We’re baaaack…kind of…maybe…

Oh, have I missed you my bloggy devotees. It's been a whole week since I told you what to buy for me, since I wrote you haikus, since I showed you my junk! Why, there's been nary a lascivious online leer in the direction of Natalie Portman or Scarlett Johansson. I haven't filtered comments about movies through a lens of personal politics. I haven't posted a picture of Evangeline Lilly! Wow, I...

entered on 11/15/10 at 04:20 PM | read more »


Report Card

Hereafter = D- Nobody tell Clint Eastwood his movie about death sucks. It may kill him. Red = B AARP-sponsored carnage, with added Malkovich. Never Let Me Go = A Does watching a movie about how depressing it is that life is so short count as irony? ON DVD Scott Pilgrim vs the World = B+ Whoa, these hipsters know kung fu! Secretariat = F If the dialogue doesn’t kill you, you’ll kill...

entered on 11/10/10 at 10:35 PM | read more »


Talk About Dark Shadows ...

* Ice Cube’s shift from ranking good days as ones without “AKs” to family-friendly movie star makes me giggle. Shouldn’t he have been forced to change his name? You know, if Ice Cube was the guy who sang “F*** the Police,” then the guy who is now going to star as a cop (again) should be, I don’t know, Popsicle or Iced Chai or something. The chubby cheeked former rage-possessor is...

entered on 11/10/10 at 10:32 PM | read more »



I’m Villain Happy

Megamind

In an animated PG movie, children in the audience provide a good barometer for the film’s pacing. A single scene of over-their-head dialog or the tiniest pause in plot can result in 100 formerly awed children wiggling in their seats, disembarking en masse for the restrooms or, in the worst case, checking out the action at the video arcade. Although it’s a fun superhero romp with a cavalcade...

entered on 11/10/10 at 06:40 PM | read more »



If You Can’t Beat ’Em

Conviction

Simply put, director Tony Goldwyn’s Conviction is your average end-of-the-year Oscar hopeful. Not that it isn’t any good — it features a few fine performances from very talented actors and is undeniably effective as a drama — it just isn’t anything special. Ripped from some fairly recent headlines, Conviction concerns a small town single mother named Betty Anne Waters (Hilary Swank)....

entered on 11/10/10 at 06:35 PM | read more »



No Crowning Achievement

Due Date

The filth wake of a new Jackass film makes other movies’ attempts to shock with ribald humor futile, even with dialogue like “I vomited in the wound.” Nice try, Due Date, but Steve-O practically gargled human feces. Too unimaginative to be risqué, director Todd Philips has made a “blender” film; you know, where they make an acceptable-but-not-delicious cinematic smoothie by pureeing...

entered on 11/10/10 at 06:28 PM | read more »



Is Our Children Learning?

Waiting for Superman

I pass tears like kidney stones. Big, fat crocodile drops aren’t easily milked from these tightly shuttered ducts. So when I tell you I bawled at Waiting For Superman — ugly bawled … in public — please know that means something. Writer/director Davis Guggenheim made a documentary about global warming, An Inconvenient Truth, the scariest movie of 2006; so it’s no surprise he made a...

entered on 11/03/10 at 05:06 PM | read more »


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The Trip to Italy

Another affable outing with two British comedians.

GRADE
B+


Sin City: A Dame to Kill For

Still a fun place to visit, provided you're not a woman.

GRADE
C


The Giver

This adaptation of Lois Lowry's beloved award-winning classic will be none of those things.

GRADE
D


Boyhood

The only coming-of-age story anyone ever needs to make. 

GRADE
A+


Guardians of the Galaxy

A gleeful space opera that is as visually stunning as it is hilarious.

GRADE
A


Lucy

A girl ingests a drug that makes her God. For real.

GRADE
C+


Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Those damned apes are back and anything but dirty.

GRADE
B+


We Are the Best

Set in Stockholm in 1982, this is punk rock female adolescence at its finest.

GRADE
A


Take It Back

Fail gloriously, if you must fail. Go down swinging for the fences, punchdrunk and confident you’re making something truly...

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Cinéma Very Tame

A few quick confessions: Because we now have cameras, modern photorealistic paintings have always been, at best, modestly...

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Grade A-Holes

The proliferation of comic book movies has reached its cultural apex, so thoroughly dominating the box office and public...

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Lucy Goosey

It doesn’t work this way with people, but there’s a level of confident stupidity a movie can display that makes it...

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