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Film

Everyone is Awful

 

Worst. Children’s Book. Ever.

 

Happy, Little Clouded

 

Cinéma Very Tame

 

No Big Bang

 

Bro-man Holiday

 

Leni Riefen-stalling

 

Oopsie Genius

 

The Burden of Actual Christianity

 

Awful, Not Full of Awe

 

That’s Enough, James Franco

At one point, our collective return to Oz (not be confused with Return to Oz, sorry Faruza) was going to see director Sam Raimi deploy Robert Downey Jr as his titular wizard. The short list after Downey split must have consisted of just two names: James Franco and “a bag of dirt and sand.” “A bag of dirt and sand” must have had schedule conflicts.

Look, James Franco must be stopped. For too long we have been...


South of Justice

Four movies have been made, and 16 years have passed since three teenagers were imprisoned for a crime they very clearly didn’t commit. The “West Memphis Three,” the subject of copious celebrity crusading and a myriad of documentaries, have become reluctant mascots of a legal system gone awry. An implosion of justice in Arkansas may not seem like breaking news to a country long fatigued about moral problems in the...


For Me? Fine. So Dumb!

The theory holds that monkeys typing on a typewriter can eventually produce “Hamlet” by accident. Presumably, Jack the Giant Slayer is one of the monkeys’ lesser works. Hobbled together by five writers, one of whom is a previous Best Screenplay Oscar winner, this film is a series of studio executive notes stretched into two hours. Unimaginative, uninspired, undeserving of attention, this bloated monstrosity...


I Immediately Regret This Decision

It has been claimed by the defendant, Mr. Ryan Syrek, that the film Beautiful Creatures is neither “reductive Twilight barf” nor “derivative young-adult hormonal daydreaming” but that it is, instead, “charming and kinda fun.” The prosecution points to Mr. Syrek’s questionable celebration of such films as Miss Congeniality 2 and Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters as evidence of his compromised mental state. Let the...


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Blackhat

Can cybercrime fighting be sexy? Probably not.

GRADE
C

Inherent Vice

An "art-house stoner comedy" based on a Thomas Pynchon novel.

GRADE
B-

On DVD: Lucy

A girl ingests a drug that makes her God. For real.

GRADE
C+

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

The epic conclusion to the most epic of epics.

GRADE
A-

On DVD: Gone Girl

This thriller has many twists, the biggest of which is that it's kind of a satire.

GRADE
A

Reader Recommends

The Babadook

A terrifying tale of an ooky pop-up book and motherly love.

GRADE
A

On DVD: Boyhood

The only coming-of-age story anyone ever needs to make. 

GRADE
A+

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