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Film

The Bacon of Blockbusters

 

Unlucky Harms

 

Mocku-Dracu-mentary

 

Don’t Watch Once

 

Awful, Not Full of Awe

 

Define “Run”

 

Ending in the Middle Earth

 

World’s Greatest Mom

 

Chap-Hazard

 

Leni Riefen-stalling

 

Focus-trailer Cons, Vexing

Despite its title and the fact that Will Smith continually mouth-dumps exposition about how pulling a con requires attention to detail, Focus is hella sloppy. It’s not just that genuinely thrilling “who’s playing who” moments bump up against a holistically unbelievable romantic core, it’s that writers/directors Glenn Ficarra and John Requa never decided on the movie’s tone. Lithe and funny until it’s leaden and...


Two-days-one-night-stars-marion-cotillard-as-a-factory-worker-trying-to-keep-her-job Please Sir, May I Have My Job?

Sit down, Sartre, writers/directors Jean-Pierre and Luc Dardenne get it a bit more right: Hell isn’t just other people. Hell is asking other people to surrender their bonuses so you can keep your job. Two Days, One Night is a harrowing social allegory, a dramatic minimization of a growing socioeconomic reality. The bosses of the world are greedily devouring an ever-expanding amount of wealth, leaving the...


Mr-turner How to Have a Magnificent Period

Although the amount of excess carbon that human beings are introducing into the atmosphere will undoubtedly lead to the catastrophic side effects of global climate change in the near future, period costume dramas are the worst thing happening to the world right now. Despite their exploration of the same sterile, usually white, usually wealthy, usually British societies time and time again, this zombie genre refuses...


Kingsman-image Save the World, Do Butt Stuff

Oh, what a beautiful fable Kingsman: The Secret Service weaves! Its moral is clear: If you save the world from a megalomaniac hellbent on eradicating the bulk of humanity, you get to have anal sex with a Swedish princess!

This useless bit of machismo trash is the only thing that captures the latent fratboy misogyny that populates much of the work of comic book author Mark Millar, whose series was the source...


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Ex Machina

A brilliant bit of science fiction that works like a tense stage play.

GRADE
A+

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Furious 7

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'71

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A mocumentary about vampires that actually has teeth.

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Kill Me Three Times

Dueling assassins bore in this rip-off of Tarantino, who is himself a notorious ripper-offer...

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