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Film

Subversive Profundity

 

Dogged Determination

 

Lucy Goosey

 

Ending in the Middle Earth

 

Everyone is Awful

 

Worst. Children’s Book. Ever.

 

Happy, Little Clouded

 

Cinéma Very Tame

 

No Big Bang

 

Bro-man Holiday

 

Control-Z Cruise

Every time Tom Cruise, the greatest modern matinee idol, makes a new movie, everybody rushes to fuse artist and art and spews out some variation of “I just don’t like him anymore.” America’s collective moral stance seems to be that we should never forget that someone belongs to a douchey faith but we should purge memories of other horrid things actors have done, like domestic abuse. Disagree? Tell it to Sean Penn’s...


So Choose One, Seth

It would be easier to shrug off writer/director/actor/egomaniac Seth McFarlane’s blatant racism and misogyny if he was funny or had a point. Alas, he isn’t and he doesn’t. A Million Ways to Die in the West is McFarlane’s laborious love letter from himself to his own stupid face and is a continuation of his brotastic brand of “edgy comedy,” which is really just saying awful shit and coyly winking as if to say “ain’t...


Era of Yesterday’s Tomorrows

Of the many things that director Bryan Singer would like to hide and forget, the X-Men movies made without him should be nowhere near the top of his (allegedly) vile list. Still, clearly at Singer’s behest, X-Men: Days of Future Past sticks its fingers in its ears and yells “nananana I can’t hear you” when it comes to preserving the continuity of a film series that has been drudging on for a mind-numbing 14 years...


Sad People Sadly Staring

If the blurb for a movie contains the words “Nazi occupation” and “dark family secret,” you can safely assume it won’t one day play on Comedy Central. Ida is permeated with such thick, dank sorrow that I began counting the number of times any character smiled. I had to open it up to “not explicitly frowning” before someone cracked the scoreboard.  This isn’t to say Ida is overly pessimistic; the thematic messages of...


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Project Almanac

An impossibly dumb movie about shallow morons and time travel.

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F

Blackhat

Can cybercrime fighting be sexy? Probably not.

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