Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions for January 21

Why would people see a movie this weekend? Don't they know they have to spend Friday night shopping for goodies for Sunday's Bears game, spend Saturday doing the necessary voodoo and sacrifices, and spend Sunday morning crying, breathing into a bag, and then trying not to barf as the Bears attempt to go to the Super Bowl? That's what everybody else is doing right? Well, apparently, that's not what Natalie Portman wants. Even though she's saucy and tempting in a movie that has to do with her trying to please her insatiable lust, I am not fooled. It also stars Ashton Kutcher. So even if I was tempted to tell people to go see it this weekend for her hot lady parts, I'd be recommending Kutcher, and nobody does that. Nobody.

Here's how I see the weekend for those who aren't as big a Bears fan as I am (ie, the rest of the world), haiku style:

1.) No Strings Attached - $18 million
Nice try, Natalie
but I will not be fooled here.
Back, you saucy minx!

2.) The Green Hornet - $17 million
Hope you liked last week
because it's all downhill now.
Say "bye bye" Hornet.

3.) The Dilemma - $9 million
This is a big flop
but I could have told you that.
Comedies need jokes.

4.) True Grit - $8 million
Keep it up, Rooster!
This is a remake legend!
Give us more Westerns!!!

5.) The King's Speech - $8 million
It's just not that good.
I mean, I know it's not bad
but it isn't GOOD.

Wildcard - Black Swan - $7.5 million
Two-hit Natalie
has a lot to be proud of!
Except for her laugh.

Okay, that's it for me. It's now all Bears all the time.

Follow me on Twitter and hear me freak out about the Bears.

posted at 10:48 pm
on Friday, January 21st, 2011

COMMENTS

(We're testing Disqus commenting (finally!); please let us know if you have trouble.)

comments powered by Disqus

 

« Previous Page


Cutting Room for September 12

In an age of Kickstarted shenanigans and other tomfoolery, here comes some positive news: Dan Mirvish has made good on a 20-year-old promise. When his investors on Omaha (the movie) first backed his...

more »


Cutting Room for September 5

I hate it when people talk during movies. But I love it when people play symphonic music live in the theater while I watch a movie! What luck, Alloy Orchestra is returning to Film Streams’ Ruth...

more »


Movieha! Omaha’s Favorite Movie Podcast

On Your Radar: Rosewater

Netflix Roulette:Girl Rising

Please sign up for our RSS feed HERE, download our podcasts and rave about us in the comments section of iTunes HERE, follow us on Twitter...

more »


Movieha! Omaha’s Favorite Movie Podcast

On Your Radar: Far From Men

Netflix Roulette:Blue Ruin

Please sign up for our RSS feed HERE, download our podcasts and rave about us in the comments section of iTunes HERE, follow us on...

more »


Cutting Room for August 29

How much more can failed 1980s television show “The Greatest American Hero” give us as a people? Not only was it groundbreaking for its willingness to cast a dude with a perm as a superhero, but it...

more »







Advanced Search