Contrabland

Contraband isn’t legit

by Matt Lockwood

Let's see a show of hands: Who loves Marky Mark and his funky bunch of acting skills? Is it just my hand raised? I can't see..the lights are awfully dim in here.

Well, even if I am the only one, I have no shame and raise my hand high. In submission to my disorder, this afternoon I wandered out to my local cinema to enjoy a matinee showing of Contraband. The movie picks up with Mr. Wahlberg playing the part of Chris Farraday, the one-time smuggling all-star of New Orleans who has now "gone legit." Only, once more, he finds himself coming to odds with some very bad dudes. The problems stem from his wife's brother, who botches a smuggling run by dumping the cargo when the ship gets boarded. This makes Tim Briggs, our movie's filthy sleazebag (played by Giovanni Ribisi), pretty upset. Like "kill you and then your family til I gets my money" upset. Interesing note: This is the same reason Jabba wanted Han dead all those years ago in a galaxy far, far away.

Farraday now needs to come out of retirement and make one last smuggling to save his bonehead brother-in-law and his lovely wife, played by the drool-worthy Kate Beckinsdale. As you can probably imagine, things do not go according to plan. The smugglers encounters bad blood left over from Farraday's days in the underworld, in the form of Captain Camp, played by the eternally pissed-off J.K. Simmons. Things go from bad to worse once they hit Panama. It seems Farraday's smuggling contacts have gotten a bit rusty and more than a little crazy. Don’t worry though, things all work out in the end...as you pretty much expected that they would.

The trailer for this movie promised at least some serious action. None was delivered. It almost had the feeling of a slow heist movie, only the drama was achieved through yelling, punching and waving guns around without actually shooting them. The one action-ish part of the movie doesn’t even involve the hero! He was hunkered down in a van while villains shot it out with the cops...all while wearing duct-tape masks. Apparently, they spent all their money on the bullet proof vests, so ski masks were too pricy.

All in all, it was less than thrilling. As a heist movie, perhaps it was decent enough, but as action movie...not so much.

Grade = C-

posted at 09:19 pm
on Saturday, January 14th, 2012

COMMENTS

(We're testing Disqus commenting (finally!); please let us know if you have trouble.)

comments powered by Disqus

 

« Previous Page


Mainline It

I’m not going to take any chances by coming at this in clever fashion: Go see Dope. See it now. See it and reward filmmakers speaking truth and passionately reminding us that unique and original...

more »


Movieha! Your favorite movie podcast

Please sign up for our RSS feed HERE, download our podcasts and rave about us in the comments section of iTunes HERE, follow us on Twitter HERE, and become a fan of us on Facebook HERE! You can...

more »


Emotion Motion

I have questions. Many questions.

Inside Out plops us in the brainspace of an 11-year-old girl, Riley (Kaitlyn Dias), revealing her behaviors to be controlled by five primary emotions: Joy (Amy...

more »


Someone Call Chris Hansen

Since its release a few weeks ago, Tomorrowland has become surprisingly polarizing among film critics who can’t seem to decide if it’s overwhelming sense of optimism is endearing or obnoxious. At the...

more »


Hot Dino-on-Dino Action

Hand a kid two dinosaur toys. Said kid will not use them to contemplate evolutionary biology. Said kid will smash the two of them together, simulating an epic dino-smackdown while emitting a...

more »







Advanced Search