Things You Should Buy Me (Volume 63)

Folks, I'm not the greedy bastard this column's title would have you believe. Oh, sure, I like getting stuff...but receiving like 3-5 items of the nearly 200 items I've posted in this segment has taught me that life is about NOT getting stuff. In which case, I am really, really good at life. My point is this, I'm not going to sit here and once more beg you for material goods that you will find...

entered on 02/03/11 at 05:12 PM | read more »


Daily Dump for Wednesday (February 2)

Chances are, if you're reading this, you're only running your computer to generate heat in order to stave off Snowpocalypse Now. Seriously, did you see this?

That's NOT from a movie. That's the Windy City today. Luckily, I live in Omaha, which only has to contend with ridiculously sub-zero weather (a sneeze will freeze on your face)...but luckily, we were just selected as one of the top 10...

entered on 02/02/11 at 11:01 PM | read more »


Cutting Room For February 2

  • For the longest time, if you wanted to see director Dan Mirvish’s Omaha (The Movie), you had to know Dan Mirvish. And that’s cool, but Dan’s a busy dude. So it’s my pleasure to tell you that the flick can now be streamed online through Microsoft and on X-Box Live…which would be great if my X-Box didn’t commit cyber seppuku a few days back. Still, good news for those of you with a...

entered on 02/01/11 at 11:33 PM | read more »



Heartbreak Motel

Blue Valentine

Last year’s indie relationship flicks mostly kept the mood light. Both Jack Goes Boating and Cyrus tempered their weighty moments with socially awkward central characters who were good for a tension-breaking chuckle. Viewers loved these characters at arm’s length, not because they weren’t real or wonderfully crafted, but because we like to think of ourselves as too sophisticated to make the...

entered on 02/01/11 at 11:10 PM | read more »



The Murderer’s Apprentice

The Mechanic

Things you’ll never hear: “I want to see that new Victorian-era romance starring Oscar-winner Jason Statham.” J-Stat is so synonymous with cinematic violence, someone should update the Wikipedia entry for “action movie” so it’s just a picture of his grimacing, bald cabeza covered in blood. In an ever-changing world, the only constant is Jason Statham’s movie murder spree.

The...

entered on 02/01/11 at 11:06 PM | read more »


Daily Dump for Tuesday (February 1)

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE? I lost a whole month of 2011. I mean, sure, it was January, which is so barely a month it may as well be February, but still...it can't seriously be 1/12th of the year in the tank already, can it? Man, I've got a get my act together. Speaking of getting one's act together: What's worse, Snowpocalypse 2011 or the COVERAGE of Snowpocalypse 2011? I have heard this called...

entered on 02/01/11 at 10:06 PM | read more »


Daily Dump for Monday January 31

Sorry I've been gone. Things are busy, busy, busy right now, and honestly nothing other than Sundance sales were happening much last week. Also, did I mention the busy? Because I was crazy with the busy. And I don't mean things like "watching great television like 'Community' all day" busy. I mean "Dear God, grant me the opportunity to pause this madness long enough to void my bowels" busy. I far...

entered on 01/31/11 at 10:45 PM | read more »


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Sin City: A Dame to Kill For

Still a fun place to visit, provided you're not a woman.

GRADE
C


The Giver

This adaptation of Lois Lowry's beloved award-winning classic will be none of those things.

GRADE
D


Boyhood

The only coming-of-age story anyone ever needs to make. 

GRADE
A+


Guardians of the Galaxy

A gleeful space opera that is as visually stunning as it is hilarious.

GRADE
A


Lucy

A girl ingests a drug that makes her God. For real.

GRADE
C+


Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Those damned apes are back and anything but dirty.

GRADE
B+


We Are the Best

Set in Stockholm in 1982, this is punk rock female adolescence at its finest.

GRADE
A


Snowpiercer

Awesome, literal class warfare on a train that holds the only humans that survived the new ice age.

GRADE
A-


Cinéma Very Tame

A few quick confessions: Because we now have cameras, modern photorealistic paintings have always been, at best, modestly...

more »


Grade A-Holes

The proliferation of comic book movies has reached its cultural apex, so thoroughly dominating the box office and public...

more »


Lucy Goosey

It doesn’t work this way with people, but there’s a level of confident stupidity a movie can display that makes it...

more »


Fuzzy Focus

Time has whittled mainstream memory of the original late 1960s/early 1970s Planet of the Apes franchise down to an image of...

more »


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