Web of Lies: Hatha-why not?

Okay, this Black Cat thing is officially batshit insane. I'm turning the dial from excitable nutso to Mel Gibson, as Nikki Finke is now saying that in addition to:

Rachel McAdams

Romola Garai

and

Julia Stiles
we can now add

Anne Hathaway
to the mix.

Hathaway is the only Oscar nominee of the bunch, so she gets points for that. She does lose points for not being Rachel McAdams, which are the same points that Julia Stiles and Romola Garai lost. Who will win this race? Will I continue to be able to post different smokin' hot pictures of smokin' hot actresses? Is there even going to be a Spider-man 4 or is it just going to be a casting couch where Sam Raimi gets to leer at the hottest women in the world? Who can say. All I know is that my friend Steve King from CD105.9 informed me that Kirsten Dunst said this about her cross-country road trip: "After we were done, I was like, 'Wow, America is so poor. Just the towns you come across . . . all that's there are restaurants and gas stations." And there's the quote from the one person we KNOW is in the movie. Again, you have your pick of the women above, or this:

Do the right thing, Peter Parker.

Spidey-sense tingling! (Get used to this)

I'm going to be wrapped around Spider-man 4 news tighter than a high-school girl's Twilight book cover wraps around her History textbook. If you don't like that, there are plenty of blogs out there that deal with important social issues (like the one called "This Is Why You're Fat"). With the fourth film ramping up production, I'm going to be freaking out on a near daily basis over some rumor or another, only to find out that they're all malarkey. Buckle-up Spider-fans (or mild Spider-enthusiasts), it's going to be a bumpy ride (and by bumpy ride, I mean volumes of idle speculation and lurid photos). Speaking of which

That long-legged lovely above (who is showing that she has the physical prowess to be the Black Cat in Spider-man 4) has now officially claimed she is not the Black Cat in Spider-man 4. McAdams tells Entertainment Weekly that it's a bunch of hokey, but we've heard this song and dance many, many, many times before. Like when Bradley Cooper said he hadn't heard about The A-Team or The Green Lantern, both of which he was considered for. I'm not going to say that I totally dismiss what that lovely, lovely lady says...but we'll have to wait and see. The second bit of news is far more concerning...SpoilerTV has reportedly snagged a call sheet that is asking for twin toddler boys with red hair...leading everyone to believe that there's a chance Spidey knocked up MJ and have a little spider-baby. Well, let me be the first to say calm down. If I were guessing, I would say that this is for a dream sequence of some kind. That or they've finally made a good choice and married MJ off to someone else. I doubt that second one, but the first one makes the most sense to me. There's no way, NO WAY that they are dumb enough to Superman Returns this thing after the turd that was Spider-Man 3. They have too much to prove. Plus, with the role of the Black Cat (whomever may play her) almost totally for sure, the thought of introducing a love interest for a guy who just had a kid is too much for a superhero movie...at least I hope so. Oh, and then there's this problem. You can't expect us to believe that Peter Parker would knock up this:

when he could get with this

Suspension of disbelief my butt.

An excuse for more Spidey chatter and McAdams pics

In my daily trolling to bring you the best of the best of the bullshit news, I have been stumbling across people stumbling over themselves to talk about Spider-man 4. See, the film is starting production soon, which means we are very quickly going to having things we thought to be rumors confirmed and things we thought to be totally confirmed blown apart. Case in point, Slashfilm.com verified with Hey U Guys that the Black Cat is in the new script and that the following actresses HAVE been considered for the role:

(Rachel McAdams...shown once more at what had to be the best photo shoot in the history of photos and shooting)

and

Romola Garai (who looks almost exactly like Bryce Dallas Howard)

Supposedly, this version of the Black Cat will be the daughter of someone who usurps the Daily Bugle from J. Jonah Jameson (egad!). Her daddy may or may not himself be a villain, potentially the Vulture, but that would be kind of lame. Personally, I would like to see them work with a smaller villain or bring back Doc Ock (not going to happen), but I think that tying the Black Cat to the Vulture seems kind of like the sort of thing Sam Raimi has liked doing in this series. The only problem I foresee is that Raimi is going to try to convince us that Peter Parker would choose this:

over this

Yeah, didn't think so.

Spider-man vs the studio

According to Variety, Spider-man's fate rests in the pen of this guy:



His name is James Vanderbilt, and I'm going to try to forgive his unfortunate facial hair, his Axe-body-spray hair cut, and the fact that this looks like a date rapist's mug shot. Oy. The bigger concern than my obvious snap judgment about people's appearances, is that Sony has hired the man to write Spider-man 5 and 6, without knowing if they'll have to reboot because Maguire and Dunst are leaving. Look, this ain't Harry Potter, we know the chances are high that this role will be replaced, but knowing whether you're going to be following a literal extension of a storyline from what has been established or kickin' the do-over button is important. Supposedly, the idea that good-ole "Douchey Magee" up there has will span two movies and will involve a simultaneous two-picture shoot. After the vortex of suck formed around the last movie (I know, I reviewed it positively, but thankfully The Reader only keeps an online archive of like 2 weeks or something, so I can start denying it...thank God they have no faith in the sustained viability of the Internet"), a ton is riding on this next endeavor, which Vanderbilt wrote the first draft of...before playwright David Lindsay-Abaire was brought in to rewrite...before Gary Ross was brought in to rewrite that. So, yeah, apparently Vanderbilt's work was so vital they had to bring on two more writers to poke at it (please don't let the villain in this one be male-pattern baldness, the only enemy Vanderbilt TRULY fears). Raimi supposedly did not care for all of Vandy's ideas, which is really reassuring, considering he is the most talented thinker involved on the series. Now, the good news is that Vanderbilt had a hand in Zodiac, which was good if really, really boring, and he also penned The Losers, based on the comic book, and that will likely see the light of day before Spider-man 5 and 6 get rolling, so there's time to fire Captain Pornstache before it's too late, if needs be. Look, I'm just protective, okay, I really love Spidey and the last outing was so bad that I need to believe again. Plus, the Spidey musical is having funding problems, so I may never get that Bono/The Edge Spider-man music that I need to survive (just typing that was hard through my tears). Please, help me Sergeant Soul-Patch, you're my only hope.