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Film

Everyone is Awful

 

Worst. Children’s Book. Ever.

 

Happy, Little Clouded

 

Cinéma Very Tame

 

No Big Bang

 

Bro-man Holiday

 

Leni Riefen-stalling

 

Oopsie Genius

 

The Burden of Actual Christianity

 

Awful, Not Full of Awe

 

Only Kinda Good, Fellas

Nothing brings back memories of Sean Penn’s history as a serial domestic abuser like watching him revel in a man being drawn-and-quartered by automobiles. What a weird choice to take a cheesy, scene-chewing, 1940s mob-boss role at this point in his career. Cross-apply the same bewilderment to the decisions of Emma Stone, Ryan Gosling and Josh Brolin. Nick Nolte and Giovanni Ribisi? No, that seems about right…

...


Diabetes: The Real Monster

Hansel (Jeremy Renner) has diabetes. This is not a throwaway character trait, not a bit of bizarre nuance in a quasi-steampunk re-imagining of a Grimm fairy tale. The fact that Hansel must stop combatting the forces of darkness whenever his wrist-alarm-thingie goes off so he can inject himself with insulin is a full-fledged, God’s honest plot point in writer/director Tommy Wirkola’s film. Oh, and Hansel and Gretel...


Check Out Some Hot Briefs


The 2013 Oscar-nominated Shorts sizzle
Ryan Syrek

Outside of the unspeakable fame and groupies, the best part of being a movie critic is getting a peek at stuff you may otherwise never see. One of my favorite annual traditions is checking out what the Academy felt were little films worthy of a little guy made of gold. This year’s group is cross-my-heart-and-hope-to-die (no takebacks) the best slate yet.

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You’ll Need a Haneke

Oh, hell no. Why you gotta do us like that, writer/director Michael Haneke? Is life not already emotionally dense enough that you have to go and drop Amour on us just to remind us how finite and precious this human experience is? This is the sort of film you don’t watch first thing in the morning (because your whole day is shot wallowing in the reality of mortality) or last thing at night (because good luck...


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Blackhat

Can cybercrime fighting be sexy? Probably not.

GRADE
C

Inherent Vice

An "art-house stoner comedy" based on a Thomas Pynchon novel.

GRADE
B-

On DVD: Lucy

A girl ingests a drug that makes her God. For real.

GRADE
C+

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

The epic conclusion to the most epic of epics.

GRADE
A-

On DVD: Gone Girl

This thriller has many twists, the biggest of which is that it's kind of a satire.

GRADE
A

Reader Recommends

The Babadook

A terrifying tale of an ooky pop-up book and motherly love.

GRADE
A

On DVD: Boyhood

The only coming-of-age story anyone ever needs to make. 

GRADE
A+

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