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Film

Mocku-Dracu-mentary

 

Don’t Watch Once

 

Awful, Not Full of Awe

 

Define “Run”

 

Ending in the Middle Earth

 

World’s Greatest Mom

 

Chap-Hazard

 

Leni Riefen-stalling

 

Cons, Vexing

 

Please Sir, May I Have My Job?

 

Who Watches The Watch, Man?

Seeing as how it has an extraterrestrial plot, let’s describe The Watch using an astronomical metaphor. Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Jonah Hill and Richard Ayoade are like comedic planets that orbit a central, burning sun…and that sun is made entirely of penis jokes. Someone spent $70 million to make a movie in which aliens only die if you shoot them in the pee-pee, in which an alien is killed by having his thingie...


Got Ham?

From Christian Bale’s bark to Hans Zimmer’s “gonna getcha” score, if director Christopher Nolan has driven one point home in his Bat-films, it has been this: “Take my films seriously, yo.” From meditations on the fine line between vengeance and justice to the moral ambiguity of using high-end technology “for the greater good,” this Bat-trilogy has cleverly and successfully fused “real world” stuff with “comic...


Taylor Can’t Kitsch a Break

Ask former “Friday Night Lights” actor Taylor Kitsch what he did this summer, and if he’s honest, he will tell you he set his career on fire. Yes, let us weep for Kitsch and his Greek God physique, overflowing bank accounts and unquestionable green light to mate with whomever he wishes! In the span of 2-plus months he has flopped (John Carter), floundered (Battleship) and flubbed (Savages) his way back to footnote...


Never Go Full Burton

It’s not writer/director Wes Anderson’s fault that since he burst on the scene with what is still his best film, Bottle Rocket, he has become a hipster demigod. Even when The Royal Tenenbaums hit, tattoo mustaches on fingers and scarves in the summer were but a glimmer in the eyes of youth who would go on to appropriate the word irony in a way that is ironically ironic. Throw a pebble at an Arcade Fire concert and...


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Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2

The worst thing that ever happened.

GRADE
F

It Follows

If you have sex, a demon monster will haunt you. That's just science.

GRADE
D

Furious 7

It's the 7th Fast and Furious movie. Do you need to know more?

GRADE
A-

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'71

Set against the Northern Ireland conflict, this "trapped behind enemy lines" thriller delivers big time.

GRADE
A-

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What We Do in the Shadows

A mocumentary about vampires that actually has teeth.

GRADE
A

Kill Me Three Times

Dueling assassins bore in this rip-off of Tarantino, who is himself a notorious ripper-offer...

GRADE
D

On DVD

Interstellar

If this was humanity's last hope, give up.

GRADE
D

Run All Night

Hey everybody, it's that one movie where Liam Neeson does the old man action thing...again...

GRADE
D

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