Doctor in the House?

House

Calling a 30-some-year-old movie a “new release” feels strange, although we may all have to agree to redefine the word “strange” after seeing the ultra-bizarre 1977 flick House, directed by Nobuhiko Obayashi. The film’s lain in state for quite a while; but like any good zombie, reanimated just in time for our Halloween party, to drink too much jungle juice and do the “Monster Mash”...

entered on 10/27/10 at 08:34 PM | read more »


Cutting Room Floor for October 28, 2010 Vol 36

I believe that children are our future. I also believe that dogs have ESP. Only one of those things matters right now, and lucky for you it’s the former. The non-profit organization The Partnership for Our Kids is looking for volunteers who feel the way I do (about children, not dogs). Wednesday, Nov. 17, from noon to 1:30 p.m., the organization will hold a get together at Film Streams Ruth...

entered on 10/27/10 at 08:30 PM | read more »


Report Card for October 21, 2010

Easy A = A- Emma Stone more than makes the grade … she makes me swoon. •(READER RECOMMENDS ON DVD) Human Centipedee = B- Just the plot makes me queasy. Look it up for yourself…but don’t do it at work. •Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole = C+ Hey kids, want to fear death by bird? •Secretariat = F If the dialogue doesn’t kill you, you’ll kill yourself. Worst of the...

entered on 10/20/10 at 04:09 PM | read more »



Gray-Haired Black Ops

Red

Wry sense of humor, sly sexuality, potent and visually stimulating violence? Oh, Ernest Borgnine, is there anything you can’t do? Okay, fine, although the 93-year-old gap-toothed thespian pops up infrequently in Red, a film for which all those previous descriptors do actually apply, his inclusion is a metaphor for the inexplicably kinda-awesome ha-ha/bang-bang extravaganza as a whole....

entered on 10/20/10 at 03:59 PM | read more »



Naval Gazing

Jack Goes Boating

It’s a little known non-fact that Philip Seymour Hoffman has had a role, big or small, in every movie ever made. If you don’t believe me, just look for his cameo as “cherubic South Carolina racist” in Birth of a Nation. We all knew it was just a matter of time before he applied his considerable talents behind the camera as well, as he did in his directorial debut Jack Goes Boating, an...

entered on 10/20/10 at 03:49 PM | read more »


The Wizard of Oz, The Hobbit, the Superman, and the Prequel

In addition to being wholly unnecessary, director Sam Raimi’s upcoming The Wizard of Oz prequel is also apparently wholly inappropriate. Although this information comes through a shady Internet source more suspect than a “Law and Order: Special Victims Unit” character played by a former Oscar winner, the supposed synopsis of The Great and Powerful Oz includes the following note regarding...

entered on 10/20/10 at 03:43 PM | read more »



Next Stop, Glue Factory

Secretariat

Although directed at no specific group, Secretariat may represent some form of hate crime. As unintentionally hilarious as The Happening, as hideously filmed as a flip-camera video taken on a roller coaster ride in the dark, as horribly acted as a community theater musical starring meth addicts, any compliment the film is given is a lie told by a lying liar. If screenwriter Mike Rich hadn’t...

entered on 10/13/10 at 08:37 PM | read more »


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The Boxtrolls

A stop-motion romp with near-nekkid trolls and a cross-dressing villain.

GRADE
B-


The Skeleton Twins

A dramedy about suicide elevated by its stars.

GRADE
B


Frank

A band that has a lead singer with a fake head will win your heart.

GRADE
A-


The Trip to Italy

Another affable outing with two British comedians.

GRADE
B+


Sin City: A Dame to Kill For

Still a fun place to visit, provided you're not a woman.

GRADE
C


The Giver

This adaptation of Lois Lowry's beloved award-winning classic will be none of those things.

GRADE
D


Boyhood

The only coming-of-age story anyone ever needs to make. 

GRADE
A+


Get Fassbent

So the whole time, Michael Fassbender wears this giant, papier-mache-style head and mumble-sings gibberish lyrics about...

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Fall? Oh, me!

I’ve reviewed movies professionally for more than a dozen years. The few weeks immediately surrounding the end of summer has...

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Bro-man Holiday

First things first: The Trip to Italy, the sequel to 2010’s surprise hit The Trip, may be the whitest movie ever made....

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Bleak and White

Celebrated narcissist and Freddy Krueger look-a-like Frank Miller gives the women he writes a plethora of career choices....

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