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Tuesday’s square round-up

I need advice on what to call these daily editions. I am reserving the term "junk drawer" for my Friday column, because it's pulled from the whole week (and if there was other junk around, my junk wouldn't feel as special...and my junk is very special, right?). Thursday is now the day of Things You Should Buy Me, so what do we call the daily collection of news on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday? Does each one get...


All the news I feel like printing for Monday

Not a whole lot happened over the weekend. I mean in terms of film. Plenty of interesting things happened in the world over the weekend, just not ones I get to make pithy jokes about here. I was going to go for some metaphor about how slow the weekend news was, but I couldn't choose between "slow" meaning stupid and "slow" meaning takes a long time. There is nothing worse than metaphor indecision. Nothing in the...


Box Office Results 1/10

Fancy meetin' you here! I mean, it's not particularly FANCY...there are no doilies or fine china or anything. Makes you wonder why that expression is usually said like a cowboy. Did cowboys really refer to things as "fancy?" Curious.

Anyhoodle, I am excited to get to these haikus because I heard a great haiku this weekend at a poetry slam about Malcolm X, Warren Buffet, and how Omaha must have some great sperm. Now...


Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions - 1/7

Looks like I'm back in the haiku saddle again, ready to toss off some poetic verse whilst predicting the tallies and totals from what is sure to be a yawner of a weekend at the box office. Why do I say that? Oh, I don't know, do you think the lines for Country Strong or Season of the Witch will be long? Because those are your only new releases. Icky. Speaking of icky, here are my predictions!

1.) True Grit - $17...


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Project Almanac

An impossibly dumb movie about shallow morons and time travel.

GRADE
F

Blackhat

Can cybercrime fighting be sexy? Probably not.

GRADE
C

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