Cutting Room for September 6

  • Don’t worry, I’m sure that if legendary author H.G. Wells was alive, he’d want nothing  more than to have the two dudes who did the werewolf porn show on Netflix to script yet another remake of The Island of Dr. Moreau. Last time out, the movie had Marlon Brando and Val Kilmer. I’m going to have to insist that weirdly shaped Fat Val Kilmer chubs his way into the Brando role while Ryan Gosling fills the former Kilmer role. Then, immediately after filming, Gosling must begin to eat nonstop until he one day takes over the Brando-turned-Kilmer part. And the cycle continues…
  • When Roland Emmerich was walking around shilling a potential sequel to Independence Day, which is somehow still on TV all the damn time, even he admitted Will Smith wouldn’t be back. And then Smith decided to make a movie with flop-master M. Night Shyamalan primarily starring his son, Jaden, which turned out to be a massive failure, to the surprise of no one not directly involved with making After Earth. Suddenly, Emmerich and Smith have a meeting. I hope they work things out, because if Smith isn’t back as “what’s his name who punched that alien in the face,” what has all this been for?
  • I didn’t know it, but it turns out all I ever wanted was skilled director and Twilight survivor Bill Condon to direct Ian McKellen as a retired Sherlock Holmes. A Slight Trick of the Mind will feature none of the sexy sociopathic charm of the current BBC series “Sherlock” or the smugness of the Robert Downey Jr. franchise, but so long as it doesn’t turn into the self-parody of CBS’s “Elementary,” I’m so very there. And if you’re keeping track at home, McKellen is now Gandalf, Magneto and Sherlock Holmes; if he plays a retired James Bond, he gets a bingo. 

Cutting Room provides breaking local and national movie news … complete with added sarcasm. Send any relevant information to film@thereader.com. Check out Ryan on Movieha!, a weekly half-hour movie podcast (movieha.libsyn.com/rss), catch him on the radio on CD 105.9 (cd1059.com) on Fridays at around 7:30 a.m. and on KVNO 90.7 (KVNO.org) at 8:30 a.m. on Fridays and follow him on Twitter (twitter.com/thereaderfilm).

posted at 12:45 pm
on Friday, September 06th, 2013

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