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Cutting Room for February 16

  • I don’t know a word in French that wasn’t in “Lady Marmalade,” so someone needs to tell me if “Le Figaro” translates to “Liars with Pants of Fire.” Why? Well, a French newspaper with that name is reporting that Marion Cotillard was just cast in The Dark Knight Rises. If the French aren’t lying to me again, I’m ecstatic. My only regret is that Anne Hathaway beat her to Catwoman’s spandex.

  • The...


Daily Dump for Monday (February 14)

That groundhog knows his shit, huh? In the midst of the coldest stretch of the year that fuzzy bastard said "it ends soon." Well tickle me with groundhog fur, we've been swimming around in melted snow rivers as the temps have soared and with it, my mood! Rejoice for the wonder of nature and its ability to lessen my grumpitude. Unless of course I'm watching the Grammys. Last night Facebook friends got a little taste...


Ryan’s Junk Drawer (February 11)

"With great junk, comes great responsibility" - Better Off Ted

Finally! I made you wait for my junk too long this week, and I apologize. My junk is something that nobody should wait for, as a general rule. I've been trying to get people to look at my junk whenever they want for years now. The more the merrier, when it comes to my junk, I say! And yet, here I go, making you think my junk wasn't going to pop up this...


Things You Should Buy Me (Volume 64)

I suppose I should be thankful. Right now, everybody around me is either infected with some plague that is clearly a precursor to the zombie apocalypse or otherwise afflicted with mental ailments. Me? I feel sleepy pie and have a tiny throat tickle. So I SHOULD be satisfied with having superior hit points to everyone else, but I'm not. I want stuff. More stuff. Expensive stuff. Stuff you buy. Since Christmas I have...


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Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2

The worst thing that ever happened.

GRADE
F

It Follows

If you have sex, a demon monster will haunt you. That's just science.

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D

Furious 7

It's the 7th Fast and Furious movie. Do you need to know more?

GRADE
A-

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'71

Set against the Northern Ireland conflict, this "trapped behind enemy lines" thriller delivers big time.

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What We Do in the Shadows

A mocumentary about vampires that actually has teeth.

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Kill Me Three Times

Dueling assassins bore in this rip-off of Tarantino, who is himself a notorious ripper-offer...

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On DVD

Interstellar

If this was humanity's last hope, give up.

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D

Run All Night

Hey everybody, it's that one movie where Liam Neeson does the old man action thing...again...

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