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A Siren’s Dirge

 

Pity the Privileged

 

Mocku-Dracu-mentary

 

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Unlucky Harms

 

Reel Meaning

 

Mainline It

 

Movieha! Your favorite movie podcast

 

Emotion Motion

 

Someone Call Chris Hansen

 

Par for the Corset

A quick preface before I eviscerate gifted director Joe Wright’s self-indulgent adaptation of genius playwright Tom Stoppard’s artifice-laden take on Leo Tolstoy’s classic Anna Karenina. I wrote a Master’s thesis on the influence 17th and 18th century female conduct books designed to codify feminine behavior had on the writing of Daniel Defoe’s satirical novel “Moll Flanders.” I don’t mention this just to make me...


Hawkes Virginity Hunt-ed

America’s Puritanical origins mean “sweetly sexual” may sound oxymoronic, but that phrase absolutely defines The Sessions, the softest and kindest movie to ever feature a star of “Mad About You” buck nekkid. Although nudity being “integral to the role” is a con that lecherous producers love to peddle to starlets drowning in Hollywood’s misogynistic subculture, this is a film legitimately predicated on preaching a...


Artificially Sweetened Pi

Forget Babe Ruth pointing a stick at bleachers; Life of Pi raises the stakes on “shot-calling” to unprecedented levels. Early on, it is explicitly stated that if the older version of Pi (Irrfan Khan) in the present day does not tell a story that convinces “The Writer” (Rafe Spall)—and by extension, the audience—in the existence of God, it’s a failure. No pressure or anything.

Considering that what follows is a...


A Man Did

A humble suggestion: Force the chittering, self-serving partisans in Washington who increasingly prefer filibusters over floor votes to watch Lincoln. Director Steven Spielberg’s latest provides a character sketch, not of its titular president, but of America’s political process. While hundreds of thousands of sons and fathers killed each other mere miles from where the House of Representatives screamed at one...


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Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation

Ethan Hunt and company must save the world. Again. Actually, again, again, again. 

GRADE
A-

Southpaw

Jake Gyllenhaal swings but the film kinda misses.

GRADE
C+

Ant-Man

A delightfully scaled-down heist movie featuring shrinking superheroes.

GRADE
A-

Minions

A spinoff of Despicable Me that isn't totally despicable. 

GRADE
C+

Amy

A soul-crushing look at a siren taken too early.

GRADE
A+

Me and Earl and the Dying Girl

Another coming-of-age dramedy about a sad, privileged white kid.

GRADE
D

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On DVD: What We Do in the Shadows

A mocumentary about vampires that actually has teeth.

GRADE
A

Magic Mike XXL

The gang is back to dry hump. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!

GRADE
B-

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