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Film

Oopsie Genius

 

No Big Bang

 

Heaven is Overrated

 

50/50 = Zero

 

Don’t Let Millennials Time Travel

 

News-sploitation

 

Confusing Hacktion

 

Yes, They Mean You

 

The Adventures of Super Vlad

 

Subversive Profundity

 

Only Kinda Good, Fellas

Nothing brings back memories of Sean Penn’s history as a serial domestic abuser like watching him revel in a man being drawn-and-quartered by automobiles. What a weird choice to take a cheesy, scene-chewing, 1940s mob-boss role at this point in his career. Cross-apply the same bewilderment to the decisions of Emma Stone, Ryan Gosling and Josh Brolin. Nick Nolte and Giovanni Ribisi? No, that seems about right…

...


Diabetes: The Real Monster

Hansel (Jeremy Renner) has diabetes. This is not a throwaway character trait, not a bit of bizarre nuance in a quasi-steampunk re-imagining of a Grimm fairy tale. The fact that Hansel must stop combatting the forces of darkness whenever his wrist-alarm-thingie goes off so he can inject himself with insulin is a full-fledged, God’s honest plot point in writer/director Tommy Wirkola’s film. Oh, and Hansel and Gretel...


Check Out Some Hot Briefs


The 2013 Oscar-nominated Shorts sizzle
Ryan Syrek

Outside of the unspeakable fame and groupies, the best part of being a movie critic is getting a peek at stuff you may otherwise never see. One of my favorite annual traditions is checking out what the Academy felt were little films worthy of a little guy made of gold. This year’s group is cross-my-heart-and-hope-to-die (no takebacks) the best slate yet.

...


You’ll Need a Haneke

Oh, hell no. Why you gotta do us like that, writer/director Michael Haneke? Is life not already emotionally dense enough that you have to go and drop Amour on us just to remind us how finite and precious this human experience is? This is the sort of film you don’t watch first thing in the morning (because your whole day is shot wallowing in the reality of mortality) or last thing at night (because good luck...


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Focus

A "who's conning who" movie that tries to con the audience.

GRADE
C+

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Jupiter Ascending

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Zero Motivation

This Israeli comedy about military service is a mixed bag.

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