2012, Will You Marry Me?

I want the 2012 year in film to have my babies. Heck, I’ll have its babies; it has been so durn good I’d totally go seahorse for it. Before I reduce a year that renewed my cinematic soul to a series of arbitrary numbers and rankings, a quick caveat: Because deadlines are soulless, and because major movie studios are the only things less concerned about Nebraska than presidential candidates, I...

entered on 12/21/12 at 06:33 PM | read more »



Dwarfing Expectations

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

We are masters of cynicism, proudly sporting a black-belt in backlash. If this generation of critics, pseudo-critics and armchair-article-writing audience members given the bully pulpit of social media has any legacy, it will be bitching for bitching’s sake.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey is awesome by the literal definition of the word, in that its relentless action, staggeringly nuanced...

entered on 12/15/12 at 11:53 PM | read more »



Holli-dazed and Reviewed

There is a difference between a guide to holiday movies and holiday movie guide. The former is simply a tour of cloying Christmas-time flicks you know by heart and the latter is a battle plan, a plan of action, a roadmap to maximizing your entertainment during whatever vacation you have managed to squirrel away for these winter days. Let’s consider various scenarios to ensure you maximize your...

entered on 12/14/12 at 08:41 PM | read more »



Par for the Corset

Anna Karenina

A quick preface before I eviscerate gifted director Joe Wright’s self-indulgent adaptation of genius playwright Tom Stoppard’s artifice-laden take on Leo Tolstoy’s classic Anna Karenina. I wrote a Master’s thesis on the influence 17th and 18th century female conduct books designed to codify feminine behavior had on the writing of Daniel Defoe’s satirical novel “Moll Flanders.” I don’t mention...

entered on 12/08/12 at 02:53 AM | read more »



Hawkes Virginity Hunt-ed

The Sessions

America’s Puritanical origins mean “sweetly sexual” may sound oxymoronic, but that phrase absolutely defines The Sessions, the softest and kindest movie to ever feature a star of “Mad About You” buck nekkid. Although nudity being “integral to the role” is a con that lecherous producers love to peddle to starlets drowning in Hollywood’s misogynistic subculture, this is a film legitimately...

entered on 11/30/12 at 05:40 PM | read more »



Artificially Sweetened Pi

Life of Pi

Forget Babe Ruth pointing a stick at bleachers; Life of Pi raises the stakes on “shot-calling” to unprecedented levels. Early on, it is explicitly stated that if the older version of Pi (Irrfan Khan) in the present day does not tell a story that convinces “The Writer” (Rafe Spall)—and by extension, the audience—in the existence of God, it’s a failure. No pressure or anything.

Considering that...

entered on 11/21/12 at 05:36 PM | read more »



A Man Did

Lincoln

A humble suggestion: Force the chittering, self-serving partisans in Washington who increasingly prefer filibusters over floor votes to watch Lincoln. Director Steven Spielberg’s latest provides a character sketch, not of its titular president, but of America’s political process. While hundreds of thousands of sons and fathers killed each other mere miles from where the House of Representatives...

entered on 11/17/12 at 05:17 AM | read more »


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The Trip to Italy

Another affable outing with two British comedians.

GRADE
B+


Sin City: A Dame to Kill For

Still a fun place to visit, provided you're not a woman.

GRADE
C


The Giver

This adaptation of Lois Lowry's beloved award-winning classic will be none of those things.

GRADE
D


Boyhood

The only coming-of-age story anyone ever needs to make. 

GRADE
A+


Guardians of the Galaxy

A gleeful space opera that is as visually stunning as it is hilarious.

GRADE
A


Lucy

A girl ingests a drug that makes her God. For real.

GRADE
C+


Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Those damned apes are back and anything but dirty.

GRADE
B+


We Are the Best

Set in Stockholm in 1982, this is punk rock female adolescence at its finest.

GRADE
A


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