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Film

Report Card

Hereafter = D- Nobody tell Clint Eastwood his movie about death sucks. It may kill him. Red = B AARP-sponsored carnage, with added Malkovich. Never Let Me Go = A Does watching a movie about how depressing it is that life is so short count as irony? ON DVD Scott Pilgrim vs the World = B+ Whoa, these hipsters know kung fu! Secretariat = F If the dialogue doesn’t kill you, you’ll kill yourself. Worst of the...


Report Card for October 21, 2010

Easy A = A- Emma Stone more than makes the grade … she makes me swoon. •(READER RECOMMENDS ON DVD) Human Centipedee = B- Just the plot makes me queasy. Look it up for yourself…but don’t do it at work. •Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole = C+ Hey kids, want to fear death by bird? •Secretariat = F If the dialogue doesn’t kill you, you’ll kill yourself. Worst of the year. •The Social Network...


Poke of Genius

The Social Network shows smarties suck Whether owed to a ritual goat sacrifice or a cauldron-cooked potion, mastery of the dark arts is the only way Aaron Sorkin’s script about an insufferable prick compelled by hubris and hormones to create a website out of spite could sizzle like an unpoked hotdog in the microwave. Although The Social Network is surfing atop a hyperbole tsunami that’s included Citizen Kane...


 

Keanu

Like John Wick but with a cat and more jokes than bloody head wounds.

GRADE
B+

First Monday in May

A propaganda-documentary about an industry with some pretty bad race issues...

GRADE
F

Reader Recommends

The Huntsman: Winter's War

A poorly written, unnecessary and dumb movie I really enjoyed a lot.

GRADE
B+

The Jungle Book

A more "realistic" version of an animated story about talking animals who murder while singing.

GRADE
C

Midnight Special

A kid with weird powers is trying to get somewhere to do something that doesn't quite make sense.

GRADE
B-

On DVD

Star Wars: The Force Awakens

The most beloved franchise in film history is finally restored to glory.

GRADE
A+

On DVD

The Revenant

A man turns into a human chew toy for a bear to win an Oscar.

GRADE
C

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