Ryan’s Junk Drawer for December 16

"With great junk, comes great responsibility" - Better Off Ted

And a good day to you, sinners and miscreants, ne'erdowells and troublemakers! It's a fine Thursday, which means you awoke this morning with thoughts of my junk on your mind. It's okay, I know it's true. Why this is the season that sugarplum fairies dream of my junk. When stockings are stuffed with thoughts of my junk (as opposed to...

entered on 12/16/10 at 05:36 PM | read more »


Things You Should Buy Me (Volume 59)

This is the second to the last Things You Should Buy Me before Christmas. So it's Things You Should Buy Me before Christmas Eve. I am going to assume that most of you have made glorious purchases for me, you just haven't sent them yet because you don't want to ruin the surprise. It's either that or you don't think I've been a good boy this year, and I assure you I have been. In all seriousness,...

entered on 12/15/10 at 05:42 PM | read more »


Jon Favreau says no, I say yes

Movie news during the holiday season...pardon me for a second HOLY CRAP CHRISTMAS IS ONLY 10 DAYS AWAY AND I AM WOEFULLY, WOEFULLY UNPREPARED...is really slow. Everyone is winding down, studios are counting piles of money bigger than your house, and nobody really says or does crap. That means we get little notes like these two tiny things:

1.) Jon Favreau is not directing Iron Man 3. This sounds...

entered on 12/15/10 at 05:17 PM | read more »



Femi-Nun Side

Vision

Creating a film about a medieval nun (especially one without the words “naughty,” “nasty” or “naked” preceding it) is likely a form of cinematic suicide. The 18-25 male demographic would much rather watch one of Angelina Jolie’s gun-toting incarnations — preferably the one that wears hot pants.

German writer/director Margarethe von Trotta has never cared much about the...

entered on 12/15/10 at 12:13 AM | read more »



Too-Weak Vacation

The Tourist

As thrilling as a slow-speed boat ride and as death-defying as a jump from a first-floor balcony, The Tourist needs you to find Angelina Jolie the most sex-tastic collection of pronounced collar bone and countable vertebrae in order to hold your attention. For those who don’t think exposed wrist sinew and “size: skeleton” dresses are the height of attraction, here’s hoping you like a...

entered on 12/15/10 at 12:10 AM | read more »



High-Seas Drifters

The Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader

I’ve never read the books myself, but people seem to love C.S. Lewis’ "The Chronicles of Narnia" like I love a wacky, wonderful Tom Cruise performance: unconditionally. Narnia is, much like Star Wars, the sort of thing people grow up with, which makes it sort of untouchable. So, for an outsider like me to dribble off my two cents on the latest film installment seems, if not unfair, at least...

entered on 12/15/10 at 12:06 AM | read more »


Cutting Room for December 15

  • STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING! Unless you’re reading this in the bathroom. Then, you know, finish … but hurry. Why? Because Thursday, Dec. 16, is the last day in the Kickstarter Campaign for director Dan Mirvish’s Between Us, a dark comedy based on an Off-Broadway play. The film is scheduled to be partially shot in Omaha. Mirvish directed Omaha (the movie), so it’s only right we return his...

entered on 12/15/10 at 12:01 AM | read more »


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The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

The epic conclusion to the most epic of epics.

GRADE
A-


The Babadook

A terrifying tale of an ooky pop-up book and motherly love.

GRADE
A


The Tale of Princess Kaguya

A water-colored take on a Japanese folktale that is prettier than it is interesting.

GRADE
B-


The Theory of Everything

"Out of this world" performances buoy a sub-par script.

GRADE
B+


Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1

Half of what promises to be an epic conclusion to a fabulous series.

GRADE
B+


Birdman

A delirously fun satirical send up of artistic pretension. 

GRADE
B+


The Overnighters

"The Grapes of Wrath" in documentary form set in North Dakota.

GRADE
A-


Interstellar

If this was humanity's last hope, give up.

GRADE
D


Happy, Little Clouded

Actual human beings made The Tale of Princess Kaguya, and you can tell. A water-colored rebuke of the robots who...

more »


No Big Bang

In 1965, Stephen Hawking wrote his first ground-breaking thesis and wed Jane Wilde. His paper argued that if a star can...

more »


Leni Riefen-stalling

On the one hand, any film subtitled “Part 1” is a naked cash grab. On the other hand, shut up and take my money, Hunger...

more »


Oopsie Genius

I know two things for sure: (1) Birdman aims to relentlessly drive home one singular point, one thoroughly expressed thesis...

more »


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