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Things You Should Buy Me (Volume 61)

Well, the holidays are officially over, as I'm back to receiving ZERO of the things that I am very clearly and articulately telling people to buy me. My wife actually had to call the help desk at ThinkGeek the other day. When I heard her give our last name, I thought: "Well, now she's about to get some respect, and I'm about to discover that they're waiting to send me a giant shipment of products and various goodies...


Wednesday’s Daily Dump

Hey blog fans, welcome back. Are you excited that I've chosen to hang on to "The Daily Dump?" No? But...but there's so many doody-related jokes that will be inspired by that decision. It's a brown treasure! It's a number one, number two decision! The jokes will just squirt out of me! See, this is a good time, isn't it? I am nothing if not classy. No, wait, it was crude. I'm nothing if not crude. My bad, C-words are...


Cutting Room for January 12

  • What better way for Eminem to prove he should be taken seriously as an actor than to star in Random Acts of Violence, a film originally written as a take on the video game “Grand Theft Auto”? While Em wasn’t going to completely win over critics who dismiss him as verbally malevolent, I’m guessing any chance he had of separating his acting from his music is about to get shot in the face.

  • How do you replace...


Tuesday’s square round-up

I need advice on what to call these daily editions. I am reserving the term "junk drawer" for my Friday column, because it's pulled from the whole week (and if there was other junk around, my junk wouldn't feel as special...and my junk is very special, right?). Thursday is now the day of Things You Should Buy Me, so what do we call the daily collection of news on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday? Does each one get...


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Project Almanac

An impossibly dumb movie about shallow morons and time travel.

GRADE
F

Blackhat

Can cybercrime fighting be sexy? Probably not.

GRADE
C

Reader Recommends

On DVD: Dear White People

The type of smart, ballsy satire that comes along all too rarely.

GRADE
A

On DVD: Dracula Untold

What if Dracula was a superhero?!

GRADE
C

Inherent Vice

An "art-house stoner comedy" based on a Thomas Pynchon novel.

GRADE
B-

On DVD: John Wick

You kill his dog, he kills a million people. You've been warned.

GRADE
B

On DVD: Lucy

A girl ingests a drug that makes her God. For real.

GRADE
C+

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

The epic conclusion to the most epic of epics.

GRADE
A-

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