by Ryan Syrek

I promise you, this separation of ours has been just as hard for me as it has been for you...likely harder for me because you probably just went back to surfing the rest of the internet like I didn't even exist. I know it's the truth, and the truth hurts...not as much as, say, watching a whole episode of that celebrity ice skating show, but it hurts.

As you can see, we're still bravely endeavoring the worst machinations and gremlins that the Interwebs can summon in an attempt to port over the archives of the past 2+ years of bloggery from the original site. But I refuse to wait on the whims of the Internet Cthulu any longer! Nay, I say it is well past time for me to rend this world asunder with verbiage quickly assembled and hastily edited! It is well past time for me to inform my loyal patrons with information that borders on being less-information and more-senseless rambling. It is well past time for a return to updates and posts that are as regularly timed as a fiber-addict's bowel movements. Folks, we're back for good. Unless, you know, I get really busy or something.

I had so many things I wanted to do, including follow "The Walking Dead," which now has only one episode left, and keep you all up on the things that should be bought, especially as we enter the holiday season. I will do both, but I'm going to wait to cover "The Walking Dead" as a whole, being that we're so close to the finish line now. Okay, I think that's all the housekeeping I have. If you're new to this blog, or an old hat, please feel free to drop a comment and either say hello or welcome back. If you choose to say anything mean, I can and will summon Internet Cthulu on your ass.

Okay, enough apologia, let's get to some mildly interesting news! Question: What do the Oscars have in common with pedophiles? Answer: They will both do anything to find young people. In an attempt to reduce the geriatric mean audience age, the Academy Awards are queuing up the sexytime this year, bringing in a pair of hosts intended to attract a younger crowd. No, it's not like we'll be seeing the awards hosted by the cast of Yo Gabba Gabba or whatever the hell toddlers are having their minds warped by these days. We're going to see the following duo try their best to sell awful, hammy jokes that walk the appropriate line of self-deprecation and skewering of celebrity while constantly stroking the egos of the rich:

James Franco always looks like he's squinting, whereas Anne Hathaway always looks like she really doesn't understand just how attractive she really is. These are the kind of observations you've been missing, admit it. Anyway, that's the entirety of the news on this: These two are hosting the Oscars. So those who have been lusting for some Franco-Hataway idiotic banter, you can stop sending those chain letters and prayers along.

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