Hocus Poke-my-eyes-out

The Incredible Burt Wonderstone

Like a scathing satire of the Soviet Union or a mockumentary musical on grunge, The Incredible Burt Wonderstone sets its eyes on an expired target of cultural derision nobody gives a fuzzy rabbit about anymore. Dressing Steve Carrell in a Siegfried and Roy bedazzled jumpsuit only works if people know who the hell Siegfried and Roy were. Criss Angel, known for targeting gothic youth, is closing...

entered on 03/16/13 at 02:54 AM | read more »



That’s Enough, James Franco

Oz the Great and Powerful

At one point, our collective return to Oz (not be confused with Return to Oz, sorry Faruza) was going to see director Sam Raimi deploy Robert Downey Jr as his titular wizard. The short list after Downey split must have consisted of just two names: James Franco and “a bag of dirt and sand.” “A bag of dirt and sand” must have had schedule conflicts.

Look, James Franco must be stopped. For too...

entered on 03/08/13 at 06:24 PM | read more »



South of Justice

West of Memphis

Four movies have been made, and 16 years have passed since three teenagers were imprisoned for a crime they very clearly didn’t commit. The “West Memphis Three,” the subject of copious celebrity crusading and a myriad of documentaries, have become reluctant mascots of a legal system gone awry. An implosion of justice in Arkansas may not seem like breaking news to a country long fatigued about...

entered on 03/03/13 at 07:24 AM | read more »



For Me? Fine. So Dumb!

Jack the Giant Slayer

The theory holds that monkeys typing on a typewriter can eventually produce “Hamlet” by accident. Presumably, Jack the Giant Slayer is one of the monkeys’ lesser works. Hobbled together by five writers, one of whom is a previous Best Screenplay Oscar winner, this film is a series of studio executive notes stretched into two hours. Unimaginative, uninspired, undeserving of attention, this...

entered on 03/02/13 at 02:52 AM | read more »



I Immediately Regret This Decision

Beautiful Creatures

It has been claimed by the defendant, Mr. Ryan Syrek, that the film Beautiful Creatures is neither “reductive Twilight barf” nor “derivative young-adult hormonal daydreaming” but that it is, instead, “charming and kinda fun.” The prosecution points to Mr. Syrek’s questionable celebration of such films as Miss Congeniality 2 and Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters as evidence of his compromised...

entered on 02/22/13 at 07:06 PM | read more »



Die Hardly

A Good Day to Die Hard

John McClane (Bruce Willis), the hyper-violent man perpetually wrong in place and time, has always been Rambo by way of “grumpy cat.” The only thing that makes Die Hard actually Die Hard is the surly sense of humor McClane spouts whilst committing copious homicides. Sadly, A Good Day to Die Hard turns him into a boring dick who you wish would find death a little less difficult to embrace.

A...

entered on 02/15/13 at 08:00 PM | read more »



Faint Pulse Praise

Warm Bodies

“Warm” is the ultimate ‘tweener temperature. It’s not “hot” or “cold;” it rejects extreme or definitive categorization. It’s the thermometer equivalent of “meh.” So, it’s fitting that writer/director Jonathon Levine’s film sports the noncommittal word as the lead in its title. Warm Bodies is completely okay. It is resplendently fine. It is immeasurably pretty good. Sadly, it really hoped to be...

entered on 02/09/13 at 05:04 AM | read more »


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Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1

Half of what promises to be an epic conclusion to a fabulous series.

GRADE
B+


Birdman

A delirously fun satirical send up of artistic pretension. 

GRADE
B+


The Overnighters

"The Grapes of Wrath" in documentary form set in North Dakota.

GRADE
A-


Interstellar

If this was humanity's last hope, give up.

GRADE
D


Nightcrawler

A condemnation of crime pornography with a chilling central character.

GRADE
A


John Wick

You kill his dog, he kills a million people. You've been warned.

GRADE
B


Dear White People

The type of smart, ballsy satire that comes along all too rarely.

GRADE
A


Fury

War is hell, but this movie is just hella slow.

GRADE
C+


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