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Oopsie Genius

 

No Big Bang

 

Heaven is Overrated

 

50/50 = Zero

 

Don’t Let Millennials Time Travel

 

News-sploitation

 

Confusing Hacktion

 

Yes, They Mean You

 

The Adventures of Super Vlad

 

Subversive Profundity

 

Thanks for Nothin’, 2010

There are years in film history that have pressed their indelible handprints into our cultural sidewalk, forever changing the way we collectively share and experience cinema. 2010 was not one of those years. 2010 was as unappealing as Facebook status updates from a depressed former high-school acquaintance — “Y won’t anyone luv me?” 2010 was as repetitious as my next sentence. 2010 was as uninspired as an...


We’re Killing Christian Bale

Look, either we give Christian Bale an Oscar or God knows what he’ll do to himself. Have you seen him in The Fighter? That dude looks like the “after” picture in Satan’s makeover brochure. Bale didn’t just drop weight to play a crackhead, he went full Skeletor up in this bitch. The most shocking acting transformation? He plays a people person.

The Fighter is a movie in which the fighter and the fighting...


Femi-Nun Side

Creating a film about a medieval nun (especially one without the words “naughty,” “nasty” or “naked” preceding it) is likely a form of cinematic suicide. The 18-25 male demographic would much rather watch one of Angelina Jolie’s gun-toting incarnations — preferably the one that wears hot pants.

German writer/director Margarethe von Trotta has never cared much about the aforementioned demographic....


Too-Weak Vacation

As thrilling as a slow-speed boat ride and as death-defying as a jump from a first-floor balcony, The Tourist needs you to find Angelina Jolie the most sex-tastic collection of pronounced collar bone and countable vertebrae in order to hold your attention. For those who don’t think exposed wrist sinew and “size: skeleton” dresses are the height of attraction, here’s hoping you like a bored-looking Johnny...


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Focus

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