Pointy ears and a pretty face

Happy Wednesday to you. I would wish you a happy hump day, but nobody needs to be reminded about that creeper dude in your office who says that stuff in order to tight-rope walk the line of sexual harassment, as if one day, one attractive coworker is just going to declare "It's hump day?" and proceed to start disrobing. Oh what the hell, happy hump day.

Honestly, there hasn't been that much going on this week that has tripped my trigger...figuratively or literally (I haven't shot anyone ALL WEEK). Most of the news is minor-rumble only and is being reserved for a spot in my junk drawer. Even this bit isn't that exciting, other than the lady involved, who is excitement personified.

Cate Blanchett (aka, the Goddess) is going to return as Galadriel for The Hobbit. Seeing as how I never sifted through Tolkien's uber-dense prose and overly descriptive text, I figured this was kind of expected. Only, it turns out that powerful lady witch really wasn't so much in the book...and was busy doing some other stuff I don't understand. Seriously, I read that stuff without context and it's all "Galadriel was in the bing-bong with the doody-doodies, because she didn't have the sming-smang which the toot-thoots needed for their gully-gangs." As near as I can tell, what this is signaling to fans is that Peter Jackson is makin' shit up. I think he's earned the right to play a bit, given how awesome the movies have been, but this is still likely to raise the eyebrows of a few die-hard fans. And those fans have MASSIVE eyebrows, so it's actually quite an undertaking. I think Jackson appropriately found the bottom line here: If you CAN put Cate Blanchett in your movie, you DO put Cate Blanchett in your movie.

Follow me on Twitter, and bring Cate Blanchett with you.


entered on 12/08/10 at 04:08 PM | read comments »


Cutting Room for December 8

  • If you’re a loyal Reader reader — and why wouldn’t you be, you bright and sexy person — you have undoubtedly heard all about writer/director Nik Fackler and his darling, locally shot indie film Lovely, Still. Well, our little boy is “all grown up,” as Fackler was just nominated for an Independent Spirit Award for Best First Screenplay. The awards ceremony will be shown on the IFC Channel Feb. 26, and will be hosted by my personal patron saint of snarkiness, Joel McHale. But Fackler doesn’t need a trophy to be pumped; as he states on his personal site (nikfackler.com) “I’m so f***ing stoked to be nominated” before thanking his friends and suggesting “let’s get drunk and go sledding soon.” I believe Dame Judy Dench celebrated her various nominations in the same manner. If you haven’t seen it, Lovely, Still is available from Netflix streaming, so you have no good excuse. Congrats Fackler, and I hope you wear the appropriate headgear whilst sledding.

  • Testing your circulation, Film Streams at the Ruth Sokolof Theater (filmstreams.org) will spend Dec. 10-16 unspooling Carlos, a film with a running time of seven days. I’m kidding, of course; it’s only a mere 329 minutes, which is longer than some of my previous relationships. The film was originally a French TV miniseries but was sewed and stitched together into one giant epic that explores the notorious terrorist Carlos the Jackal. His nickname is way cooler than mine: Ryan the Easily Impressed. The film will be shown with an intermission for weaklings, but feel free to really see what your bladder is capable of.

Cutting Room provides breaking local and national movie news … complete with added sarcasm. Send any relevant information to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). Check out Ryan on the radio on CD 105.9 (Fridays at around 7:30 a.m.), on his blog at thereader.com/film/C19 and on Twitter (twitter.com/thereaderfilm).


entered on 12/07/10 at 11:38 PM | read comments »


What a Crowe wants

I don't know if it's simply a matter of his size and notorious anger or just because I'm soft-brained, but I imagine that when the cameras stop rolling, Russell Crowe turns into someone who talks like the Incredible Hulk. "Crowe want be left alone! Crowe hungry! Crowe smash! Crowe make poor decisions on films of lesser quality because Crowe not stop to consider the ramifications of what he doing. Crowe HUNGRY!"

After the so-so performance of Robin Hood, and the absolute forgettablility of The Next Three Days, Crowe has turned his sight elsewhere, taking to Twitter to post "If you want a Master and Commander sequel I suggest you e-mail Tom Rothman at Fox and let him know your thoughts."

Huh?

For those who don't remember, that movie was the rather dull naval exercise film that had Crowe dressed foppishly while barking orders at people. It's kind of what I imagine his weekends to be like. At this point, and I believe this to be a 100% scientifically accurate total, zero people have done this. I know, it's shocking that a 7-year old modestly successful naval film hasn't garnered the kind of fervent support necessary to kick-start the heart of this franchise. I'm shocked. I guess the take home message is: If you want to see another one of these movies, get to emailing. Oh, that and "Crowe HUNGRY!"

Follow me on Twitter or Russell Crowe will eat you.


entered on 12/07/10 at 04:13 PM | read comments »


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The Boxtrolls

A stop-motion romp with near-nekkid trolls and a cross-dressing villain.

GRADE
B-


The Skeleton Twins

A dramedy about suicide elevated by its stars.

GRADE
B


Frank

A band that has a lead singer with a fake head will win your heart.

GRADE
A-


The Trip to Italy

Another affable outing with two British comedians.

GRADE
B+


Sin City: A Dame to Kill For

Still a fun place to visit, provided you're not a woman.

GRADE
C


The Giver

This adaptation of Lois Lowry's beloved award-winning classic will be none of those things.

GRADE
D


Boyhood

The only coming-of-age story anyone ever needs to make. 

GRADE
A+


Get Fassbent

So the whole time, Michael Fassbender wears this giant, papier-mache-style head and mumble-sings gibberish lyrics about...

more »


Fall? Oh, me!

I’ve reviewed movies professionally for more than a dozen years. The few weeks immediately surrounding the end of summer has...

more »


Bro-man Holiday

First things first: The Trip to Italy, the sequel to 2010’s surprise hit The Trip, may be the whitest movie ever made....

more »


Bleak and White

Celebrated narcissist and Freddy Krueger look-a-like Frank Miller gives the women he writes a plethora of career choices....

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