Monday’s Daily Dump (1/18/11)

by Ryan Syrek

January is the cruelest month, no matter what Eliot said. Seriously, it's cold as blue balls out there, there's not enough football to keep us distracted, the movies largely suck, and there's no news of note really. It's a stupid, frosty month that only exists because my wife's birthday is in it. If it weren't for that, I'd have capped January in the face years ago. Let's take a look at the...

Box Office Results for the weekend of January 14

by Ryan Syrek

There was a glitch in my HTML coding, which sounds like a nerdy way of saying I had diarrhea or something. But what really happened is that I forgot to slash or unslash inside a carrot and for some reason it ate all of my numbers associated with my predictions on Friday. Not that anybody NOTICED OR TOLD ME OR ANYTHING! Jeez, it's like a guy whose zipper was so unzipped you could see all of...

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions for January 14

by Ryan Syrek

Well, it's a big weekend. Oh, not for movies, those mostly suck right now. I'll be spending 100% of my energy trying to will my Chicago Bears not to blow ass against the inferior but dangerous Seattle Seahawks. Remember, Pete Caroll is a horrible person who feeds off the souls of children. Bear down, Chicago Bears! And I urge you if you are not FROM Seattle or married to Pete Caroll, I sure could...

Ryan’s Junk Drawer for January 14

by Ryan Syrek

"With great junk, comes great responsibility" - Better Off Ted

It's probably been hard for you to stay focused at work today when you've been wondering when you're going to see my junk. It sneaks up on you sometimes, my junk. You'll just be working away and then, WHAMMO right on your computer screen is all of my junk. What if your boss catches you looking at my junk? Oh, hell, it's worth it,...

Things You Should Buy Me (Volume 61)

by Ryan Syrek

Well, the holidays are officially over, as I'm back to receiving ZERO of the things that I am very clearly and articulately telling people to buy me. My wife actually had to call the help desk at ThinkGeek the other day. When I heard her give our last name, I thought: "Well, now she's about to get some respect, and I'm about to discover that they're waiting to send me a giant shipment of products...

Wednesday’s Daily Dump

by Ryan Syrek

Hey blog fans, welcome back. Are you excited that I've chosen to hang on to "The Daily Dump?" No? But...but there's so many doody-related jokes that will be inspired by that decision. It's a brown treasure! It's a number one, number two decision! The jokes will just squirt out of me! See, this is a good time, isn't it? I am nothing if not classy. No, wait, it was crude. I'm nothing if not crude....

I Beg to … Mostly Agree

by Ryan Syrek

Like the stereotypical Transylvanian numerologist on “Sesame Street,” I am transfixed by counting. Specifically, I am “Call Dr. Drew” addicted to top 10 lists. The best part is getting worked up; like “How dare that critic leave out the brilliant German relationship film Freudenschnitzel?” Sadly, this year most critics agree. Although I find deviations in my personal annual decalogue...