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Box Office Results 1/10

Fancy meetin' you here! I mean, it's not particularly FANCY...there are no doilies or fine china or anything. Makes you wonder why that expression is usually said like a cowboy. Did cowboys really refer to things as "fancy?" Curious.

Anyhoodle, I am excited to get to these haikus because I heard a great haiku this weekend at a poetry slam about Malcolm X, Warren Buffet, and how Omaha must have some great sperm. Now...


Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions - 1/7

Looks like I'm back in the haiku saddle again, ready to toss off some poetic verse whilst predicting the tallies and totals from what is sure to be a yawner of a weekend at the box office. Why do I say that? Oh, I don't know, do you think the lines for Country Strong or Season of the Witch will be long? Because those are your only new releases. Icky. Speaking of icky, here are my predictions!

1.) True Grit - $17...


Ryan’s Junk Drawer For January 7

"With great junk, comes great responsibility" - Better Off Ted

I swear on my life I would post blogs more often if this new system didn't sporadically swallow them whole. I crafted for you a brilliant cornucopia of words. A hilarious, breathtaking, bouncy blend of verb and noun that was just totally gone when I tried to post it. Ever flush a chunk of your life straight down a toilet? Sigh. Now I am left recreating...


Things You Should Buy Me (Volume 60)

Okay, you don't have to buy me anything this week. I accept that I have done nothing worthy of your free swag this week, in that I promised you no absences and then promptly took the next day off. In my defense: (A) - This new system is NOT as user friendly for quick posting, (2) - I am easily distracted, (C) - I probably deserve lots of gifts for all my hard work previous to this during which time very few people...


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Focus

A "who's conning who" movie that tries to con the audience.

GRADE
C+

Reader Recommends

Two Days, One Night

This harrowing, heartbreaking tale is a parable for how the poor live now.

GRADE
A-

Mr. Turner

A spectacularly crafted piece that transcends its boring genre.

GRADE
A

Kingsman: The Secret Service

A gleefully cheeky action-comedy that nearly perfectly sends up 007.

GRADE
B

On DVD: Birdman

A delirously fun satirical send up of artistic pretension. 

GRADE
B+

On DVD: The Theory of Everything

"Out of this world" performances buoy a sub-par script.

GRADE
B+

Jupiter Ascending

Gleefully stupid, gloriously silly, this is a throwback to serialized sci-fi escapism.

GRADE
A-

Zero Motivation

This Israeli comedy about military service is a mixed bag.

GRADE
C+

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