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How to get Lonely, become Bulletproof, and create World Peace

 

Daily Dump for Monday (February 7)

With apologizes to Mr. Eliot, February is the cruelest month. Football is over (maybe for, like, forever), it's colder than the cockles of Rush Limbaugh's soul, the weekly movie selections read more like a set of "dares" (seriously, who would voluntarily see The Roommate if it wasn't some kind of physical challenge?). This is one of those months you just endure. And a MONDAY in FEBRUARY? Forget about it. That's like...


Ryan’s Junk Drawer

"With great junk, comes great responsibility" - Better Off Ted

It's been too long since you saw my junk. I'm embarrassed, but last Friday I just couldn't get it up. That sacred day that signals the beginning of the (week)end, the day reserved by a devoted legion of followers out there for rolling around in my junk, came and went with nary a peek. It wasn't the first time, and it won't be the last, but I do...


Things You Should Buy Me (Volume 63)

Folks, I'm not the greedy bastard this column's title would have you believe. Oh, sure, I like getting stuff...but receiving like 3-5 items of the nearly 200 items I've posted in this segment has taught me that life is about NOT getting stuff. In which case, I am really, really good at life. My point is this, I'm not going to sit here and once more beg you for material goods that you will find awesome (and probably...


Daily Dump for Wednesday (February 2)

Chances are, if you're reading this, you're only running your computer to generate heat in order to stave off Snowpocalypse Now. Seriously, did you see this?

That's NOT from a movie. That's the Windy City today. Luckily, I live in Omaha, which only has to contend with ridiculously sub-zero weather (a sneeze will freeze on your face)...but luckily, we were just selected as one of the top 10 drunkest cities, so the...


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Ex Machina

A brilliant bit of science fiction that works like a tense stage play.

GRADE
A+

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The Hunting Ground

A vastly important documentary on America's college sexual assault epidemic.

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A+

Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2

The worst thing that ever happened.

GRADE
F

It Follows

If you have sex, a demon monster will haunt you. That's just science.

GRADE
D

Furious 7

It's the 7th Fast and Furious movie. Do you need to know more?

GRADE
A-

'71

Set against the Northern Ireland conflict, this "trapped behind enemy lines" thriller delivers big time.

GRADE
A-

What We Do in the Shadows

A mocumentary about vampires that actually has teeth.

GRADE
A

Kill Me Three Times

Dueling assassins bore in this rip-off of Tarantino, who is himself a notorious ripper-offer...

GRADE
D

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