Contrabland

Contraband isn’t legit

by Matt Lockwood

Let's see a show of hands: Who loves Marky Mark and his funky bunch of acting skills? Is it just my hand raised? I can't see..the lights are awfully dim in here.

Well, even if I am the only one, I have no shame and raise my hand high. In submission to my disorder, this afternoon I wandered out to my local cinema to enjoy a matinee showing of Contraband. The movie picks up with Mr. Wahlberg playing the part of Chris Farraday, the one-time smuggling all-star of New Orleans who has now "gone legit." Only, once more, he finds himself coming to odds with some very bad dudes. The problems stem from his wife's brother, who botches a smuggling run by dumping the cargo when the ship gets boarded. This makes Tim Briggs, our movie's filthy sleazebag (played by Giovanni Ribisi), pretty upset. Like "kill you and then your family til I gets my money" upset. Interesing note: This is the same reason Jabba wanted Han dead all those years ago in a galaxy far, far away.

Farraday now needs to come out of retirement and make one last smuggling to save his bonehead brother-in-law and his lovely wife, played by the drool-worthy Kate Beckinsdale. As you can probably imagine, things do not go according to plan. The smugglers encounters bad blood left over from Farraday's days in the underworld, in the form of Captain Camp, played by the eternally pissed-off J.K. Simmons. Things go from bad to worse once they hit Panama. It seems Farraday's smuggling contacts have gotten a bit rusty and more than a little crazy. Don’t worry though, things all work out in the end...as you pretty much expected that they would.

The trailer for this movie promised at least some serious action. None was delivered. It almost had the feeling of a slow heist movie, only the drama was achieved through yelling, punching and waving guns around without actually shooting them. The one action-ish part of the movie doesn’t even involve the hero! He was hunkered down in a van while villains shot it out with the cops...all while wearing duct-tape masks. Apparently, they spent all their money on the bullet proof vests, so ski masks were too pricy.

All in all, it was less than thrilling. As a heist movie, perhaps it was decent enough, but as action movie...not so much.

Grade = C-

posted at 02:19 pm
on Saturday, January 14th, 2012

COMMENTS

(We're testing Facebook commenting (you can login using other services, too); please let us know if you have trouble.)


 

« Previous Page


Slipping Mickey

Gather ‘round kids and hear a story from the days of yore, a time when artists drew cartoons with their actual human hands and not every children’s movie had covert sex jokes for ma and pa to...

more »


Marvel Blockbusts a Cap

With fight choreography pickpocketed from Baryshnikov and more leaping and bounding than Pooh’s friend Tigger on cocaine, Captain America (Chris Evans) makes beating the crap out of bad guys look...

more »


That Ship Cray

They gave the guy who made Requiem for a Dream $150 million to make a movie about Noah’s ark. Huh?! In Requiem, writer/director Darren Aronofsky had Jennifer Connelly connect with another woman via...

more »


Quirking on Something Different

To alter a phrase from Twain, who won’t mind because he’s dead, writer/director Wes Anderson repeated history until he figured out how to rhyme. Barring a brief foray into stop-motion animation,...

more »


Speedy and Irritable

The most important thing to know before attempting to endure the lumbering bore that is Need for Speed is this: every single character in the film is unspeakably dumb. Presumably set in a world...

more »







Advanced Search