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Film

Once, Again

 

Speaking of Unholy Abominations…

 

Never Go “Full Arthouse”

 

Ride this Dragon

 

United in Praise

 

Twitter Wars: A New Nope

 

Can Mew Dig It?

 

Fashion Backward

 

Yas, Queens!

 

Beasts of Burden

 

Hazy Hazings

Let’s start with something that’s apparently really, really hard for edgy comedy people to grasp: jokes about rape or the N-word suck, and you suck for using them. Yes, you are allowed to make them; they aren’t illegal or anything. But saying “nothing is off-limits in comedy” makes you sound like a pretentious wang who thinks humor is some kind of miracle drug. Laughter isn’t literally “the best medicine,” so until...


Squash the Spider, Man!

Spider-man’s new costume looks swell, and Emma Stone is charming. Those are the only two things about The Amazing Spider-man 2 I didn’t hate with the fiery anger of a thousand exploding suns. Every other performance, every last bit of dialogue and plot, every character beat, every joke, every garishly cartoonish action sequence can die a painful, prolonged death before languishing in the bowels of whatever hell is...


Sex Will Kill You

Director Jonathan Glazer and writer Walter Campbell’s Under the Skin joins the smallest movie subgenre: brilliant but batshit insane. Inarguably gorgeous and insatiably intriguing, if I were forced at gunpoint to explain the “point” of this one, I’d end up with a new orifice.


Guesses as to the major thesis: Sex is bad? Women are the gatekeepers of sex and lure men into destruction with their alluring “honey...


Artificially Intelligent

Dear cast and crew of Transcendence,

It sucks, but this happens sometimes. You’ve made a perfectly fine (albeit unremarkable) movie, and the critics, both professionals and those deputized by social media, have decided to work you over like you owe them money. It should take human rights violations for a film to score below Need for Speed on this year’s Rotten Tomatoes’ “freshness” scale.

Oh, was that rubbing...


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X-Men: Apocalypse

A nonstop mutant fight club with little plot, thin characters and a whole lotta fun!

GRADE
B

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Embrace the Serpent

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