Antebellum Antiheroism

Django Unchained

Oh, Quentin Tarantino, you’ve really done it this time, haven’t you? Nobody really cared when you fantasized that Hitler didn’t end his reign of terror with one last murder (his own), placing therapeutic cinematic release into the hands of machine-gun toting Jews blasting the bogeyman back to hell in Inglourious Basterds. But slavery? This ain’t Europe, QT; here in America, we like to judge...

entered on 12/27/12 at 05:52 PM | read more »



Sherlock Homeless

Jack Reacher

Jack Reacher, the hero of Jack Reacher (in case you were confused), is a drifter with nothing to lose. We know this because that is exactly what Tom Cruise says he is while yelling at a bad guy on the phone, Taken-style. Reacher is novelist Lee Child’s six-foot-five, fictional meal ticket beloved by millions who were outraged at the casting of the Lilliputian Cruise. Honestly, Cruise’s...

entered on 12/22/12 at 03:50 AM | read more »



2012, Will You Marry Me?

I want the 2012 year in film to have my babies. Heck, I’ll have its babies; it has been so durn good I’d totally go seahorse for it. Before I reduce a year that renewed my cinematic soul to a series of arbitrary numbers and rankings, a quick caveat: Because deadlines are soulless, and because major movie studios are the only things less concerned about Nebraska than presidential candidates, I...

entered on 12/21/12 at 06:33 PM | read more »



Dwarfing Expectations

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

We are masters of cynicism, proudly sporting a black-belt in backlash. If this generation of critics, pseudo-critics and armchair-article-writing audience members given the bully pulpit of social media has any legacy, it will be bitching for bitching’s sake.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey is awesome by the literal definition of the word, in that its relentless action, staggeringly nuanced...

entered on 12/15/12 at 11:53 PM | read more »



Holli-dazed and Reviewed

There is a difference between a guide to holiday movies and holiday movie guide. The former is simply a tour of cloying Christmas-time flicks you know by heart and the latter is a battle plan, a plan of action, a roadmap to maximizing your entertainment during whatever vacation you have managed to squirrel away for these winter days. Let’s consider various scenarios to ensure you maximize your...

entered on 12/14/12 at 08:41 PM | read more »



Par for the Corset

Anna Karenina

A quick preface before I eviscerate gifted director Joe Wright’s self-indulgent adaptation of genius playwright Tom Stoppard’s artifice-laden take on Leo Tolstoy’s classic Anna Karenina. I wrote a Master’s thesis on the influence 17th and 18th century female conduct books designed to codify feminine behavior had on the writing of Daniel Defoe’s satirical novel “Moll Flanders.” I don’t mention...

entered on 12/08/12 at 02:53 AM | read more »



Hawkes Virginity Hunt-ed

The Sessions

America’s Puritanical origins mean “sweetly sexual” may sound oxymoronic, but that phrase absolutely defines The Sessions, the softest and kindest movie to ever feature a star of “Mad About You” buck nekkid. Although nudity being “integral to the role” is a con that lecherous producers love to peddle to starlets drowning in Hollywood’s misogynistic subculture, this is a film legitimately...

entered on 11/30/12 at 05:40 PM | read more »


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John Wick

You kill his dog, he kills a million people. You've been warned.

GRADE
B


Dear White People

The type of smart, ballsy satire that comes along all too rarely.

GRADE
A


Fury

War is hell, but this movie is just hella slow.

GRADE
C+


Dracula Untold

What if Dracula was a superhero?!

GRADE
C


Gone Girl

This thriller has many twists, the biggest of which is that it's kind of a satire.

GRADE
A


The Boxtrolls

A stop-motion romp with near-nekkid trolls and a cross-dressing villain.

GRADE
B-


The Skeleton Twins

A dramedy about suicide elevated by its stars.

GRADE
B


Frank

A band that has a lead singer with a fake head will win your heart.

GRADE
A-


Cutting Room for October 24

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Cutting Room for October 3

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