Cutting Room for February 9

  • After decades of supporting roles, Samuel L. Jackson has finally made it: He’s getting his own sidekick. As everyone of the nerd persuasion knows, Jackson plays Nick Fury in the upcoming Avengers movie, a movie that represents a personal pinnacle of joy … and it isn’t even made yet. Apparently, Jackson is getting a sassy assistant (comic fans know her as Maria Hill), and word is that “How I Met Your Mother” star Cobie Smulders is the front-runner for the role. In a related note: Cobie Smulders was my first choice for my porn star name.

  • You get a lot of leeway if you win an Oscar, and word on the street is that David Fincher hopes he wins the award this year for directing The Social Network. Not just because that’s cool, but because he wants to put a topless Rooney Mara on the poster for his upcoming remake of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, and he may be willing to cash in his Oscar swagger to get it done. It isn’t going to happen, on account of the prudish public and oppressive MPAA, but he’ll have a better chance if he’s gesturing with an Oscar.

  • Robert Downey Jr. said “no” to mauling our childhood memories by turning down the role of the Wizard in Oz, the Great and Powerful. So far, so good. Producers then went to the guy you offer everything to, but Johnny Depp also said “no.” Nice. Now they’re on James Franco, who is considering things. If the “no” thing continues, we may just preserve our dignity as a culture. But I have a feeling that the guy 205th on the list will take it: Topher Grace is tired of unemployment.

Cutting Room provides breaking local and national movie news … complete with added sarcasm. Send any relevant information to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). Check out Ryan on the radio on CD 105.9 (Fridays at around 7:30 a.m.), on his blog at thereader.com/film/C19 and on Twitter (twitter.com/thereaderfilm).


entered on 02/08/11 at 11:05 PM | read comments »


Daily Dump for Tuesday (February 8)

I have new appreciation for the depths of Han Solo's affection for Luke Skywalker today. If a dear friend of mine was laying in the middle of my driveway, I would have to seriously reconsider how much he or she meant to me given the overwhelming amount of ice out there and the sub-sub-sub-zero wind chills. My mailwoman was driving an AT-AT. I could keep going with the Hoth jokes, but can we just leave this by saying any day in which a sneeze could cost you your nose thanks to hypothermia is a shit-tacular weather day. I don't even really want to blog today, but I need to keep my fingers moving or else risk losing them.

Today's news is chock-full of marginally interesting items and potentially "huhbuhwha" moments. So let's get to it.

After Eat, Pray, Love, I could have told you Julia Roberts was evil

Tarsem Singh's visuals are juicy. He is one of the 3-4 people who could get me actively interested in any re-re-retelling of a Grimm's Fairy Tale, let alone Snow White. Apparently, I'm not the only one, as elongated hottie Julia Roberts is so willing to work with the director she's willing to go evil for him.

Seen here being chased by a stalker with an umbrella fetish, the red-headed beauty has long been a stalwart of the good. Even her hookers tended to err on the side of true love and sweetness and not heroin addiction and alleyway shanking. It may be refreshing to see her finally cutting loose, as that laugh has always suggested something sinister lives in her throat.

God is cruel

How they combined my favorite fictional character, my favorite band, and a director I greatly respect and did whatever it is they apparently did to "Spider-man: Turn Off the Dark" I'll never understand. The critics reviews are rolling in finally, as the show is officially moving from preview to full showings. This video that I found on Slashfilm is perhaps the best and least painful way to experience what they had to say.

Maybe they meant "inept" in a good way? Look, I long ago gave up hope that this would be as transcendentally awesome as the young boy in me thought (I mean that metaphorically, I did not swallow a prepubescent). I obviously still want to see this, but now it's more because I have to know if it really is as bad as they're saying. Having seen the trailer for Captain America earlier this week during some meaningless football game that the Devil's favorite team won, I realized that we are so lucky to see comics treated with such expensive respect. That movie looks so great. Then to see and hear this...it's probably just a byproduct of this comic book enthusiasm. It's a casualty I'm willing to endure if we continue to have artists attempting to find new ways to explore my favorite medium. I say that...and then I see the picture of "Swiss Miss," the villain they created for this musical...and I want to throw up.

When they said there wouldn't be any more Sex and the City SEQUELS...

File this under "shut yo mouth, fool." Apparently, they're considering a Sex and the City prequel.

Rumor has it that Blake Lively, shown here in "full doily" mode, would star as a young Carrie Bradshaw. Meaning, if we kill her, we negate the existence of the entire series. This is obviously the worst idea of the day that didn't begin with "get me the lighter and the gas." I just don't understand why anyone would consider further unraveling the fabric of our great society like this. I could expound further, but the great Lindy West used all of the funny the world ever gets to have regarding this series with her review of the second film. Sometimes when I get sad, I read that review and the world seems happy again. At any rate, this may never happen, but if it does, the only bright spot will be another West review on the matter.

The Internet is stoopid

There's supposed casting news about the new Superman today.

Shown here fully bedazzled, the Internet is trying to convince itself that Lindsay Lohan would get a part in the new Zack Snyder reboot of the man of steel. Bwahahahahaha. Lionsgate wouldn't insure Lohan to do a press junket for Shitty Horror Movie 17: The Shittiest Horror Movie Ever The way movies work, especially big ones, necessitates that no work stoppages occur...especially ones caused by, say, a starlet going "Breaking Bad" on everyone. Might she do a cameo? No. Might she have been considered by the director? No. Might one of her people have leaked her name in the hopes of getting attention? My sarcastic magic 8 ball says "Noooooooooooooo....that would nnnneeeeeeeevvvvvvveeeeerrrrr happen." This thing has been passed around Twitter and movie sites enough for all of the Internet to be dumber for having seen it. Sorry to perpetuate it.

To absolve myself, here's a cool Superman thing.

Charming, huh? I wish there was more of it!

Okay, that's it for me. Follow me on Twitter until I see you tomorrow!


entered on 02/08/11 at 10:24 PM | read comments »


Daily Dump for Monday (February 7)

With apologizes to Mr. Eliot, February is the cruelest month. Football is over (maybe for, like, forever), it's colder than the cockles of Rush Limbaugh's soul, the weekly movie selections read more like a set of "dares" (seriously, who would voluntarily see The Roommate if it wasn't some kind of physical challenge?). This is one of those months you just endure. And a MONDAY in FEBRUARY? Forget about it. That's like gettin' hit TWICE with the ugly stick. In other words, let's just get this over with, shall we?

Will Aronofsky remember the unicorns?

Darren Aronofsky loves him some comic books. If you count his current courtship with Wolverine, which is set to fire on all cylinders the minute the acclaimed director stops doing the awards junkets for Black Swan, dude has been all up in some comic projects. He was supposed to relaunch Batman before Chris Nolan did his thang (but my money still says Aronofsky MAY do the Bat-toosie one day, as there will be a 2-3 year cool-off after Nolan completes his trilogy but then another inevitable relaunch). He released his original version of The Fountain (the CRIMINALLY UNDERRATED WORK OF ART) as a comic when his funding fell through at first. Now comes "Noah," which was illustrated by the guy who did "Pride of Baghdad," which should be Pixar's Oscar movie one day (please, please, please).

As you can see, this is Aronofsky writing a weirdly postapocalyptic and beautiful take on Noah's ark. He keeps saying he can't see why all studios wouldn't want to make this movie, and I have to agree with him. Biblical stuff alone guarantees a built-in audience, but combine that with a special effects showcase and you'll have packed houses for months. Until such time as someone wises up, at least well have this new comic version to see how things look to good ole Darren in terms of pairing up animals for at-sea borking. Oh, and speaking of borked, when is Aronofsky going to win his directing award? After resurrecting Mickey Rourke's career and (please, please) getting Natalie Portman an Oscar, can we just accept dude is directing the crap out of actors here? Give the man a statue...and maybe do it before TOM FRIGGIN' HOOPER gets one.

But will they use "Werewolf Barmitzvah?"

Those two should be smiling, because when they work together everyone gets a bit of joy. After owning the world with Slumdog Millionaire and a good run with 127 Hours, director Danny Boyle and writer Simon Beaufoy may reteam for Sharp Teeth, a movie about werewolves in gangland LA. This will mark the first time urban gang warfare has combined with horror since Snoop Dogg did it, although I'm guessing the outcome may be slightly different this time. For me, this is absolutely great news, as I find Boyle to be at his best when working with more off-beat material. His deft use of sci-fi and horror have resulted in some of the best that both genres have seen, and I would welcome a return to that form for him. Apparently, the book upon which the movie will be based is pretty kick-ass, so this is definitely something that may happen. Wouldn't it be nice if we had a werewolf movie that didn't also involve sparkling vampires and audiences filled with people I loathe?

Box Office Results for the Weekend of February 4-6

Just like on Friday, I'm going to be combining this regularly into one post, instead of splitting it out into a separate one. It's just easier that way, so trust me. Here's how I did with my predictions this weekend, haiku style:

1.) The Roommate - $15 million (Accuracy of prediction - 80%)
Oh, Minka Kelly
what a siren's song you sing
in this crap movie.

2.) Sanctum - $9.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 77%)
No big name actors
and no unique storylines
what did you expect?

3.) No Strings Attached - $8 million (Accuracy of prediction - 90%)
This keeps on trucking
As Natalie keeps dragging
Kutcher's ass along.

4.) The King's Speech - $8 million (Accuracy of prediction - 84%)
It's inoffensive
but as far as I'm concerned
that's not good enough.

5.) The Green Hornet - $6 million (Accuracy of prediction - 91.5%)
Are we done here yet?
The sooner we move along
the better I feel.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 84.5%
I'm good with a "B"
Although I'd prefer an "A"
...I'll "C" you later?

Follow me on Twitter! Dan Harmon retweeted me once, so I'm practically famous.


entered on 02/07/11 at 10:50 PM | read comments »


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Dear White People

The type of smart, ballsy satire that comes along all too rarely.

GRADE
A



War is hell, but this movie is just hella slow.

GRADE


Dracula Untold

What if Dracula was a superhero?!

GRADE
C


Gone Girl

This thriller has many twists, the biggest of which is that it's kind of a satire.

GRADE
A


The Boxtrolls

A stop-motion romp with near-nekkid trolls and a cross-dressing villain.

GRADE
B-


The Skeleton Twins

A dramedy about suicide elevated by its stars.

GRADE
B


Frank

A band that has a lead singer with a fake head will win your heart.

GRADE
A-


The Adventures of Super Vlad

Left out of the superhero movie party every other studio is throwing, Universal made the ballsy decision to turn Dracula...

more »


Everyone is Awful

Warning to newly engaged couples: Do not see Gone Girl, a movie that makes marriage look like The Hunger Games with slightly...

more »


Swimming in the Laika

From Ray Harryhausen’s Medusa to Henry Selick’s Jack Skellington, stop-motion animation is just frickin’ cool, yo. Maybe...

more »


The Dies That Bind

“Hilarious!” say the trailers! “Really funny!” says the poster. “You are all sick people!” says me.

Yes, in parts, The...

more »


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