We’re Killing Christian Bale

The Fighter

Look, either we give Christian Bale an Oscar or God knows what he’ll do to himself. Have you seen him in The Fighter? That dude looks like the “after” picture in Satan’s makeover brochure. Bale didn’t just drop weight to play a crackhead, he went full Skeletor up in this bitch. The most shocking acting transformation? He plays a people person.

The Fighter is a movie in which the...

entered on 12/21/10 at 09:41 PM | read more »



Femi-Nun Side

Vision

Creating a film about a medieval nun (especially one without the words “naughty,” “nasty” or “naked” preceding it) is likely a form of cinematic suicide. The 18-25 male demographic would much rather watch one of Angelina Jolie’s gun-toting incarnations — preferably the one that wears hot pants.

German writer/director Margarethe von Trotta has never cared much about the...

entered on 12/14/10 at 05:13 PM | read more »



Too-Weak Vacation

The Tourist

As thrilling as a slow-speed boat ride and as death-defying as a jump from a first-floor balcony, The Tourist needs you to find Angelina Jolie the most sex-tastic collection of pronounced collar bone and countable vertebrae in order to hold your attention. For those who don’t think exposed wrist sinew and “size: skeleton” dresses are the height of attraction, here’s hoping you like a...

entered on 12/14/10 at 05:10 PM | read more »



High-Seas Drifters

The Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader

I’ve never read the books myself, but people seem to love C.S. Lewis’ "The Chronicles of Narnia" like I love a wacky, wonderful Tom Cruise performance: unconditionally. Narnia is, much like Star Wars, the sort of thing people grow up with, which makes it sort of untouchable. So, for an outsider like me to dribble off my two cents on the latest film installment seems, if not unfair, at least...

entered on 12/14/10 at 05:06 PM | read more »



DVD Discovery: Magic Act

DVD Discovery: The Disappearance of Alice Creed

You know the feeling you get at the peak of a suspenseful scene? At the breathless moment where you’re waiting for the inevitable gunshot, the doom-laden footsteps or the damning, climactic line of dialogue? That simultaneously delightful and miserable squirminess? Well if you’re into that — and who isn’t, at least a little? — writer/director J Blakeson’s The Disappearance of Alice...

entered on 12/07/10 at 04:31 PM | read more »



Give Him a Hand

127 Hours

Those multi-tools sure do come in handy, don’t they? Okay, I swear that’s my last hand-related pun in reviewing Danny Boyle’s newest film 127 Hours. Boyle, the genius director who has brought us films as diverse as Trainspotting, 28 Days Later and 2008’s hugely popular Slumdog Millionaire, has again changed genres like some people change their shirts. This time, he’s appealing to the...

entered on 12/07/10 at 04:25 PM | read more »



Under the Influence

Love and Other Drugs

As its title states, love is just one of many brain-altering ingredients present in director Edward Zwick’s Love and Other Drugs. The film is set in the world of pharmaceutical sales in the mid-’90s, so besides a little pot and plenty of beer, we’re also among Prozac, Zoloft and the debut of Viagra.

Jamie Randall (Jake Gyllenhaal) has never cared about much, so nothing much has ever really...

entered on 11/30/10 at 11:42 AM | read more »


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Ernest & Celestine

A kids movie for kids with kid jokes and kid themes.

GRADE
B+


Captain America: Winter Soldier

A kinetic crash of conspiracism and costumed crusaders!

GRADE
A-


Noah

Bible school by way of JRR Tolkien and Stephen King.

GRADE
A


The Grand Budapest Hotel

This madcap caper proves Anderson can do things (kinda) different!

GRADE
A


Need for Speed

If you're the "dumber" version of Fast and Furious, you lose.

GRADE
F


300: Rise of an Empire

A prequel, side-quel and sequel with the same style and carnage.

GRADE
B


The Wolf of Wall Street

DiCaprio crackles but the movie fizzles without taking a clear stance on Wall Street excess.

GRADE
B-


Stranger by the Lake

It's a Hitchcock thriller by way of Grindr.

GRADE
C+


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