Things You Should Buy Me (Volume 57)

Too long have I gone without demanding things! Too long has it been since I stood before the teaming throngs of Internet hordes and commanded that they contact me at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) to get my address in order to have me try and promote products or to send me objects of my desire as one would offer a sacrifice to a Pagan God. So, um, I'm doing that now. For...

entered on 12/01/10 at 05:24 PM | read more »


Two Truths and a Lie

Chickity check it out, y'all. This is me blogging two days in a row!

And we kick today in the short pants with a little game they used to play as an ice breaker at functions where people don't know each other well...like prison holding cells. It's called "Two Truths and a Lie," and today's celebrity host is none other than Chris "I may have made the best movie of the year but now people are...

entered on 12/01/10 at 04:22 PM | read more »



Under the Influence

Love and Other Drugs

As its title states, love is just one of many brain-altering ingredients present in director Edward Zwick’s Love and Other Drugs. The film is set in the world of pharmaceutical sales in the mid-’90s, so besides a little pot and plenty of beer, we’re also among Prozac, Zoloft and the debut of Viagra.

Jamie Randall (Jake Gyllenhaal) has never cared about much, so nothing much has ever really...

entered on 11/30/10 at 06:42 PM | read more »



Burn Noticed

Fair Game

Forget Congressional censure and domestic or international courts of law, the Bush administration will apparently burn for their sins beneath the withering lights of largely ignored, star-driven movies. Score one for justice! If we can’t expect the guy who directed Swingers (Doug Liman) to preserve our democracy, who will stand as the last defender of this once great republic?

As Matt...

entered on 11/30/10 at 06:34 PM | read more »


Cutting Room for December 1

  • Lindsay Lohan has fallen so far she can no longer effectively be counted on to appear as a porn star, a role for which I assumed she had been training for a decade now. Malin Ackerman (Watchmen) is landing in the deep throat of Linda Lovelace, replacing Lohan in Inferno. If “jumping the shark” refers to sitcoms embarrassing themselves past their prime, can “failing at porn star” be the...

entered on 11/30/10 at 06:26 PM | read more »


And now…Deep Thoughts from Michael Bay

Greetings douchebags and ugly people,

It's me, Michael Bay, the only motherf**ker still rockin' McGuyver's hairstyle. A lot of you subhuman pig people who watch my movies and have made me so rich that attractive women will sleep with me despite my vile personality and morally bankrupt soul have been spreading rumors that the 3D in Transformers 3 is looking as awful as Bad Boys 3's plot. Excuse...

entered on 11/30/10 at 04:43 PM | read more »


We’re back…no, wait, for real this time! I swear!

I promise you, this separation of ours has been just as hard for me as it has been for you...likely harder for me because you probably just went back to surfing the rest of the internet like I didn't even exist. I know it's the truth, and the truth hurts...not as much as, say, watching a whole episode of that celebrity ice skating show, but it hurts.

As you can see, we're still bravely...

entered on 11/30/10 at 03:30 PM | read more »


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Dear White People

The type of smart, ballsy satire that comes along all too rarely.

GRADE
A



War is hell, but this movie is just hella slow.

GRADE


Dracula Untold

What if Dracula was a superhero?!

GRADE
C


Gone Girl

This thriller has many twists, the biggest of which is that it's kind of a satire.

GRADE
A


The Boxtrolls

A stop-motion romp with near-nekkid trolls and a cross-dressing villain.

GRADE
B-


The Skeleton Twins

A dramedy about suicide elevated by its stars.

GRADE
B


Frank

A band that has a lead singer with a fake head will win your heart.

GRADE
A-


The Adventures of Super Vlad

Left out of the superhero movie party every other studio is throwing, Universal made the ballsy decision to turn Dracula...

more »


Everyone is Awful

Warning to newly engaged couples: Do not see Gone Girl, a movie that makes marriage look like The Hunger Games with slightly...

more »


Swimming in the Laika

From Ray Harryhausen’s Medusa to Henry Selick’s Jack Skellington, stop-motion animation is just frickin’ cool, yo. Maybe...

more »


The Dies That Bind

“Hilarious!” say the trailers! “Really funny!” says the poster. “You are all sick people!” says me.

Yes, in parts, The...

more »


Movieha! Omaha’s Favorite Movie Podcast

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Cutting Room for October 3

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Cutting Room for September 19

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