Things You Should Buy Me (Volume 59)

This is the second to the last Things You Should Buy Me before Christmas. So it's Things You Should Buy Me before Christmas Eve. I am going to assume that most of you have made glorious purchases for me, you just haven't sent them yet because you don't want to ruin the surprise. It's either that or you don't think I've been a good boy this year, and I assure you I have been. In all seriousness,...

entered on 12/15/10 at 05:42 PM | read more »


Jon Favreau says no, I say yes

Movie news during the holiday season...pardon me for a second HOLY CRAP CHRISTMAS IS ONLY 10 DAYS AWAY AND I AM WOEFULLY, WOEFULLY UNPREPARED...is really slow. Everyone is winding down, studios are counting piles of money bigger than your house, and nobody really says or does crap. That means we get little notes like these two tiny things:

1.) Jon Favreau is not directing Iron Man 3. This sounds...

entered on 12/15/10 at 05:17 PM | read more »



Femi-Nun Side

Vision

Creating a film about a medieval nun (especially one without the words “naughty,” “nasty” or “naked” preceding it) is likely a form of cinematic suicide. The 18-25 male demographic would much rather watch one of Angelina Jolie’s gun-toting incarnations — preferably the one that wears hot pants.

German writer/director Margarethe von Trotta has never cared much about the...

entered on 12/15/10 at 12:13 AM | read more »



Too-Weak Vacation

The Tourist

As thrilling as a slow-speed boat ride and as death-defying as a jump from a first-floor balcony, The Tourist needs you to find Angelina Jolie the most sex-tastic collection of pronounced collar bone and countable vertebrae in order to hold your attention. For those who don’t think exposed wrist sinew and “size: skeleton” dresses are the height of attraction, here’s hoping you like a...

entered on 12/15/10 at 12:10 AM | read more »



High-Seas Drifters

The Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader

I’ve never read the books myself, but people seem to love C.S. Lewis’ "The Chronicles of Narnia" like I love a wacky, wonderful Tom Cruise performance: unconditionally. Narnia is, much like Star Wars, the sort of thing people grow up with, which makes it sort of untouchable. So, for an outsider like me to dribble off my two cents on the latest film installment seems, if not unfair, at least...

entered on 12/15/10 at 12:06 AM | read more »


Cutting Room for December 15

  • STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING! Unless you’re reading this in the bathroom. Then, you know, finish … but hurry. Why? Because Thursday, Dec. 16, is the last day in the Kickstarter Campaign for director Dan Mirvish’s Between Us, a dark comedy based on an Off-Broadway play. The film is scheduled to be partially shot in Omaha. Mirvish directed Omaha (the movie), so it’s only right we return his...

entered on 12/15/10 at 12:01 AM | read more »


Next year, evil gets smokin’ hot

My best friend since middle school, Andrew, and I have never really fought. I mean, yes there was a disagreement about my athletic ability to jump out of a pool and a minor kerfuffle over whether or not there were actual lions or supernatural ones in a certain Val Kilmer movie, but those things didn't lead to body blows or gunfire. But we're men. Marginally so, one would argue given our various...

entered on 12/14/10 at 06:24 PM | read more »


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John Wick

You kill his dog, he kills a million people. You've been warned.

GRADE
B


Dear White People

The type of smart, ballsy satire that comes along all too rarely.

GRADE
A


Fury

War is hell, but this movie is just hella slow.

GRADE
C+


Dracula Untold

What if Dracula was a superhero?!

GRADE
C


Gone Girl

This thriller has many twists, the biggest of which is that it's kind of a satire.

GRADE
A


The Boxtrolls

A stop-motion romp with near-nekkid trolls and a cross-dressing villain.

GRADE
B-


The Skeleton Twins

A dramedy about suicide elevated by its stars.

GRADE
B


Frank

A band that has a lead singer with a fake head will win your heart.

GRADE
A-


Fury Is Missing Fast

Inside of writer/director David Ayer’s Fury is a tight, 90-minute, “we will hold this line” war movie populated with complex...

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The Adventures of Super Vlad

Left out of the superhero movie party every other studio is throwing, Universal made the ballsy decision to turn Dracula...

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Everyone is Awful

Warning to newly engaged couples: Do not see Gone Girl, a movie that makes marriage look like The Hunger Games with slightly...

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Swimming in the Laika

From Ray Harryhausen’s Medusa to Henry Selick’s Jack Skellington, stop-motion animation is just frickin’ cool, yo. Maybe...

more »


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