Control-Z Cruise

Edge of Tomorrow

Every time Tom Cruise, the greatest modern matinee idol, makes a new movie, everybody rushes to fuse artist and art and spews out some variation of “I just don’t like him anymore.” America’s collective moral stance seems to be that we should never forget that someone belongs to a douchey faith but we should purge memories of other horrid things actors have done, like domestic abuse. Disagree?...

entered on 06/06/14 at 10:28 AM | read more »



So Choose One, Seth

A Million Ways to Die in the West

It would be easier to shrug off writer/director/actor/egomaniac Seth McFarlane’s blatant racism and misogyny if he was funny or had a point. Alas, he isn’t and he doesn’t. A Million Ways to Die in the West is McFarlane’s laborious love letter from himself to his own stupid face and is a continuation of his brotastic brand of “edgy comedy,” which is really just saying awful shit and coyly winking...

entered on 05/30/14 at 10:23 AM | read more »



Era of Yesterday’s Tomorrows

X-Men: Days of Future Past

Of the many things that director Bryan Singer would like to hide and forget, the X-Men movies made without him should be nowhere near the top of his (allegedly) vile list. Still, clearly at Singer’s behest, X-Men: Days of Future Past sticks its fingers in its ears and yells “nananana I can’t hear you” when it comes to preserving the continuity of a film series that has been drudging on for a...

entered on 05/23/14 at 09:15 AM | read more »



Sad People Sadly Staring

Ida

If the blurb for a movie contains the words “Nazi occupation” and “dark family secret,” you can safely assume it won’t one day play on Comedy Central. Ida is permeated with such thick, dank sorrow that I began counting the number of times any character smiled. I had to open it up to “not explicitly frowning” before someone cracked the scoreboard.  This isn’t to say Ida is overly pessimistic; the...

entered on 05/22/14 at 01:18 PM | read more »



Atomic Blast

Godzilla

Repent! The end is nigh! For unto them shall come a lizard with a beer belly, barfing atomic breath and bringing despair and sadness to Heisenberg from “Breaking Bad!”

It’s safe to say that the ad campaign for director Gareth Edwards' Godzilla reboot sold an apocalyptic product that seemed to be in line with the grim n’ gritty, death n’ destruction blockbusters that are en vogue these days. From...

entered on 05/16/14 at 12:21 PM | read more »



Hazy Hazings

Neighbors

Let’s start with something that’s apparently really, really hard for edgy comedy people to grasp: jokes about rape or the N-word suck, and you suck for using them. Yes, you are allowed to make them; they aren’t illegal or anything. But saying “nothing is off-limits in comedy” makes you sound like a pretentious wang who thinks humor is some kind of miracle drug. Laughter isn’t literally “the best...

entered on 05/11/14 at 05:18 PM | read more »



Squash the Spider, Man!

The Amazing Spider-man 2

Spider-man’s new costume looks swell, and Emma Stone is charming. Those are the only two things about The Amazing Spider-man 2 I didn’t hate with the fiery anger of a thousand exploding suns. Every other performance, every last bit of dialogue and plot, every character beat, every joke, every garishly cartoonish action sequence can die a painful, prolonged death before languishing in the bowels...

entered on 05/02/14 at 10:53 AM | read more »


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The Trip to Italy

Another affable outing with two British comedians.

GRADE
B+


Sin City: A Dame to Kill For

Still a fun place to visit, provided you're not a woman.

GRADE
C


The Giver

This adaptation of Lois Lowry's beloved award-winning classic will be none of those things.

GRADE
D


Boyhood

The only coming-of-age story anyone ever needs to make. 

GRADE
A+


Guardians of the Galaxy

A gleeful space opera that is as visually stunning as it is hilarious.

GRADE
A


Lucy

A girl ingests a drug that makes her God. For real.

GRADE
C+


Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Those damned apes are back and anything but dirty.

GRADE
B+


We Are the Best

Set in Stockholm in 1982, this is punk rock female adolescence at its finest.

GRADE
A


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