Cutting Room for April 18

  • Ten years ago, our world was changed forever, and Aksarben Cinema hasn’t forgotten. A decade ago, everything we knew about social interaction, relationships and linguistics was rendered irrelevant by a singular cultural moment. Yes, folks, Mean Girls turns 10 this year, and on Wednesday, April 30, Aksarben Cinema is gonna party like Regina George just got hit by that bus. From 5:30 pm until the movie starts at 7 pm, local businesses will have pop-up shops to check out, including Luv Bird, Statement, Simply Pure Salon & Spa, Body Masters, Denim Saloon, White Glove Perfection and Lark a Blow Dry Studio. Tickets are a mere 5 bucks. To those of you who haven’t given up on making “fetch” happen: Enjoy!
  • If you’re like me, not a day goes by that you don’t find yourself discussing the modern implications of the visionary French New Wave director Jacques Demy. Okay, so maybe we run in different circles, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t head to Film Streams to check out the seven-film series of his work beginning Friday, May 16. I mean, you can’t tell me that you don’t want to see movies with titles like A Slightly Pregnant Man and Donkey Skin! And to think, those were ideas Demy had decades before the internet made them into gross reality!
  • I present to you the single sentence that proves we, as a species, have run out of ideas. We have reached our apex as a people and should begin systematically deciding which animals should inherit the planet next. My vote is for the Slow Lorises. What statement should earn our collective extinction? “They’re making Mrs. Doubtfire 2.” Shut it down, humans, we had a good run. 

Cutting Room provides breaking local and national movie news … complete with added sarcasm. Send any relevant information to film@thereader.com. Check out Ryan on Movieha!, a weekly half-hour movie podcast (movieha.libsyn.com/rss), catch him on the radio on CD 105.9 (cd1059.com) on Fridays at around 7:30 a.m. and on KVNO 90.7 (KVNO.org) at 8:30 a.m. on Fridays and follow him on Twitter (twitter.com/thereaderfilm).


entered on 04/18/14 at 01:51 PM | read comments »


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Cutting Room for April 11

  • Purely to preserve the story and certainly not a strategic move to fleece more cash from tween and teen wallets, the third installment of the Divergent series will be split into two. As Harry Potter, Twilight and The Hunger Games did before it, Allegiant will be cleft in twain. I am strongly opposed to this. Not because I have strong feelings about Divergent one way or the other, but because I know three films make a trilogy but do not know the word for a four-film series. And nobody tell me what the word is! I’m saving that brain cell for something more important like a “Doctor Who” quotation.
  • At long last our collective cultural nightmare may be ending: They have found someone to head the remake of Timecop. The guy who produced The Spectacular Now, a boring film loaded with stealth misogyny, is going to take the character Jean-Claude Van Damme made modestly famous and reinvent him. Considering that literally the only thing I remember about said character was that he was, in fact, a cop protecting time, he has a lot of room with which to work.
  • If you’re like me, when you were watching Roland Emmerich’s 2012, you found yourself thinking “I think he would be the perfect man to direct a powerful retelling of a defining moment in the history of the LGBTQ civil rights movement.” Good news! Roland Emmerich will direct Stonewall, which tells of the riots that occurred in response to a hate-filled police raid on a gay bar in 1969.  I think we can all rest easy knowing that this subject is in the hands of the guy who made White House Down.
  • Get excited people: Amy Poehler and Tina Fey are teaming up again! In The Nest, the pair will play sisters who spend one last weekend in the house they grew up in. Directed by Pitch Perfect’s Jason Moore and written by Paula Pell, let’s all plan on seeing it a billion times so it makes all of the money and then studios can’t say dumb stuff like “women-centered films make less money.” I mean, they already don’t make less money, but let’s really show them!

Cutting Room provides breaking local and national movie news … complete with added sarcasm. Send any relevant information to film@thereader.com. Check out Ryan on Movieha!, a weekly half-hour movie podcast (movieha.libsyn.com/rss), catch him on the radio on CD 105.9 (cd1059.com) on Fridays at around 7:30 a.m. and on KVNO 90.7 (KVNO.org) at 8:30 a.m. on Fridays and follow him on Twitter (twitter.com/thereaderfilm).


entered on 04/11/14 at 12:01 PM | read comments »


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Transcendence

A wildly average film that thinks it is brilliant.

GRADE
C


Ernest & Celestine

A kids movie for kids with kid jokes and kid themes.

GRADE
B+


Captain America: Winter Soldier

A kinetic crash of conspiracism and costumed crusaders!

GRADE
A-


Noah

Bible school by way of JRR Tolkien and Stephen King.

GRADE
A


The Grand Budapest Hotel

This madcap caper proves Anderson can do things (kinda) different!

GRADE
A


Need for Speed

If you're the "dumber" version of Fast and Furious, you lose.

GRADE
F


300: Rise of an Empire

A prequel, side-quel and sequel with the same style and carnage.

GRADE
B


The Wolf of Wall Street

DiCaprio crackles but the movie fizzles without taking a clear stance on Wall Street excess.

GRADE
B-


Marvel Blockbusts a Cap

With fight choreography pickpocketed from Baryshnikov and more leaping and bounding than Pooh’s friend Tigger on cocaine,...

more »


That Ship Cray

They gave the guy who made Requiem for a Dream $150 million to make a movie about Noah’s ark. Huh?! In Requiem,...

more »


Quirking on Something Different

To alter a phrase from Twain, who won’t mind because he’s dead, writer/director Wes Anderson repeated history until he...

more »


Speedy and Irritable

The most important thing to know before attempting to endure the lumbering bore that is Need for Speed is this: every...

more »


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