Fury Is Missing Fast

Fury

Inside of writer/director David Ayer’s Fury is a tight, 90-minute, “we will hold this line” war movie populated with complex characters and surprisingly good performances. Problem is, it was slipped into the carcass of a dirty, confused, overly serious, inconsistently grotesque snoozer in which Shia LaBeouf cries so often you’ll want to beat the accountant’s mustache off his stupid face if you...

entered on 10/17/14 at 09:59 PM | read more »



The Adventures of Super Vlad

Dracula Untold

Left out of the superhero movie party every other studio is throwing, Universal made the ballsy decision to turn Dracula into caped crusader. Gone are the prominent widow’s peak, goofy accent and overtly sexual fanged penetration, this Dracula sucks blood to save people! Like a mix between Braveheart and a literal bat-man, Transylvania’s favorite son has been reformatted and given a plot full of...

entered on 10/10/14 at 11:02 AM | read more »



Everyone is Awful

Gone Girl

Warning to newly engaged couples: Do not see Gone Girl, a movie that makes marriage look like The Hunger Games with slightly more alleged sodomy. Writer Gillian Flynn, adapting her own novel, filters her twisty-turny whodunit (if there even is an “it” to be “whodun”) through the worst possible take on humanity. These are barely human beings and more like piles of awful shaped to resemble people....

entered on 10/03/14 at 04:03 PM | read more »



Swimming in the Laika

The Boxtrolls

From Ray Harryhausen’s Medusa to Henry Selick’s Jack Skellington, stop-motion animation is just frickin’ cool, yo. Maybe it’s the meticulous nature of the art form, with each tiny gesture by a character necessitating dozens of miniscule movements and hours of work from animators. Maybe it’s the fact that the shiny, smooth sheen on today’s CGI kiddie flicks seems less intimate, less hand-crafted,...

entered on 09/26/14 at 11:04 AM | read more »



The Dies That Bind

The Skeleton Twins

“Hilarious!” say the trailers! “Really funny!” says the poster. “You are all sick people!” says me.

Yes, in parts, The Skeleton Twins is amusing. This is because stars Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig are incapable of being unfunny, especially when left alone together. But this is a movie that begins and ends with suicide attempts, contains an ongoing implosion of a marriage and explores whether one...

entered on 09/19/14 at 11:23 AM | read more »



Get Fassbent

Frank

So the whole time, Michael Fassbender wears this giant, papier-mache-style head and mumble-sings gibberish lyrics about things like snags in the carpet while other people play instruments they created out of things like toothbrushes. Welcome to Frank, a movie that is somehow nowhere near as pandemonium-inducingly insane as it sounds. In fact, it’s surprisingly sincere and legitimately sweet for a...

entered on 09/12/14 at 08:28 PM | read more »



Fall? Oh, me!

I’ve reviewed movies professionally for more than a dozen years. The few weeks immediately surrounding the end of summer has always served as Hollywood’s trash heap. Only, unlike the talking one from “Fraggle Rock,” this trash heap doesn’t offer advice so much as waste hours of people’s lives so that mid-range stars can draw a paycheck.

This post-summer blah is the worst ever. How bad is it? The...

entered on 09/05/14 at 06:12 PM | read more »


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Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1

Half of what promises to be an epic conclusion to a fabulous series.

GRADE
B+


Birdman

A delirously fun satirical send up of artistic pretension. 

GRADE
B+


The Overnighters

"The Grapes of Wrath" in documentary form set in North Dakota.

GRADE
A-


Interstellar

If this was humanity's last hope, give up.

GRADE
D


Nightcrawler

A condemnation of crime pornography with a chilling central character.

GRADE
A


John Wick

You kill his dog, he kills a million people. You've been warned.

GRADE
B


Dear White People

The type of smart, ballsy satire that comes along all too rarely.

GRADE
A


Fury

War is hell, but this movie is just hella slow.

GRADE
C+


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