Kosher Dull Picture

Footloose

Goofy can be an art form, and silliness is sometimes a lubricant that can grease the squeaky wheels of joyful entertainment. Sadly, writer/director Craig Brewer’s remake of Footloose isn’t just goofy or silly; it’s also stupid…like, really stupid. Sure, no copies of the original film are stored in the Louvre, but that flick had some bizarre natural charisma that made it endearing. This version...

entered on 10/16/11 at 06:24 PM | read more »



Attack Lads

The Ides of March

A reminder: Bobbing for apples in a sports stadium urinal trough may be less vile than becoming a professional politician. If Aaron Sorkin’s sorely missed “West Wing” was a weekly fairy tale of governmental grace, The Ides of March is a campfire ghost story where every player is the bogeyman. Populated exclusively with characters only passingly familiar with the definition of integrity, the...

entered on 10/08/11 at 07:16 PM | read more »



Pinkie Gets Fingered

Brighton Rock

Although writer/director Rowan Joffe’s Brighton Rock, the second attempt at a big-screen adaptation of a 1938 Graham Greene novel, never introduces us to the parents of its sociopathic main character, it’s safe to assume they sucked at child rearing. Maybe genetics alone determined that their offspring would become a brain-bashing, knife-wielding savage, but naming him Pinkie Brown couldn’t...

entered on 10/03/11 at 03:41 AM | read more »



The Digital Diamond

Moneyball

“It's hard not to be romantic about baseball.” Or so drawls Billy Beane, the restless Oakland Athletics general manager depicted in “all caps” by Brad Pitt in Moneyball. It's a hard statement to deny, whether or not the phrase “America's pastime” even means anything in our always-connected, always-at-war modern age. That conflict—idyllic nostalgia versus cruel reality—is the secret core of this...

entered on 09/26/11 at 03:45 PM | read more »



The Bell of the Bawl

Bellflower

Bellflower wants badly to burn. It so yearns to catch fire that cinematographer Joel Hodge appears to have frequently smeared ash on the lens and scrambled the color palate, so that bright reds and oranges practically ignite the screen. Alas and alack, beyond a sizzlin’ visual look, Bellflower is less flame and more smoke … derivative, borderline misogynistic smoke. It feels dirty taking a...

entered on 09/24/11 at 12:23 AM | read more »


Purell Madness

Contagion

Not to advocate violence, but anybody who cannot control their coughing while publicly watching Contagion, a movie about super sniffles that nearly destroy humanity, is either too sick to be around others or desperate for negative attention — that is to say, they’re either sick or “sick.” You know who I’m talking about, people.

With that off my chest, director Steven Soderbergh (Oceans 11, 12...

entered on 09/12/11 at 07:08 PM | read more »


Muck of the Irish

The Guard

Writer/director John Michael McDonagh’s debut feature, The Guard, begins with a scene where a tired old Irish cop (Brendan Gleason) inspects the scene of a fatal car wreck, finds some LSD in one of the victim's pockets and pops it in his mouth before offering a cold, expletive-laden greeting to the day.

It's the sort of studied, exaggerated aggression that might have seemed anarchic and...

entered on 09/05/11 at 06:20 PM | read more »


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Sin City: A Dame to Kill For

Still a fun place to visit, provided you're not a woman.

GRADE
C


The Giver

This adaptation of Lois Lowry's beloved award-winning classic will be none of those things.

GRADE
D


Boyhood

The only coming-of-age story anyone ever needs to make. 

GRADE
A+


Guardians of the Galaxy

A gleeful space opera that is as visually stunning as it is hilarious.

GRADE
A


Lucy

A girl ingests a drug that makes her God. For real.

GRADE
C+


Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Those damned apes are back and anything but dirty.

GRADE
B+


We Are the Best

Set in Stockholm in 1982, this is punk rock female adolescence at its finest.

GRADE
A


Snowpiercer

Awesome, literal class warfare on a train that holds the only humans that survived the new ice age.

GRADE
A-


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