I See Clay People

Paranorman

Before Pixar flexed its artistic muscle (a muscle they could stand to exercise more frequently these days), the message in American animated films ranged from “always be true to yourself” to “always be true to yourself and also get heterosexually married.” Paranorman isn’t about self-confidence or individual expression. It’s about how people can be huge, cruel dicks. Specifically, when...

entered on 08/18/12 at 07:57 AM | read more »



Chinese Art Attack

Ai Weiwei: Never Sorry

It’s impossible not to watch Ai Weiwei, dubbed by some as the “Chinese Andy Warhol,” tell his motherland to eff right on off without thinking one thing first and foremost: That dude has got some Buddha-sized stones. Although Ai may possess the street art cred and pop culture popularity of Warhol, paintings of a Campbell’s soup can never inspired fear in the heart of an oppressive regime; oh,...

entered on 08/17/12 at 10:56 PM | read more »



Selfish Since He Was Bourne

The Bourne Legacy

With his rampant sex addiction and potential alcoholism, no one would consider James Bond a saint. But, hey, at least he’s out there trying to save the world from a bomb, giant laser or bad economic investments (gotta love modern “reality-based” action movies). The Bourne series, on the other hand, follows a “me-first” operative willing to endanger, if not outright kill with his recklessness,...

entered on 08/10/12 at 04:08 PM | read more »



Comedians United

The Campaign

It seems like an odd way to start a review for a movie in which Will Ferrell tries to make Zach Galifianakis touch his testicles on stage during a debate, but The Campaign has a clever message. Writers Chris Henchy and Shawn Harwell move beyond the standard skewing of attack-ad politics and candidates that are either incompetent or lecherous. Oh, sure, they have fun with the Scarecrow and the...

entered on 08/10/12 at 04:05 PM | read more »



Um, Forgettable

Total Recall

If you’ve ever seen an online profile picture, chances are you’re familiar with the pursed-lips, craned-neck, supposedly slimming contortion known affectionally as “the duckface.” Total Recall is the sci-fi tale of a quasi-postapocalyptic duckface war between Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel, with Colin Ferrell as the judge. At least, that’s what this remake of an adaptation of a short story,...

entered on 08/03/12 at 11:54 PM | read more »



Savage Beauty and The Beasts

Beasts of the Southern Wild

They should hand out oxygen tanks before each screening of Beasts of the Southern Wild because writer/director Benh Zeitlin’s debut feature film takes your breath in the very first scene and plays keep away with it for more than 90 minutes. When people kvetch about the abundance of remakes and sequels while whining about how “there are just no new ideas anymore,” tape their eyes open and play...

entered on 07/28/12 at 06:48 AM | read more »



Who Watches The Watch, Man?

The Watch

Seeing as how it has an extraterrestrial plot, let’s describe The Watch using an astronomical metaphor. Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Jonah Hill and Richard Ayoade are like comedic planets that orbit a central, burning sun…and that sun is made entirely of penis jokes. Someone spent $70 million to make a movie in which aliens only die if you shoot them in the pee-pee, in which an alien is killed by...

entered on 07/28/12 at 05:55 AM | read more »


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The Trip to Italy

Another affable outing with two British comedians.

GRADE
B+


Sin City: A Dame to Kill For

Still a fun place to visit, provided you're not a woman.

GRADE
C


The Giver

This adaptation of Lois Lowry's beloved award-winning classic will be none of those things.

GRADE
D


Boyhood

The only coming-of-age story anyone ever needs to make. 

GRADE
A+


Guardians of the Galaxy

A gleeful space opera that is as visually stunning as it is hilarious.

GRADE
A


Lucy

A girl ingests a drug that makes her God. For real.

GRADE
C+


Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Those damned apes are back and anything but dirty.

GRADE
B+


We Are the Best

Set in Stockholm in 1982, this is punk rock female adolescence at its finest.

GRADE
A


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