All the news I feel like printing for Tuesday

Sorry this is later in the day. It's hard to get back into the swing of things after you've been gone for so long. I feel like Michael Jordan after he retired to play baseball trying to find his jump shot again. Of course, there's one pretty obvious difference between me and MJ: I live in Omaha.

Things are starting to pick up again after the holiday lull, meaning an egg nogg-and-rum hangover officially lasts 12 days. We have a smattering of minor casting news, Pixariffic information, award nominations, a clay Machete, and the cast photo of a remake of a Charlie Sheen movie (uncross your fingers, it's not a remake of Money Talks).

First up, Monsters Inc 2 is coming...like it or not. I for one like it...but I like a lot of things that nobody else likes, such as sleeping in cold temperatures and "Saturday Night Live." The interwebs went crazy about NEW NEWS REGARDING THIS IMPENDING PIXAR SEQUEL!!!! OMG!!! Except...the news came from an interview that's reeeeeaaaaally old. So take it with a gigantic grain of salt that next year, these two lovable monsters may be starring in a PREQUEL where they are in college.

Whatever. Sounds good to me. I'd trust Pixar to babysit my child at this point. Hell, I may trust Pixar to father a child at this point. Furthermore on the Pixar front, the Toy Story characters are STILL not done being played with yet. No, they're not launching Toy Story 4 (yet), but they are returning in a short that will be in front of...sigh...Cars 2. The automobile-animated extravaganza represents the least promising Pixar work yet, screaming "SHOW ME THE MONEY" louder than Cuba Gooding Jr (and I don't mean in Jerry Maguire, I mean when he robbed someone at gunpoint for money to eat yesterday). Still, news that Buzz and Woody will be in front of that money-grubber makes me happy. Apparently, the short will follow Barbie and Ken as their honeymoon to Hawaii is canceled, forcing the gang to give them a staycation, It's A Wonderful Life style. So...yay, the toys are back...again...

Speaking of back, after showing us her Beaver with Mel Gibson (never gonna get old), Jodie Foster is going to star in a project that continues to leap up my most anticipated scale.

The film is Elysium, and I have no idea what it's about. All I know is that it's Neill Blomkamp's follow-up to District 9...so I'm good with that. Also starring Sharlto Copely and Matt Damon, all we know is that the film is "set on another world." Maybe in that world, Foster is open about her sexuality and Gibson isn't racist. What? I said maybe.

Beauty and the Beast 3D is indeed happening! It's just happening some place much closer to you than theaters. No, not in your pants. That's a good guess though.

Instead, the hairy/pretty duo will be all up in the third dimension ONLY on Blu-Ray and not in theaters. This is delightful news to suckers like me who just bought their wives the movie on regular Blu-Ray. Thanks, Disney!!

Writer's Guild Nominations always seem smart to me. Maybe because they're given to writers? I generally like those guys. There are so many weird rules for each award ceremony, so just know that not all the best movies were even allowed to be nominated. Here they are:

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

  • Black Swan, Screenplay by Mark Heyman and Andres Heinz and John McLaughlin; Story by Andres Heinz
  • The Fighter, Screenplay by Scott Silver and Paul Tamasy & Eric Johnson; Story by Keith Dorrington & Paul Tamasy & Eric Johnson
  • Inception, Written by Christopher Nolan
  • The Kids Are All Right, Written by Lisa Cholodenko & Stuart Blumberg
  • Please Give, Written by Nicole Holofcener

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

  • 127 Hours, Screenplay by Danny Boyle & Simon Beaufoy; Based on the book Between a Rock and a Hard Place by Aron Ralston
  • I Love You Phillip Morris, Written by John Requa & Glenn Ficarra; Based on the book by Steven McVicker
  • The Social Network, Screenplay by Aaron Sorkin; Based on the book The Accidental Billionaires by Ben Mezrich
  • The Town, Screenplay by Peter Craig and Ben Affleck & Aaron Stockard; Based on the novel Prince of Thieves by Chuck Hogan
  • True Grit, Screenplay by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen; Based on the novel by Charles Portis

DOCUMENTARY SCREENPLAY

  • Enemies of the People, Written, Directed, Filmed and Produced by Rob Lemkin and Thet Sambath
  • Freedom Riders, Written, Produced and Directed by Stanley Nelson
  • Gasland, Written and Directed by Josh Fo
  • Inside Job, Produced, Written and Directed by Charles Ferguson; Co-written by Chad Beck, Adam Bolt
  • The Two Escobars, Written by Michael Zimbalist, Jeff Zimbalist
  • Who Is Harry Nilsson (And Why Is Everybody Talkin’ About Him)?, Written and Directed by John Scheinfeld

An interesting batch of nominees. None surprising...can't think of any big snubs. I'm okay with it. Take that Golden Globes stupidfaces with your Tourist nominations. Blech.

As if to prove the movie exists, we finally get to see what the cast of Red Dawn, the second best thing Charlie Sheen ever did next to landing a lucrative paycheck for an ongoing family comedy series while totally whacked out on blow and beating hookers, looks like in the new remake.

Wow. They look like kids with guns. However stupid this may seem, I'm going to have to resist the battle cry of WOLVERINES when they make it. I just love the original so damn much. And I don't care who knows it!!!

And now, as we always do, let's end with a claymation version of Danny Trejo as Machete trying to sell you Lipton Ice Tea.

Come back tomorrow when I think I'm going to finally write my essay that mediates between Kevin Smith and movie critics. I'm not here just for my own glorification, you know...I want to use the power of a moderately interesting Web site to leverage peace and harmony. And if that fails, I'll probably just stick with my own glorification.

Follow me on Twitter...or don't...but please do..

posted at 09:44 pm
on Tuesday, January 04th, 2011

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