Cutting Room for December 1

  • Lindsay Lohan has fallen so far she can no longer effectively be counted on to appear as a porn star, a role for which I assumed she had been training for a decade now. Malin Ackerman (Watchmen) is landing in the deep throat of Linda Lovelace, replacing Lohan in Inferno. If “jumping the shark” refers to sitcoms embarrassing themselves past their prime, can “failing at porn star” be the new slogan for a big-screen flameout?

  • I now like Mark Wahlberg. He may appear to be a humorless over-muscled jagoff, but I love impressions of him talking to animals and at a press junket for The Fighter he confirmed he would NOT star in The Crow and made fun of The Happening. After admitting the movie was crap, he expounded with “F***ing trees, man. The plants? F*** it. You can’t blame me for wanting to play a science teacher. At least I wasn’t playing a cop or a crook.” Well played, Funky Bunch. Well played.

  • News that morons are re-re-remaking Buffy the Vampire Slayer into a movie without the help of creator Joss Whedon will not result in widespread violent riots or organized displays of anger. It will, however, totally ruin the mood at several Dungeons and Dragons games and Internet forums. Thanks for lameness, Warner Brothers.

  • The director of the awesome animated sequence in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1, Ben Hibon, is going to direct a dark reworking of Peter Pan called Pan in which Pan is a villain hunted by a police captain named Hook. Because what the story of an ageless flying boy who kidnaps young girls using “magic dust” needed was to be slightly creepier.

Cutting Room provides breaking local and national movie news … complete with added sarcasm. Send any relevant information to {encode="film@thereader.com" title="film@thereader.com"}. Check out Ryan on the radio on CD 105.9 (Fridays at around 7:30 a.m.), on his blog at thereader.com/film/C19 and on Twitter (twitter.com/thereaderfilm).

posted at 11:26 am
on Tuesday, November 30th, 2010

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