Suddenly, the Internet is worth it

Well hello there, my bloggity devotees. It's Tuesday...as if you didn't know. And you all know what that means, right? It means nothing. Stick that in your "season of magic" pipe and smoke it.

Today was the Golden Globe nominations...but man are they depressing. I love watching the awards show itself, not just because of my sick fascination with arbitrary assessments of artistic merit, but...

entered on 12/14/10 at 05:31 PM | read more »


Box Office Results - Weekend of 12/10/2010

Shhh! Don't look over here! STOP, I TOLD YOU NOT TO. See, if nobody pays attention, then no one will notice that the BOX OFFICE IS FADING LIKE A PUNCH-DRUNK BOXER! Seriously, after posting one of the worst Novembers on record, December ain't exactly tearin' it up. Narnia 3: Revenge of River Jesus is a dud, even in 3D. Nobody found the Jolie/Depp pairing believable. Hell, if it wasn't for Disney's...

entered on 12/13/10 at 05:09 PM | read more »


By Odin’s scrotum!

Greetings! I hope you had a wonderful weekend filled with shopping and much mirth and merriment. I borked my back shoveling, and the Chicago Bears lost to the New England Patriots 389 to -12. That score may not be accurate but it perfectly encapsulates the feeling of the game. Thus, let it be said that I face this Monday with all the positivity and energy of a roadkilled skunk. I have the...

entered on 12/13/10 at 04:48 PM | read more »


Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions for December 10

Nothing happened yesterday and today. I don't mean literally. People did stuff and things. Just nobody did anything particularly noteworthy. You can always tell thin movie news days based on when sites run things like "Videos of the Day" that are goofy or drop shots of new posters like it warrants a whole post unto itself. I mean, Matt Damon MAY be talking about starring in the new Neill Blomkamp...

entered on 12/10/10 at 06:49 PM | read more »


Ryan’s Junk Drawer for December 9

With great junk comes great responsibility - "Better Off Ted"

Welcome weary weekly warriors. Greetings grousing and grumbling grunts! Hello humble heroines and heroes! It is finally, finally, finally time for your Ryan-fueled salvation, for that weekly dose of girthy goodness that can only be described as the most magnificent junk you have ever before laid your eyes upon! Look upon my junk and...

entered on 12/09/10 at 08:17 PM | read more »


Things You Should Buy Me (Volume 58)

Over the course of the weekend, I discovered something. No, not a package that was sent to me containing free goodies. Why didn't I discover that? Because you didn't buy me anything. Just like the week before. Nothing. You and nobody you knew contacted me at film@thereader.com and got my address to send me sweet swag that I would brag about. Season of giving my ass. No, what I discovered...

entered on 12/08/10 at 04:24 PM | read more »


Pointy ears and a pretty face

Happy Wednesday to you. I would wish you a happy hump day, but nobody needs to be reminded about that creeper dude in your office who says that stuff in order to tight-rope walk the line of sexual harassment, as if one day, one attractive coworker is just going to declare "It's hump day?" and proceed to start disrobing. Oh what the hell, happy hump day.

Honestly, there hasn't been that much...

entered on 12/08/10 at 04:08 PM | read more »


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John Wick

You kill his dog, he kills a million people. You've been warned.

GRADE
B


Dear White People

The type of smart, ballsy satire that comes along all too rarely.

GRADE
A


Fury

War is hell, but this movie is just hella slow.

GRADE
C+


Dracula Untold

What if Dracula was a superhero?!

GRADE
C


Gone Girl

This thriller has many twists, the biggest of which is that it's kind of a satire.

GRADE
A


The Boxtrolls

A stop-motion romp with near-nekkid trolls and a cross-dressing villain.

GRADE
B-


The Skeleton Twins

A dramedy about suicide elevated by its stars.

GRADE
B


Frank

A band that has a lead singer with a fake head will win your heart.

GRADE
A-


Fury Is Missing Fast

Inside of writer/director David Ayer’s Fury is a tight, 90-minute, “we will hold this line” war movie populated with complex...

more »


The Adventures of Super Vlad

Left out of the superhero movie party every other studio is throwing, Universal made the ballsy decision to turn Dracula...

more »


Everyone is Awful

Warning to newly engaged couples: Do not see Gone Girl, a movie that makes marriage look like The Hunger Games with slightly...

more »


Swimming in the Laika

From Ray Harryhausen’s Medusa to Henry Selick’s Jack Skellington, stop-motion animation is just frickin’ cool, yo. Maybe...

more »


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