Cutting Room for November 7

The wait is finally over! The new Star Wars is here! Wait, sorry, the new Star Wars title is here…my bad. We no longer have to call it Episode VII, which is great for people who hate Romans and numerals. The new moniker is, wait for it…The Force Awakens. Oh. Okay. That’s…alright. I mean, it’s no stinker like The Phantom Menace or Attack of the Clones but it does sound like the Force ate a big Thanksgiving dinner and had to lay down for a while, only be stirred by the aroma of Aunt Betty’s delicious cobbler.

Because we can’t have nice things, there’s going to be a Toy Story 4. Yes, really. Despite having composed a beautiful, nearly symphonic ending to a trilogy about letting go of the physical things that made us children while retaining the sense of wonder, Pixar and Disney were like “Dollar dollar bills, y’all! Mommy and daddy need to get paid!” No word on plot, but if it were me, I’d make it all about adults selling things that were once beloved for money they don’t need.

We can reboot it. We have the technology. We can make it dumber than it was. Dumber, more expensive, sillier. This is my proposed mantra for the remake of “The Six Million Dollar Man,” titled The Six Billion Dollar Man because, you know, inflation. Marky Mark Wahlberg will play the man nearly killed in an accident, only to be reconstructed into a powerful cyborg. Peter Berg will direct, so have faith. After all, he’s the guy that directed Battleship.

Despite having drastically fallen off, I still have faith in Judd Apatow. Now comes word that he is pairing up with Laura Dern for an untitled comedy about female football fans, to be written by Pam Brady. Because nothing says “hilarious” like women and the NFL right now… Unless this is a scathing indictment of that organization’s willingness to complicity and explicitly contribute to an overwhelming epidemic of violence against women, Apatow can keep his feel-good schmaltz to himself. 

Cutting Room provides breaking local and national movie news … complete with added sarcasm. Send any relevant information to film@thereader.com. Check out Ryan on Movieha!, a weekly half-hour movie podcast, catch him on the radio on CD 105.9 on Fridays at around 7:30 a.m. and on KVNO 90.7 at 8:30 a.m. on Fridays and follow him on Twitter.


entered on 11/07/14 at 12:23 PM | read comments »


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entered on 10/31/14 at 03:39 PM | read comments »


Cutting Room for October 31

Sony Pictures has been bumbling around with the property they bought from Marvel, Spider-man, unable to generate even an itsy bitsy spider’s worth of excitement. First, Sony announced plans to give Spidey’s villains their own movie without him, to which the world cried out in one unified voice: “meh.” Then, Sony toyed with rebooting the entire series for the third time, an idea that earned a collective groan. Now comes something…different… A rumor surfaced that the studio is contemplating a “Spider Women” type movie, in which the females in Spidey’s universe would all buddy up against evil or something. The idea is in the gestation phase, but the thought of a female-driven superteam movie is pretty B.A. Well, at least it would be if a studio capable of making it good were handling it.

Keeping up the lady hero business, DC and Warner Bros. had a little leak of their own. That is to say a rumor broke out, not that they peed a little. Wonder Woman, which is presently scheduled to be the first major superhero movie to have a female lead, may be set in the 1920s. Ooh! That actually sounds like a good idea, so there’s virtually no way it will survive through the production process. Personally, I think Wonder Woman is a character who is better suited for an earlier era. So it will suck that much worse when a studio suit points out you can’t have product placement if it’s set in the roaring twenties.

You know what, let’s do this thing! Let’s make all three of these news items about female superheroes! Marvel Studios announced a slate of about a billion films that run from next year until the planet can no longer sustain human life. Interesting tidbits included news that Doctor Strange is gonna happen, The Inhumans (basically space X-men) is in development and Avengers 3 will be split into two parts. But the two biggest bombshells were Black Panther, with actor Chadwick Boseman already cast, and Captain Marvel, the first solo female movie from Marvel Studios. It’s that last one that’s particularly exciting, as Captain Marvel is such a cool character with such a rich history to pull from. My early recommendations for casting that role are Anna Kendrick or Léa Seydoux, but really, so long as they don’t cast someone like Kelly Cuoco, I’m good. Oh god, I just gave them that idea, didn’t I? Dammit.

Cutting Room provides breaking local and national movie news … complete with added sarcasm. Send any relevant information to film@thereader.com. Check out Ryan on Movieha!, a weekly half-hour movie podcast, catch him on the radio on CD 105.9 on Fridays at around 7:30 a.m. and on KVNO 90.7 at 8:30 a.m. on Fridays and follow him on Twitter.


entered on 10/31/14 at 03:33 PM | read comments »


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The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

The epic conclusion to the most epic of epics.

GRADE
A-


The Babadook

A terrifying tale of an ooky pop-up book and motherly love.

GRADE
A


The Tale of Princess Kaguya

A water-colored take on a Japanese folktale that is prettier than it is interesting.

GRADE
B-


The Theory of Everything

"Out of this world" performances buoy a sub-par script.

GRADE
B+


Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1

Half of what promises to be an epic conclusion to a fabulous series.

GRADE
B+


Birdman

A delirously fun satirical send up of artistic pretension. 

GRADE
B+


The Overnighters

"The Grapes of Wrath" in documentary form set in North Dakota.

GRADE
A-


Interstellar

If this was humanity's last hope, give up.

GRADE
D


Happy, Little Clouded

Actual human beings made The Tale of Princess Kaguya, and you can tell. A water-colored rebuke of the robots who...

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No Big Bang

In 1965, Stephen Hawking wrote his first ground-breaking thesis and wed Jane Wilde. His paper argued that if a star can...

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Leni Riefen-stalling

On the one hand, any film subtitled “Part 1” is a naked cash grab. On the other hand, shut up and take my money, Hunger...

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Oopsie Genius

I know two things for sure: (1) Birdman aims to relentlessly drive home one singular point, one thoroughly expressed thesis...

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