In Need of Altar-ations

The Five-Year Engagement

Complaining about the length of a film can be a cop-out, a lazy way to avoid dissecting actual content in favor of basically whining about how valuable your free time is. But jokes about The Five-Year Engagement being long enough to legally make its audience common-law married aside, the duration of this and other Judd Apatow–produced movies has become a discussion point of substantial merit.

...

entered on 04/29/12 at 12:48 AM | read more »



Anatomically Correct

Bully

There is a conversation about bullying that is desperately needed in this country. Unfortunately, Bully seemingly isn’t interested in being part of it. Director Lee Hirsch’s film, although clearly well-intentioned, preaches to the choir with pedestrian truisms that tug on heart strings but ultimately add nothing of substance to a potentially important dialogue.

Sure, it’s impossible not to be...

entered on 04/21/12 at 04:54 AM | read more »



The Perils of Motherhood

This may sound like a joke to anyone who's seen Mommie Dearest (and believes what they've seen), but legendary hanger-hater Joan Crawford won her Oscar for playing a woman who surely has to be among the saintliest of silver screen single mothers.

In Mildred Pierce (1945), Crawford plays the titular heroine, a California divorcee struggling to make ends meet and raise a couple of daughters....

entered on 04/20/12 at 04:56 AM | read more »



Kung Ow Kickin’

The Raid: Redemption

Sometimes, life is simple. If you don’t like beef, don’t order a rib-eye. If you don’t like stale, recycled jokes, don’t watch CBS sitcoms. If you don’t like action movies, avoid The Raid: Redemption like a television-phobic vegan would avoid the stuff mentioned above.

Writer/director Gareth Evans, who admittedly did much more to earn the latter half of his hyphened title than the former,...

entered on 04/14/12 at 09:45 AM | read more »



Camp Crystal Fake-Out

The Cabin in the Woods

What’s funny is that writer Joss Whedon and writer/director Drew Goddard are going to get praised for how original The Cabin in the Woods is.

It isn’t.

In fact, the entire fundamental concept of the film relies solely on existing themes and tropes, on the relentless repurposing of the same mundane series of ideas over and over again. It just gives us an excuse to devour those familiar...

entered on 04/14/12 at 09:38 AM | read more »



Cinema Very T&A

Crazy Horse

Dress it up with classy filmmaking terms all you want, but facts are facts: Crazy Horse is an idling, simplistic documentary peppered with lady butts. Acclaimed director Frederick Wiseman (Titicut Follies) unleashes his cinéma vérité prowess on a subject unbecoming, lazily meandering through what appears to be a low-rent, mildly titillating Cirque du Soliel club in France. The intersection of...

entered on 04/07/12 at 11:03 PM | read more »



Jazz Gives the Blues

Chico and Rita

In America, the term “adult animation” still conjures up images of inappropriate drawings, an alarming genre enjoyed by a thankfully small subgroup of the human race. But for the rest of the world, cartoons are more than just a way to sell Happy Meal tie-ins. As France showed with Persepolis and Israel demonstrated with Waltz With Bashir, the limitless potential of animation dismantles budget...

entered on 03/30/12 at 09:31 PM | read more »


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John Wick

You kill his dog, he kills a million people. You've been warned.

GRADE
B


Dear White People

The type of smart, ballsy satire that comes along all too rarely.

GRADE
A


Fury

War is hell, but this movie is just hella slow.

GRADE
C+


Dracula Untold

What if Dracula was a superhero?!

GRADE
C


Gone Girl

This thriller has many twists, the biggest of which is that it's kind of a satire.

GRADE
A


The Boxtrolls

A stop-motion romp with near-nekkid trolls and a cross-dressing villain.

GRADE
B-


The Skeleton Twins

A dramedy about suicide elevated by its stars.

GRADE
B


Frank

A band that has a lead singer with a fake head will win your heart.

GRADE
A-


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