All the news I feel like printing for Tuesday

Sorry this is later in the day. It's hard to get back into the swing of things after you've been gone for so long. I feel like Michael Jordan after he retired to play baseball trying to find his jump shot again. Of course, there's one pretty obvious difference between me and MJ: I live in Omaha.

Things are starting to pick up again after the holiday lull, meaning an egg nogg-and-rum hangover officially lasts 12 days. We have a smattering of minor casting news, Pixariffic information, award nominations, a clay Machete, and the cast photo of a remake of a Charlie Sheen movie (uncross your fingers, it's not a remake of Money Talks).

First up, Monsters Inc 2 is coming...like it or not. I for one like it...but I like a lot of things that nobody else likes, such as sleeping in cold temperatures and "Saturday Night Live." The interwebs went crazy about NEW NEWS REGARDING THIS IMPENDING PIXAR SEQUEL!!!! OMG!!! Except...the news came from an interview that's reeeeeaaaaally old. So take it with a gigantic grain of salt that next year, these two lovable monsters may be starring in a PREQUEL where they are in college.

Whatever. Sounds good to me. I'd trust Pixar to babysit my child at this point. Hell, I may trust Pixar to father a child at this point. Furthermore on the Pixar front, the Toy Story characters are STILL not done being played with yet. No, they're not launching Toy Story 4 (yet), but they are returning in a short that will be in front of...sigh...Cars 2. The automobile-animated extravaganza represents the least promising Pixar work yet, screaming "SHOW ME THE MONEY" louder than Cuba Gooding Jr (and I don't mean in Jerry Maguire, I mean when he robbed someone at gunpoint for money to eat yesterday). Still, news that Buzz and Woody will be in front of that money-grubber makes me happy. Apparently, the short will follow Barbie and Ken as their honeymoon to Hawaii is canceled, forcing the gang to give them a staycation, It's A Wonderful Life style. So...yay, the toys are back...again...

Speaking of back, after showing us her Beaver with Mel Gibson (never gonna get old), Jodie Foster is going to star in a project that continues to leap up my most anticipated scale.

The film is Elysium, and I have no idea what it's about. All I know is that it's Neill Blomkamp's follow-up to District 9...so I'm good with that. Also starring Sharlto Copely and Matt Damon, all we know is that the film is "set on another world." Maybe in that world, Foster is open about her sexuality and Gibson isn't racist. What? I said maybe.

Beauty and the Beast 3D is indeed happening! It's just happening some place much closer to you than theaters. No, not in your pants. That's a good guess though.

Instead, the hairy/pretty duo will be all up in the third dimension ONLY on Blu-Ray and not in theaters. This is delightful news to suckers like me who just bought their wives the movie on regular Blu-Ray. Thanks, Disney!!

Writer's Guild Nominations always seem smart to me. Maybe because they're given to writers? I generally like those guys. There are so many weird rules for each award ceremony, so just know that not all the best movies were even allowed to be nominated. Here they are:

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

  • Black Swan, Screenplay by Mark Heyman and Andres Heinz and John McLaughlin; Story by Andres Heinz
  • The Fighter, Screenplay by Scott Silver and Paul Tamasy & Eric Johnson; Story by Keith Dorrington & Paul Tamasy & Eric Johnson
  • Inception, Written by Christopher Nolan
  • The Kids Are All Right, Written by Lisa Cholodenko & Stuart Blumberg
  • Please Give, Written by Nicole Holofcener

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

  • 127 Hours, Screenplay by Danny Boyle & Simon Beaufoy; Based on the book Between a Rock and a Hard Place by Aron Ralston
  • I Love You Phillip Morris, Written by John Requa & Glenn Ficarra; Based on the book by Steven McVicker
  • The Social Network, Screenplay by Aaron Sorkin; Based on the book The Accidental Billionaires by Ben Mezrich
  • The Town, Screenplay by Peter Craig and Ben Affleck & Aaron Stockard; Based on the novel Prince of Thieves by Chuck Hogan
  • True Grit, Screenplay by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen; Based on the novel by Charles Portis

DOCUMENTARY SCREENPLAY

  • Enemies of the People, Written, Directed, Filmed and Produced by Rob Lemkin and Thet Sambath
  • Freedom Riders, Written, Produced and Directed by Stanley Nelson
  • Gasland, Written and Directed by Josh Fo
  • Inside Job, Produced, Written and Directed by Charles Ferguson; Co-written by Chad Beck, Adam Bolt
  • The Two Escobars, Written by Michael Zimbalist, Jeff Zimbalist
  • Who Is Harry Nilsson (And Why Is Everybody Talkin’ About Him)?, Written and Directed by John Scheinfeld

An interesting batch of nominees. None surprising...can't think of any big snubs. I'm okay with it. Take that Golden Globes stupidfaces with your Tourist nominations. Blech.

As if to prove the movie exists, we finally get to see what the cast of Red Dawn, the second best thing Charlie Sheen ever did next to landing a lucrative paycheck for an ongoing family comedy series while totally whacked out on blow and beating hookers, looks like in the new remake.

Wow. They look like kids with guns. However stupid this may seem, I'm going to have to resist the battle cry of WOLVERINES when they make it. I just love the original so damn much. And I don't care who knows it!!!

And now, as we always do, let's end with a claymation version of Danny Trejo as Machete trying to sell you Lipton Ice Tea.

Come back tomorrow when I think I'm going to finally write my essay that mediates between Kevin Smith and movie critics. I'm not here just for my own glorification, you know...I want to use the power of a moderately interesting Web site to leverage peace and harmony. And if that fails, I'll probably just stick with my own glorification.

Follow me on Twitter...or don't...but please do..


entered on 01/04/11 at 09:44 PM | read comments »


Once again, I’m back!

Did you miss me? I sure missed you, my devoted silent masses! I promised I would post a few times during my holiday (saying that makes me feel British..."I went on holiday" just sounds so much fancier than "I spent the majority of the last two weeks running errands and sleeping in"). Then I didn't. This isn't because I'm a lying liar. Okay, it's partially because I'm a lying liar. It's mostly because (A) I was CRAZY BUSY, busier than I was even during regular work time (weird), and because there wasn't that much going on. Movie news and info is so slow during those two weeks that it's almost all relegated to other critics' top 10 lists, weird news items (like the stunt guy who played Donatello in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies doing stand-up comedy...yes, I will post that video below), and other uninteresting blog padding. So my choices were to rest and come back stronger than ever, my eyes rejuvenated by having not stared into the electronic abyss for days and days, or to keep plugging away and find myself suckling the exhaust pipe of a Mitsubishi Galant before too long. I chose the former.

I thought about how to start this first post back, and one way seemed obvious.

But now what? Post the video everyone was passing around of the aforementioned stuntman who played Donatello doing mediocre comedy while wearing the mask? Okay.

Steven Ho: I was a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle from Steven Ho on Vimeo.

But NOW what? Recap the entirety of the events and rumors that took place in my absence? Okay, here you go:

That's a better view of one of the characters in Green Lantern. Thus, all we really know is that Green Lantern still looks turdier than your turdiest Christmas present. Seriously, other than ruining the cool cameo in Thor and minor casting news like, I shit you not, Samuel L Jackson casting news (I thought we collectively agreed not to encourage him to do every film ever by not covering his announcement that he'll be in every film ever), there is nothing of note to note. So, let's just kick off the new year with a deep, cleansing breath and vow to cover every bit of news, local and national, that warrants our actual attention.

Speaking of which, I am likely not going to continue a barrage of posts on the daily. Instead, I'm going to try to stick with one post (other than our cool columns like Things You Should Buy Me) every day that has the news of note that day. Why? Well, I think it's pretty unreasonable to assume that people will come back here repeatedly through out the day. Beyond that, it's pushing stuff that's cool off the page and whatnot. If someone has a giant objection (or wants to tell me that's a terrible decision for SEO purposes or whatever), I'll listen. But until then, for my sanity and your reading pleasure, I'm going to try to just hit you once a day. Sound groovy? It sure is good to be back, and I promise I won't disappear like that again for a long while. Feel free to comment with suggestions for the new year, news notes I may have missed, or whatever else your heart desires. We'll pick this up again tomorrow...deal?

Follow me on Twitter and a genie will grant you (no) wishes.


entered on 01/03/11 at 04:15 PM | read comments »


Cutting Room for December 29

  • Your Zen question of the day: When does being at the top make you feel like you’re at the bottom? Answer: When you are on TorrentFreak’s list of “Most Pirated Movies of 2010.” Guesses as to what the most frequently stolen movie was, clocking in at more than 16.5 million downloads? If you guessed the most recent Twilight movie, you think about pasty vampires too much. The answer is Avatar, which may have lost as much as $250 million in box office. That’s like stealing the food right from the mouths of James Cameron’s children’s real unicorn. Most notable was the second on the list, Kick-Ass, which was downloaded nearly 11.5 million times despite posting a global gross of less than $100 million. Thanks Internet for continuing to ruin the finances of others.

  • Like I’ve always said, if you can’t beat ’em, hope they get disqualified for arbitrary reasons. The best score of the year was either from The Social Network (by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross) or Black Swan (by Clint Mansell). Well, Reznor has an easier path to Oscar gold now (that’s a sentence I thought I’d never say), as Mansell’s score got tossed for being “diluted by the use of tracked themes or other pre-existing music.” He has good company though, as The Fighter, True Grit and The Kids Are All Right were all pitched from competition in a move to remind all of us how much the Academy often hates things that are good.

  • Warner Bros has discovered an additional 17 minutes of Stanley Kubrick’s 2001 in one of their seemingly infinite vaults. The footage was cut by Kubrick, so he didn’t want it in there. Still, if I can see another 17 minutes of monkeys, obelisks and starchildren, sign me up, yo.

Cutting Room provides breaking local and national movie news … complete with added sarcasm. Send any relevant information to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). Check out Ryan on the radio on CD 105.9 (Fridays at around 7:30 a.m.), on his blog at thereader.com/film/C19 and on Twitter (twitter.com/thereaderfilm).


entered on 12/29/10 at 03:04 AM | read comments »


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The Trip to Italy

Another affable outing with two British comedians.

GRADE
B+


Sin City: A Dame to Kill For

Still a fun place to visit, provided you're not a woman.

GRADE
C


The Giver

This adaptation of Lois Lowry's beloved award-winning classic will be none of those things.

GRADE
D


Boyhood

The only coming-of-age story anyone ever needs to make. 

GRADE
A+


Guardians of the Galaxy

A gleeful space opera that is as visually stunning as it is hilarious.

GRADE
A


Lucy

A girl ingests a drug that makes her God. For real.

GRADE
C+


Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Those damned apes are back and anything but dirty.

GRADE
B+


We Are the Best

Set in Stockholm in 1982, this is punk rock female adolescence at its finest.

GRADE
A


Take It Back

Fail gloriously, if you must fail. Go down swinging for the fences, punchdrunk and confident you’re making something truly...

more »


Cinéma Very Tame

A few quick confessions: Because we now have cameras, modern photorealistic paintings have always been, at best, modestly...

more »


Grade A-Holes

The proliferation of comic book movies has reached its cultural apex, so thoroughly dominating the box office and public...

more »


Lucy Goosey

It doesn’t work this way with people, but there’s a level of confident stupidity a movie can display that makes it...

more »


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