 20

Happy spring, next week — when once again, we’ll speak. One more week to dream, and then it’ll be time to scheme a plan for your new scene. Nightie-night ’til then, my friend. —From the best-dressed barefoot man you know, the Golden Troll of Rock ’n’ Roll, MOJOPO.

l PISCES (2.18-3.19)  Last chance to rule/ride the mystical world/wave of your mind. Here come the pragmatic pioneers (Aries) to clear out all the debris and fears of last year’s psychological vagaries (guess who?), facilitating a decision to initiate something to create this year’s spark that ignites/flowers into the fire of your spring. Faith and begorrah! Finish all of your March meditations with a symbolic corned beef…

entered on 03/14/13 at 04:10 AM | read more »

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Bud Rising

When Terence "Bud" Crawford defends his WBO lightweight title June 28 at the CenturyLink Center, he'll fight for himself, his tight-knit family and a...

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Bo Pelini behaved as if he had coached his last game at Nebraska, based on his sideline and post-game decorum, or lack thereof. That was the...

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Attention to detail

If not for Sam Burtch, the most dramatic play of this Nebraska football season might never have happened.

If not for Burtch, Ron Kellogg III...

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Planet Power: Nov. 21 - 27, 2013

Happy Thanksgiving. Let’s be nice to each other and cultivate warm thoughts. You are what you think…


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Planet Power: Nov. 14 - 20, 2013

This issue marks my 17th year here at The “READER.” Thanks to John, Eric, my beloved Carrie, et al., for all your help, encouragement and...

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Planet Power: November 7 - 13, 2013

The new Aquarian-Age astrology is/will be ruled by the planet Uranus (yeah, I’ve heard that joke before). Traditional astrology, prior to the...

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Planet Power: Oct. 31 - Nov. 6, 2013

Happy Halloween! Let your subconscious desires flow as the twilight fades into the black of the night of the year. Don’t fear the night. You have...

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Sunshine Superman

Between the balmy, carefree beats of the Beach Boys and the edgier introspection of the Beatles, showing less grit than Dylan and more mysticism than...

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Holistic vs. Conventional

There are two kinds of medicine being practiced in the United States and mostly they are diametrically opposed. One form is of the traditional sort,...

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Red Meat Roulette

Yes, we live in a red state. When it comes to red meat, Nebraska has more beef on the hoof than any other state save Texas. And if you’re like most...

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Watermelon, Man

The Dog Days of deep summer can make a body desperate for help. The humble watermelon can help you make it through the plight. In August, with most...

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