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That Boy Ain’t Right

 

Awake My Soul

 

‘Tis the Summer of This Content

 

Crawl for Your Oscar, Leo

 

Super Bad, Man

 

Ethics, Unchallenged

 

Stuck in a Bunker With You?

 

Run! It’s Super-ISIS!

 

Hype Damned

 

I Can’t Believe They Went Hare

 

La-et-mn-key-peele-movie-sxsw-keanu-premiere-t-001 Can Mew Dig It?

You either find it unbearably funny that a suburban dad named Clarence finds himself in a stripclub called HPV surrounded by hardcore gangsters who force him to take on a more “bad-ass name”—and that the “bad-ass name” he comes up with is “Shark Tank”—or you don’t. If you don’t, you are going to blipping hate Keanu. It is a relentless barrage of a slow-motion kitten frolicking wearing a do-rag while a street gang...


Unspecified Fashion Backward

The First Monday in May is a feature length-commercial for the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s world-famous annual fashion exhibition that quickly turns into a shockingly oblivious confirmation that every criticism we’ve ever heard about the fashion industry is absolutely, 100% correct. Director Andrew Rossi’s documentary is bookended by insufferable brownnosing that could only come from someone who’s used to begging...


The-huntsman-winters-war-official-trailer-00 Yas, Queens!

Oh dear God should The Huntsman: Winter’s War not work. Like, it should cause uncontrollable vomiting and permanent erectile dysfunction. So, sweet Jeebus, do I have my work cut out for me here. Nobody look at the score I gave at the bottom before reading all of this first, okay? Oh, come on! You looked. Just now. You looked just now, didn’t you? Dammit.

Fine, to recap: This movie is a sequel to Snow White and the...


Junglebooktriptych3-800x400 Beasts of Burden

The Jungle Book is director Jon Favreau’s “live-action”—if you count an entirely CGI environment with almost entirely CGI characters to be “live-action”—update of the classic Disney tale. A young boy, Mowgli (Neel Sethi) is protected by a panther, Bagheera (Ben Kingsley); semi-raised by a wolf, Raksha (Lupita Nyong’o); befriends a bear, Baloo (Bill Murray); kinda-almost-sorta gets eaten by a snake, Kaa (Scarlett...


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Keanu

Like John Wick but with a cat and more jokes than bloody head wounds.

GRADE
B+

First Monday in May

A propaganda-documentary about an industry with some pretty bad race issues...

GRADE
F

Reader Recommends

The Huntsman: Winter's War

A poorly written, unnecessary and dumb movie I really enjoyed a lot.

GRADE
B+

The Jungle Book

A more "realistic" version of an animated story about talking animals who murder while singing.

GRADE
C

Midnight Special

A kid with weird powers is trying to get somewhere to do something that doesn't quite make sense.

GRADE
B-

On DVD

Star Wars: The Force Awakens

The most beloved franchise in film history is finally restored to glory.

GRADE
A+

On DVD

The Revenant

A man turns into a human chew toy for a bear to win an Oscar.

GRADE
C

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