Sex Will Kill You

Under the Skin

Director Jonathan Glazer and writer Walter Campbell’s Under the Skin joins the smallest movie subgenre: brilliant but batshit insane. Inarguably gorgeous and insatiably intriguing, if I were forced at gunpoint to explain the “point” of this one, I’d end up with a new orifice.


Guesses as to the major thesis: Sex is bad? Women are the gatekeepers of sex and lure men into destruction with...

entered on 04/25/14 at 10:49 AM | read more »



Artificially Intelligent

Transcendence

Dear cast and crew of Transcendence,

It sucks, but this happens sometimes. You’ve made a perfectly fine (albeit unremarkable) movie, and the critics, both professionals and those deputized by social media, have decided to work you over like you owe them money. It should take human rights violations for a film to score below Need for Speed on this year’s Rotten Tomatoes’ “freshness” scale.

...

entered on 04/18/14 at 10:50 AM | read more »



Slipping Mickey

Ernest & Celestine

Gather ‘round kids and hear a story from the days of yore, a time when artists drew cartoons with their actual human hands and not every children’s movie had covert sex jokes for ma and pa to chuckle at. It was a time before everything was glossy and smooth, before Pharrell and his hat dropped feel-good funky dance beats over computer animation in an attempt to market a soundtrack to a wider...

entered on 04/11/14 at 10:49 AM | read more »



Marvel Blockbusts a Cap

Captain America: The Winter Soldier

With fight choreography pickpocketed from Baryshnikov and more leaping and bounding than Pooh’s friend Tigger on cocaine, Captain America (Chris Evans) makes beating the crap out of bad guys look downright pretty. Give directors Joe and Anthony Russo credit; bucking the law of diminishing returns, the brothers found a way to make the umpteenth superhero movie to be released in the last five...

entered on 04/04/14 at 10:49 AM | read more »



That Ship Cray

Noah

They gave the guy who made Requiem for a Dream $150 million to make a movie about Noah’s ark. Huh?! In Requiem, writer/director Darren Aronofsky had Jennifer Connelly connect with another woman via an unforgettable shared “experience.” So, if any exec at Paramount claims they didn’t think Noah would end up like this, they are real dumb.


It takes all of five minutes for Noah to deliver a...

entered on 03/28/14 at 10:33 AM | read more »



Quirking on Something Different

The Grand Budapest Hotel

To alter a phrase from Twain, who won’t mind because he’s dead, writer/director Wes Anderson repeated history until he figured out how to rhyme. Barring a brief foray into stop-motion animation, Anderson’s oeuvre for the last decade redundantly hit the same notes with the same instruments, producing repetitive, quirky music that hipsters totally liked before you did. Until now.

To alter a...

entered on 03/22/14 at 01:59 AM | read more »



Speedy and Irritable

Need for Speed

The most important thing to know before attempting to endure the lumbering bore that is Need for Speed is this: every single character in the film is unspeakably dumb. Presumably set in a world where humans never mentally evolved from an animal state, the movie features increasingly nonsensical behaviors by derpy morons whose ability to dress themselves is as impressive to us as their ability...

entered on 03/14/14 at 05:38 PM | read more »


Page 6 of 51 pages ‹ First  < 4 5 6 7 8 >  Last ›

Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1

Half of what promises to be an epic conclusion to a fabulous series.

GRADE
B+


Birdman

A delirously fun satirical send up of artistic pretension. 

GRADE
B+


The Overnighters

"The Grapes of Wrath" in documentary form set in North Dakota.

GRADE
A-


Interstellar

If this was humanity's last hope, give up.

GRADE
D


Nightcrawler

A condemnation of crime pornography with a chilling central character.

GRADE
A


John Wick

You kill his dog, he kills a million people. You've been warned.

GRADE
B


Dear White People

The type of smart, ballsy satire that comes along all too rarely.

GRADE
A


Fury

War is hell, but this movie is just hella slow.

GRADE
C+


Cutting Room for November 21

Movieha! Your favorite movie podcast

Cutting Room for November 14

Movieha! Your favorite movie podcast

Cutting Room for November 7

Movieha! Your favorite movie podcast

>