Things You Should Buy Me (Volume 58)

Over the course of the weekend, I discovered something. No, not a package that was sent to me containing free goodies. Why didn't I discover that? Because you didn't buy me anything. Just like the week before. Nothing. You and nobody you knew contacted me at film@thereader.com and got my address to send me sweet swag that I would brag about. Season of giving my ass. No, what I discovered was...this is somehow one of the more popular columns I do. I mean, I get the appeal of Thursday's column, as who doesn't look forward to seeing my junk? But the fact that others love this little segment was perplexing to me. Why? Well, that's because it means that people are reading it AND NOT SENDING ME ANYTHING! It was an admission of guilt! Obviously, they saw through my clever internet persona and realized I was mostly kidding (I said mostly). So with that in mind, here is the stuff those people have been waiting to hear about for this week:

1.) I stab my drinks colder - Of all the things that people have noted seeing in this column, the most popular item hands down were the ice cube trays designed to make thin ice slices for water bottles. Well then, have I got a new product for you:

Yeah, those are Ice swords. "How do you keep your drink cold?" "Oh, you know, I STAB IT COLDER!" How badass is that? Sure, you can use them to make Popsicles and such, but it's much more cooler to just be drinking a beverage with a giant sword in it, right? See, I came through for all of you ice fans this week, didn't I?

2.) See, those old negatives WERE good for something! - Remember when you used to actually get physical pictures? You know, in the time before the internet made digital photos so prevalent that a guy can barely finish splitting his pants in public before detailed images of his nether regions are online. Well, back when photos came in envelopes and not email attachments, you used to get negatives with your order. It was so you could use them to make more photos later, but when I was a kid, I just assumed we had some weird slide projector I didn't know about. That or I was the secret owner of the Zapruder film. My imagination was always rather historical. Well, good news for those people who wisely hang on to those negatives:

For a mere $100, the ImageLab will turn your negatives into digital photos of good quality. Howsabout that? Those pictures of you with the 80s bangs and leg warmers? Totally going to be this week's profile picture. This is a brilliant gift idea for old people.

3.) This week I combined my obligatory Star Wars and Threadless segment - Let's face it, every week I pimp Threadless and something Star Wars. I don't mind the former, and the latter is just because that crap has more merchandising than any one thing in history. Seriously, there are more Luke Skywalker-related products than JESUS-related products, and he's the son of God (Jesus, not Luke...man this stuff is out of control). This week, I'm combining the two obligatory items with this from Threadless .

That shirt is called "Hans off my cookie."

Chewbacca is a chocolate chip cookie.

This is a real thing.

And I love it.

And so do you.

That's it for this week. Your job is to start buying me crap and sending me crap and following my crap on Twitter.

posted at 04:24 pm
on Wednesday, December 08th, 2010

COMMENTS

(We're testing Disqus commenting (finally!); please let us know if you have trouble.)

comments powered by Disqus

 

« Previous Page


Cutting Room: On Loitering, Lectures and Living in the Future

One of life’s many mysteries, at least to me, I’ve never understood what actually constitutes “loitering.” So color me double confused at Loitering With Intent. But I know where I can get some...

more »


Cutting Room: V-Day Plans and Oscars Gone Wild

Are you in love and totally broke? Have I gotta a great Valentine’s Day date planned for you! Film Streams just announced an 11-film repertory series featuring Katherine Hepburn and will have a free...

more »


Movieha! Your favorite movie podcast

On Your Radar: Big Game

 

Netflix Roulette:The One I Love Trailer

 

Please sign up for our RSS feed HERE, download our podcasts and rave about us in the comments section of iTunes HERE, follow us...

more »


Cutting Room for January 9, 2015

I’ve never understood the concept of “sister cities.” Like, there’s a city in one part of the world that’s a “sister city” to a city in another part of the world. Somebody get a hold of Maury,...

more »


Omaha’s Red Carpet Selma Premiere

Hey, Hollywood! Yeah, you! You think you’ve got some kinda monopoly on red fabric or what? I’m here to tell you Omaha is doing just fine in red walkable textiles, as Aksarben Cinema is teaming up...

more »







Advanced Search