After you’re dead, George Lucas will take your soul

Good Tuesday morning to all of you! George Lucas is now collecting dead human souls.

Sorry, was that too abrupt for you first thing in the morning? Well, too bad. It's true. According to The Toronto Sun, McMidget the Throat Beard is buying the rights to dead actors like Orson Wells in an attempt to use computer voodoo and cyber jackassery to resurrect them, likely to make them sing and dance or...

entered on 12/07/10 at 03:56 PM | read more »


Box Office Results - Weekend of 12/3/2010

So, if this is your first time seeing my accuracy for predicting the box office, you're going to want to look away. Normally, I'm pretty decent. You know, I pull down a solid B grade, sometimes get an A. This week, I was like George W. Bush taking a geography quiz, like a Wall Street banker answering morality-based questions, like a blood-stain-covered ax wielder taking a polygraph about the...

entered on 12/06/10 at 05:55 PM | read more »


Slow weekend, good picture

Hey all! Hope you had a smashing weekend of awesomeness and fun. I actually spent my weekend doing things that make me far more tired than the things I do during the week...so I'm living in a Bizarro-world where my body is insisting that "me am on weekend." I want to sleep.

The good news is, so does the rest of the world, as the weekend's news items are all piffle. There's some minor buzz about...

entered on 12/06/10 at 05:35 PM | read more »


Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions - 12/3/2010

Greetings to blog-thusiasts young and old, new and experienced, attractive and...oh who am I kidding, you're all beautiful to me. This is how we wrap things up for the week: Every Friday I will make box office predictions consisting of the top 5 films (and a wildcard that may make it in). Then, on Monday, I rank myself using a formula that is way to boring for me to explain given how arbitrary...

entered on 12/03/10 at 06:23 PM | read more »


PTA gets his pinch on

Happy Friday to ya, folks. Nothing really big percolating this week, so I thought I'd hit you with a goodie that will make at least a few people I know smile ear to ear. Recently, my personal pick for most brilliant writer/director currently above ground, Paul Thomas Anderson (or PTA as his buddies call him...because of his initials, not because he's good at conversations betwixt instructor and...

entered on 12/03/10 at 06:03 PM | read more »


Ryan’s Junk Drawer for December 2

With great junk, comes great responsibility - "Better Off Ted"

I know what you're thinking so I'll just say it for you: You have been in desperate need of my junk ever since I took my junk away from you. You've laid awake at night thinking of my junk, dreaming about it. Wondering "When...WHEN GOD? WHEN IS RYAN'S JUNK GOING TO RETURN TO ME?!" The answer, my dear, is not blowing in the wind but...

entered on 12/02/10 at 03:50 PM | read more »


Things You Should Buy Me (Volume 57)

Too long have I gone without demanding things! Too long has it been since I stood before the teaming throngs of Internet hordes and commanded that they contact me at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) to get my address in order to have me try and promote products or to send me objects of my desire as one would offer a sacrifice to a Pagan God. So, um, I'm doing that now. For...

entered on 12/01/10 at 05:24 PM | read more »


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Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1

Half of what promises to be an epic conclusion to a fabulous series.

GRADE
B+


Birdman

A delirously fun satirical send up of artistic pretension. 

GRADE
B+


The Overnighters

"The Grapes of Wrath" in documentary form set in North Dakota.

GRADE
A-


Interstellar

If this was humanity's last hope, give up.

GRADE
D


Nightcrawler

A condemnation of crime pornography with a chilling central character.

GRADE
A


John Wick

You kill his dog, he kills a million people. You've been warned.

GRADE
B


Dear White People

The type of smart, ballsy satire that comes along all too rarely.

GRADE
A


Fury

War is hell, but this movie is just hella slow.

GRADE
C+


The Burden of Actual Christianity

Most praise for writer/director Jesse Moss’s documentary, The Overnighters, has rightly been focused on its Steinbeckian...

more »


Awful, Not Full of Awe

Preposterous, pseudointellectual, poorly constructed, clichéd, impenetrably masculine, goofy and possessed of an...

more »


News-sploitation

Yesterday, CNN showed reporters physically chasing a woman connected to the Ebola scare. Not too long ago, a Fox News...

more »


Dogged Determination

John Wick killed three guys with a pencil.

John Wick is so good at killing, he had to bury his guns beneath a cement floor...

more »


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