Too-Weak Vacation

The Tourist

As thrilling as a slow-speed boat ride and as death-defying as a jump from a first-floor balcony, The Tourist needs you to find Angelina Jolie the most sex-tastic collection of pronounced collar bone and countable vertebrae in order to hold your attention. For those who don’t think exposed wrist sinew and “size: skeleton” dresses are the height of attraction, here’s hoping you like a...

entered on 12/15/10 at 12:10 AM | read more »



High-Seas Drifters

The Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader

I’ve never read the books myself, but people seem to love C.S. Lewis’ "The Chronicles of Narnia" like I love a wacky, wonderful Tom Cruise performance: unconditionally. Narnia is, much like Star Wars, the sort of thing people grow up with, which makes it sort of untouchable. So, for an outsider like me to dribble off my two cents on the latest film installment seems, if not unfair, at least...

entered on 12/15/10 at 12:06 AM | read more »


Cutting Room for December 15

  • STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING! Unless you’re reading this in the bathroom. Then, you know, finish … but hurry. Why? Because Thursday, Dec. 16, is the last day in the Kickstarter Campaign for director Dan Mirvish’s Between Us, a dark comedy based on an Off-Broadway play. The film is scheduled to be partially shot in Omaha. Mirvish directed Omaha (the movie), so it’s only right we return his...

entered on 12/15/10 at 12:01 AM | read more »


Next year, evil gets smokin’ hot

My best friend since middle school, Andrew, and I have never really fought. I mean, yes there was a disagreement about my athletic ability to jump out of a pool and a minor kerfuffle over whether or not there were actual lions or supernatural ones in a certain Val Kilmer movie, but those things didn't lead to body blows or gunfire. But we're men. Marginally so, one would argue given our various...

entered on 12/14/10 at 06:24 PM | read more »


Suddenly, the Internet is worth it

Well hello there, my bloggity devotees. It's Tuesday...as if you didn't know. And you all know what that means, right? It means nothing. Stick that in your "season of magic" pipe and smoke it.

Today was the Golden Globe nominations...but man are they depressing. I love watching the awards show itself, not just because of my sick fascination with arbitrary assessments of artistic merit, but...

entered on 12/14/10 at 05:31 PM | read more »


Box Office Results - Weekend of 12/10/2010

Shhh! Don't look over here! STOP, I TOLD YOU NOT TO. See, if nobody pays attention, then no one will notice that the BOX OFFICE IS FADING LIKE A PUNCH-DRUNK BOXER! Seriously, after posting one of the worst Novembers on record, December ain't exactly tearin' it up. Narnia 3: Revenge of River Jesus is a dud, even in 3D. Nobody found the Jolie/Depp pairing believable. Hell, if it wasn't for Disney's...

entered on 12/13/10 at 05:09 PM | read more »


By Odin’s scrotum!

Greetings! I hope you had a wonderful weekend filled with shopping and much mirth and merriment. I borked my back shoveling, and the Chicago Bears lost to the New England Patriots 389 to -12. That score may not be accurate but it perfectly encapsulates the feeling of the game. Thus, let it be said that I face this Monday with all the positivity and energy of a roadkilled skunk. I have the...

entered on 12/13/10 at 04:48 PM | read more »


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Dear White People

The type of smart, ballsy satire that comes along all too rarely.

GRADE
A



War is hell, but this movie is just hella slow.

GRADE


Dracula Untold

What if Dracula was a superhero?!

GRADE
C


Gone Girl

This thriller has many twists, the biggest of which is that it's kind of a satire.

GRADE
A


The Boxtrolls

A stop-motion romp with near-nekkid trolls and a cross-dressing villain.

GRADE
B-


The Skeleton Twins

A dramedy about suicide elevated by its stars.

GRADE
B


Frank

A band that has a lead singer with a fake head will win your heart.

GRADE
A-


The Adventures of Super Vlad

Left out of the superhero movie party every other studio is throwing, Universal made the ballsy decision to turn Dracula...

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Everyone is Awful

Warning to newly engaged couples: Do not see Gone Girl, a movie that makes marriage look like The Hunger Games with slightly...

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Swimming in the Laika

From Ray Harryhausen’s Medusa to Henry Selick’s Jack Skellington, stop-motion animation is just frickin’ cool, yo. Maybe...

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The Dies That Bind

“Hilarious!” say the trailers! “Really funny!” says the poster. “You are all sick people!” says me.

Yes, in parts, The...

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