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Film

Define “Run”

 

Ending in the Middle Earth

 

World’s Greatest Mom

 

Chap-Hazard

 

Leni Riefen-stalling

 

Cons, Vexing

 

Please Sir, May I Have My Job?

 

How to Have a Magnificent Period

 

Save the World, Do Butt Stuff

 

Oopsie Genius

 

Pew! Pew! Pew! ‘Merica!!

GI Joe: Retaliation’s script is so horrible, it should be in MoMA. Just like some people can’t stop staring at the world’s ugliest dog, this screenplay is fascinatingly hideous blather. It’s entirely possible the whole script was verbs: “shoot, explode, stab, scream.” Nobody expects Sorkin-esque dialogue from a franchise whose most popular character is a mute ninja, but it would be nice if it wasn’t total drooling...


Cookies Tossed, Paradise Lost

Until now, writer/director Harmony Korine’s brand of artistic weirdness has been completely useless. Intentionally obtuse to the point of sloppy goofiness, his work has differed from student films solely because he wasn’t enrolled.

So how the H-E-double-hockey-sticks is Spring Breakers the most compelling, disorienting and sublime film of this young year?

If Nicolas Winding Refn’s Drive got some of its...


Sex Bomb

To come of age when the modern world was doing the same had to feel profound. Children of the 1960s could turn teenage rage against causes of substance, like blossoming nuclear culture. The teenagers of today celebrate their sexual and intellectual emergence with angry tweets about Instagrammed food. But hey, it’s not like there’s some unjust war or nebulous ongoing foreign conflict to channel their hormonal...


You Should Mount Olympus

The only explanation that makes sense for the existence of Olympus Has Fallen is that someone found a 1990s action movie on VHS underneath Joel Silver’s bed and paid to have Gerard Butler digitally transposed over Steven Segal. The Die Hard franchise may be hiking up its skirt and whoring its nostalgia, but look no further than this blathering gibberish for a genuine blast from the past; it hails from a time when...


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