Did you miss me?

I feel like this particular blog post is like running into an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend (or, if you're lucky...both) months after a mutual breakup. I have this overwhelming urge to thrust my hands deep in my pockets to avoid nervous gestures (I get really handsy when I'm worked up) and a desire to look down at the ground and mumble questions you'd ask of a total stranger and not of someone you have seen naked ("Hey, how's things?" or "How have you been?"). But let's do this...let's talk for a minute about what happened with our relationship, you and me.

See, we shared something special. For about 3 years, we talked every single day. I poured my heart and soul all over these interwebs, all in the name of love. Whatever you told me you liked, I'd try to give you more. If you showed even the slightest indication that you had a passing affinity for a particular column or subject matter, I would bend over backwards to incorporate it. But the truth is, this was killing me. It just wasn't working.

It's not you.

Okay, it's totally you. See, I never seemed to really reach you. When we moved in together to this new place (our spiffy website built just for us), you all but stopped communicating with me. I mean, you used to at least comment every once and awhile. But the soul-crushing, overwhelming silence became unbearable. I couldn't even provoke a reaction of anger no matter how hard I tried. You weren't even laughing at Wicker Man clips with me anymore.

Yeah, you stopped laughing at THAT. I was in anguish. Am I unlovable? Am I disinteresting? Oh, Jesus...am I....NOT FUNNY? I was all the worst parts of a Michael Cera movie, as the last month was all self-doubt and insecurity. It was me trying to figure out how to get us back to the good times. I couldn't go back to what it was, as I was spending hours upon hours a day trying to make you smile all for nothing. I realized that the fundamental foundation of this relationship was broken and would likely never be fixed. So I walked away from us, realizing that this relationship, this blog of holy matrimony we shared...was over.

It's time for something new.

This is me, down on one knee, proposing to you the greatest change to our relationship ever. Will you...dear, dear Reader readers...will you podcast with me?

Enough relationship allegory, the story goes like this: The humor on the site wasn't coming off well enough, I didn't have enough of my own sources to serve as a place you'd come to find out breaking news, the exchanges and forums weren't getting populated, and traffic had stagnated. I had no clue what the next step was. Then it hit me: I have so much fun doing Steve King's morning show on CD105.9 every Friday at 7:30 am, why not do more of that? I love actually TALKING about movies more than anything and there's just so much more that can be done with that format. Yes, I'm still going to do some light blogging to keep things rolling along, but I'm going to keep that to just a few times a week and only stuff that's actually interesting instead of just loading up this site with crap nobody reads.

So that's the big news: I'm back, but things are going to be different. My buddy Matt and I will be regaling you sometime within the next month or so with a movie-based podcast that's going to feature a lot of the columns that used to be featured here plus a few new ones we're dreaming up. If there are things you want us to cover, ideas for segments you'd like to propose, or really any feedback of any kind you'd like to offer, please comment below. If not, you can shoot an email to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address), and I'd be happy to chat there. We're going to do this up right, I promise. I'm really excited about it.

I hope that this is as exciting for you as it is for me. I really want to take this relationship to the next level. And by that, I mean I'm taking my shirt off.


entered on 04/12/11 at 09:55 PM | read comments »


Cutting Room for April 6

  • While theologians and atheists continue to spar over the existence of an eternal creator, The Reader can officially confirm that the devil is 100 percent real. The proof? Ashton Kutcher is teaming up with Justin Bieber in a romantic comedy. No, they won’t play each other’s love interests, as that would be too original and creative. Seriously, Brokeback-ing rom-coms with something like, I don’t know, When Harry Met Harry, would be the shot-in-the-arm this stale genre needs. No, it’s a lame-ass body-swap-type movie, in which a 17-year-old meets the 30-year-old version of himself. Nothing confirms the reality of Satan like the unholy union of Kutcher and Bieber.

  • Stan Lee, creator of Spiderman and thus co-owner of a large part of my heart, is teaming up with Arnold Schwarzenegger to create an animated series called The Governator. You will soon know it by its real name: Unwatchable. The show will attempt meta-humor, as it features his real wife and kids and follows Arnie leaving Californian office to become a superhero. How weird is it that the fictional part is the superhero part and not the part where he ran California?

  • James Cameron is taking a break from actively writing Avatar 2 and 3, a task I assumed would take him the length of a commercial break. He took a trip to what he calls “the real Pandora,” which is the Brazilian rainforest. While there, a friendly local tribe, the Caiapos, made a definite impact, as the egomaniac declared “If I had met the Caiapos before making Avatar, I would certainly have made a better film.” Oh, sure, blame them. They also gave him a tribal name, Krapremp-ti. The Krap part I totally agree with.

Cutting Room provides breaking local and national movie news … complete with added sarcasm. Send any relevant information to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). Check out Ryan on the radio on CD 105.9 (Fridays at around 7:30 a.m.), on his blog at thereader.com/film/C19 and on Twitter (twitter.com/thereaderfilm).


entered on 04/08/11 at 06:16 PM | read comments »


Cutting Room for March 30

  • Although I don’t need an excuse to be overly communicative, the University of Nebraska at Omaha is giving me one the last week of April. The school will recognize it as “Communication Week,” and one of the cool happenings during this celebration of all things communicatively connected will take place at the Aksarben Cinema. On Tuesday, April 26 at 5:30 p.m., the theater will screen DuSable to Obama: Chicago’s Black Metropolis, a documentary written by the dean of UNO’s School of Communication, Gail F. Baker. Those who wish to check out this powerful history of Chicago’s African-American community should drop an email to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). There. I’ve done my best to communicate the communicative communications of Communication Week.

  • Likely drawn in by the repeating initials, Amy Adams will be Lois Lane in Zack Snyder’s Superman reboot. The lovely thespian will be able to show off a wide range of emotions, including “frightened,” “helpless” and “moderately sassy.” It’s the type of role actresses are drawn to for so many reasons … reasons that can be stacked neatly and handed to a bank teller.

  • In what the uninspired will surely call “Ballet-Gate,” a scandal has erupted over the dancing in Black Swan. A body double named Sarah Lane is claiming that she was actually the body in 95 percent of the full-body dance scenes in Black Swan, making Natalie Portman’s Oscar-winning performance significantly less impressive. The film’s choreographer, Benjamin Millepied, says Natalie did 85 percent of the dancing ... although, it may be hard to trust him because he 100 percent totally knocked-up Natalie Portman. Is this an unknown body double’s attempt to get media attention or have we been hoodwinked? Luckily, nobody really cares.

Cutting Room provides breaking local and national movie news … complete with added sarcasm. Send any relevant information to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). Check out Ryan on the radio on CD 105.9 (Fridays at around 7:30 a.m.), on his blog at thereader.com/film/C19 and on Twitter (twitter.com/thereaderfilm).


entered on 03/30/11 at 09:39 PM | read comments »


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The Skeleton Twins

A dramedy about suicide elevated by its stars.

GRADE
B


Frank

A band that has a lead singer with a fake head will win your heart.

GRADE
A-


The Trip to Italy

Another affable outing with two British comedians.

GRADE
B+


Sin City: A Dame to Kill For

Still a fun place to visit, provided you're not a woman.

GRADE
C


The Giver

This adaptation of Lois Lowry's beloved award-winning classic will be none of those things.

GRADE
D


Boyhood

The only coming-of-age story anyone ever needs to make. 

GRADE
A+


Guardians of the Galaxy

A gleeful space opera that is as visually stunning as it is hilarious.

GRADE
A


Fall? Oh, me!

I’ve reviewed movies professionally for more than a dozen years. The few weeks immediately surrounding the end of summer has...

more »


Bro-man Holiday

First things first: The Trip to Italy, the sequel to 2010’s surprise hit The Trip, may be the whitest movie ever made....

more »


Bleak and White

Celebrated narcissist and Freddy Krueger look-a-like Frank Miller gives the women he writes a plethora of career choices....

more »


Take It Back

Fail gloriously, if you must fail. Go down swinging for the fences, punchdrunk and confident you’re making something truly...

more »


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