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Film

That Boy Ain’t Right

 

Awake My Soul

 

‘Tis the Summer of This Content

 

Crawl for Your Oscar, Leo

 

Super Bad, Man

 

Ethics, Unchallenged

 

Stuck in a Bunker With You?

 

Run! It’s Super-ISIS!

 

Hype Damned

 

I Can’t Believe They Went Hare

 

Rome Alone

Honestly, at least half of the people who describe films as “Fellini-esque” have no idea what the hell they’re talking about. The term has become a pseudointellectual catch-all to describe flights of artistic fancy, when there is a very real and specific definition for that descriptor. As a point of reference, The Great Beauty (La Grande Bellezza) is so Fellini-esque, someone needs to pull on writer/director Paolo...


Bland. James Bland.

What the hell is a “shadow recruit?” Did they really just figure out the terrorist target via Instagram? Does Viktor Cherevin (Kenneth Branagh) win the award for “most stereotypical Russian villain in history” now that we know he has cirrhosis from drinking too much vodka? And seriously, what the hell is a shadow recruit?!

A good movie leaves you questioning previous notions. A series of cliches vaguely edited...


Love Hert-z

The most laughable part of Her isn’t the complex, sophisticated romantic relationship between a man and his software operating system; it’s the high-waisted, Clint Eastwood-esque pants everybody wears. Forget flying cars; just promise us a future where we don’t have to unzip to scratch our bellybuttons.

To be fair, this silly fashion is a logical extension of the oversized, lensless glasses and various goofy-ass...


Empty Account

Director John Lee Hancock isn’t Joseph Goebbels or Leni Riefenstahl by any stretch, but Saving Mr. Banks is as close to corporate propaganda as can be legally released in theaters. A Walt Disney Studios movie about Walt Disney (Tom Hanks) making a Walt Disney Studios movie, the take home message is that a woman who doggedly protects a deeply personal work of art is a cranky bitch who should just give Mickey Mouse...


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Keanu

Like John Wick but with a cat and more jokes than bloody head wounds.

GRADE
B+

First Monday in May

A propaganda-documentary about an industry with some pretty bad race issues...

GRADE
F

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The Huntsman: Winter's War

A poorly written, unnecessary and dumb movie I really enjoyed a lot.

GRADE
B+

The Jungle Book

A more "realistic" version of an animated story about talking animals who murder while singing.

GRADE
C

Midnight Special

A kid with weird powers is trying to get somewhere to do something that doesn't quite make sense.

GRADE
B-

On DVD

Star Wars: The Force Awakens

The most beloved franchise in film history is finally restored to glory.

GRADE
A+

On DVD

The Revenant

A man turns into a human chew toy for a bear to win an Oscar.

GRADE
C

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