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Film

Yas, Queens!

 

Beasts of Burden

 

That Boy Ain’t Right

 

Awake My Soul

 

‘Tis the Summer of This Content

 

Cutting Room for April

 

Crawl for Your Oscar, Leo

 

Super Bad, Man

 

Ethics, Unchallenged

 

Stuck in a Bunker With You?

 

Cutting Room for September 6

  • Don’t worry, I’m sure that if legendary author H.G. Wells was alive, he’d want nothing  more than to have the two dudes who did the werewolf porn show on Netflix to script yet another remake of The Island of Dr. Moreau. Last time out, the movie had Marlon Brando and Val Kilmer. I’m going to have to insist that weirdly shaped Fat Val Kilmer chubs his way into the Brando role while Ryan Gosling fills the former...


A Bit Plain, Jane

Since Stephanie “Twilight” Meyers is a producer on Austenland, the following question is fair game: Why are readers who fangirl out about Mr. Darcy from Jane Austen’s “Pride and Prejudice” embraced or applauded while devotees of whatever-that-sparkly-vampire-dude’s-name-was are chided? Both of the male characters demonstrate icky behaviors that shouldn’t be desired in a mate, although admittedly the angst-ridden...


Yes Them Is

“What’s wrong with me?” My subconscious tries to smother this thought with a mental pillow, but the bastard won’t die.

Throughout the course of writer/director David Lowery’s Ain’t Them Bodies Saints—which most resembles a fictional ménage à trois between Beasts of the Southern Wild, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford and your choice of Terrence Malick movie—I profusely self-loathed while...


Cutting Room for August 30

  • If you’re one of the silly people who didn’t like Man of Steel, it’s probably because of what Superman does to Michael Shannon in the end…which is not as Brokeback Mountain as that sentence makes it sound. If not, it’s likely because you have some bizarre degree of concern for the countless millions of Metropolis citizens killed while Supes and Zod fought. To me: (A) Superman had been Superman for like five...


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Keanu

Like John Wick but with a cat and more jokes than bloody head wounds.

GRADE
B+

First Monday in May

A propaganda-documentary about an industry with some pretty bad race issues...

GRADE
F

Reader Recommends

The Huntsman: Winter's War

A poorly written, unnecessary and dumb movie I really enjoyed a lot.

GRADE
B+

The Jungle Book

A more "realistic" version of an animated story about talking animals who murder while singing.

GRADE
C

Midnight Special

A kid with weird powers is trying to get somewhere to do something that doesn't quite make sense.

GRADE
B-

On DVD

Star Wars: The Force Awakens

The most beloved franchise in film history is finally restored to glory.

GRADE
A+

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