Report Card

Hereafter = D- Nobody tell Clint Eastwood his movie about death sucks. It may kill him. Red = B AARP-sponsored carnage, with added Malkovich. Never Let Me Go = A Does watching a movie about how depressing it is that life is so short count as irony? ON DVD Scott Pilgrim vs the World = B+ Whoa, these hipsters know kung fu! Secretariat = F If the dialogue doesn’t kill you, you’ll kill...

entered on 11/10/10 at 10:35 PM | read more »


Talk About Dark Shadows ...

* Ice Cube’s shift from ranking good days as ones without “AKs” to family-friendly movie star makes me giggle. Shouldn’t he have been forced to change his name? You know, if Ice Cube was the guy who sang “F*** the Police,” then the guy who is now going to star as a cop (again) should be, I don’t know, Popsicle or Iced Chai or something. The chubby cheeked former rage-possessor is...

entered on 11/10/10 at 10:32 PM | read more »



I’m Villain Happy

Megamind

In an animated PG movie, children in the audience provide a good barometer for the film’s pacing. A single scene of over-their-head dialog or the tiniest pause in plot can result in 100 formerly awed children wiggling in their seats, disembarking en masse for the restrooms or, in the worst case, checking out the action at the video arcade. Although it’s a fun superhero romp with a cavalcade...

entered on 11/10/10 at 06:40 PM | read more »



If You Can’t Beat ’Em

Conviction

Simply put, director Tony Goldwyn’s Conviction is your average end-of-the-year Oscar hopeful. Not that it isn’t any good — it features a few fine performances from very talented actors and is undeniably effective as a drama — it just isn’t anything special. Ripped from some fairly recent headlines, Conviction concerns a small town single mother named Betty Anne Waters (Hilary Swank)....

entered on 11/10/10 at 06:35 PM | read more »



No Crowning Achievement

Due Date

The filth wake of a new Jackass film makes other movies’ attempts to shock with ribald humor futile, even with dialogue like “I vomited in the wound.” Nice try, Due Date, but Steve-O practically gargled human feces. Too unimaginative to be risqué, director Todd Philips has made a “blender” film; you know, where they make an acceptable-but-not-delicious cinematic smoothie by pureeing...

entered on 11/10/10 at 06:28 PM | read more »



Is Our Children Learning?

Waiting for Superman

I pass tears like kidney stones. Big, fat crocodile drops aren’t easily milked from these tightly shuttered ducts. So when I tell you I bawled at Waiting For Superman — ugly bawled … in public — please know that means something. Writer/director Davis Guggenheim made a documentary about global warming, An Inconvenient Truth, the scariest movie of 2006; so it’s no surprise he made a...

entered on 11/03/10 at 05:06 PM | read more »


Lives for Sale

Never Let Me Go

In the special club of music video directors turned mainstream feature filmmakers, Mark Romanek is among the least visible. He hasn’t made a film since 2002’s creepy-but-minor Robin Williams vehicle One Hour Photo. Who would’ve thought, with only a handful of music videos made between then and now, that his latest feature, Never Let Me Go would be so good? A medical breakthrough in the...

entered on 11/03/10 at 04:49 PM | read more »


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Dear White People

The type of smart, ballsy satire that comes along all too rarely.

GRADE
A



War is hell, but this movie is just hella slow.

GRADE


Dracula Untold

What if Dracula was a superhero?!

GRADE
C


Gone Girl

This thriller has many twists, the biggest of which is that it's kind of a satire.

GRADE
A


The Boxtrolls

A stop-motion romp with near-nekkid trolls and a cross-dressing villain.

GRADE
B-


The Skeleton Twins

A dramedy about suicide elevated by its stars.

GRADE
B


Frank

A band that has a lead singer with a fake head will win your heart.

GRADE
A-


The Adventures of Super Vlad

Left out of the superhero movie party every other studio is throwing, Universal made the ballsy decision to turn Dracula...

more »


Everyone is Awful

Warning to newly engaged couples: Do not see Gone Girl, a movie that makes marriage look like The Hunger Games with slightly...

more »


Swimming in the Laika

From Ray Harryhausen’s Medusa to Henry Selick’s Jack Skellington, stop-motion animation is just frickin’ cool, yo. Maybe...

more »


The Dies That Bind

“Hilarious!” say the trailers! “Really funny!” says the poster. “You are all sick people!” says me.

Yes, in parts, The...

more »


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