A double dose of WTF

You often go years between two pieces of news this strange, but since they both happened within the last 24-36 hours, I'm going to group their odd asses together.

Weirdo news part one

Keanu Reeves mentioned that there may be a Bill and Ted sequel and reiterated he wasn't kidding. Of course, this was to MTV, but still, it was captured on camera and I believe him. Why? Well, because he said it semi-convincingly and he's not that good of an actor. Nobody's under the delusion that this will happen soon or, you know, ever, but the prospect is enough to leave me both scratching my head and somewhat excited. The second movie was actually funnier to me, yeah I said it. Watch and see for yourself. The reactions of Death during this scene are just awesome.



It's really Keanu's best work. If I'm being serious...which it is INCREDIBLY hard to do about a potential Bill and Ted sequel...I think the odds of this are actually fairly good. Why? Well, we've seen a spate of long-dormant movie sequels lately (Tron, Wall Street, Midnight Run) and people have been clamoring for this for awhile. Also, Reeves needs a hit and the guy whose name I forget who played Ted has that whole problem about people forgetting his name.

Weirdo news part two

I can't help getting political from time to time, because everything is political, really. I don't think it's at all unclear what side of my political toast is buttered on, but allow me to just mention that this really sucks. Basically, Florida's state legislature wants to change it so that only "family friendly" films are eligible for tax credits. This from the only state in the nation that doesn't let gay couples adopt. So, you see, it becomes a case of having the state more or less promoting the "values" in certain films. What's funny is that for all Glenn Beck's tin-foil hat wearing lunacy about secret communists, he doesn't pay attention to something like this. What do I mean? Oh, I don't know, but you'd think the state controlling and giving their stamp of approval to things in the media would fall under blatant propaganda. If it didn't fall under that, it may fall under obvious discrimination. If it didn't fall under that, it may fall under "the Florida Legislature can suck it." We're already treating art and moviemaking like it's some kind of filthy sex act that shouldn't be supported with our "good, clean money," why not further restrict things? These sorts of state cases are like bad idea Gremlins: Other states see them and slobber over them, and the water spills on the Gremlins and they multiply, becoming terrible and deadly. Specifically, I worry about a state like ours. A state like Nebraska. Our state legislators thought it a better idea this year to advance issues like making it easier for douches who want concealed weapons to get their guns quicker rather than create a tax break that would encourage movies to be filmed here. So that means next year, when smart people inevitably propose this good legislation again, some chode with a moral agenda will contemplate doing something stupid like Florida is considering. I PROMISE you that someone will try to insert language making it so that the only types of movies that could get a Nebraska tax credit are thoroughly vetted by a church. It's things like this that really get my blood boiling.

Ryan's Junk Drawer

Hello, children (and by children I don't mean actual children, I mean friends who I lovingly call children because it's funny...because I'm pretty sure that if this blog was read to children they would end up insanely poorly adjusted, dressed like a combination of Lady Gaga and an NFL linebacker, and talking incessently about Rachel McAdams...also, this may be a record length for one of my weird asides). Again, the Junk Drawer is my weekly place for the movie rumors and blurbs that aren't big enough to warrant a whole post, and it is symbolized by this picture above from Highlights Magazine that I think looks like what the inside of John Wayne Gacy's kitchen drawer looked like. In fact, let's take our weekly moment to speculate about what's in the creepy dude's drawer in the image above this week: Oooh, I think the folded up piece of paper in the upper left hand corner is a note from his psychiatrist that was intended to be sent to the authorities. It reads, "Can't be cured, must be killed." Now it's just a fun memory for his special drawer. Now, let's move on to our weekly stories that are big enough to be interesting but small enough to fit in here.

1.) Oscars get immediately to annual documentary disaster - As annual a tradition as the Chicago Cubs getting together to watch someone else win the World Series, the Academy behind the Oscars makes it a point to shit all over a bunch of deserving documentaries once every year. Oh, it's not on purpose or anything, it's just that in order to actually pick the best documentaries, they'd have to watch, like, a ton of documentaries and how can anyone be expected to watch those durn things when there's a new Twilight movie a'comin'? The most notable omissions on this year's Oscar short list of the keen final fifteen include two rock docs (It Might Get Loud and Anvil! The Story of Anvil) and a certain fat guy's project (Capitalism: A Love Story). Better luck next time superior filmmakers! Here's who made the cut:

• The Beaches of Agnes
• Burma VJ
• The Cove
• Every Little Step
• Facing Ali
• Food, Inc.
• Garbage Dreams
• Living in Emergency: Stories of Doctors Without Borders
• The Most Dangerous Man in America: Daniel Ellsberg and The Pentagon Papers
• Mugabe and the White African
• Sergio
• Soundtrack for a Revolution
• Under Our Skin
• Valentino The Last Emperor
• Which Way Home

2.) Oh noes, that's 46 ronin too many! - According to slashfilm.com, commercial director Carl Rinsch (that means he directs commercials, not that he is particularly interested in profit) is in final talks to helm the Keanu Reeves epic period samurai film 47 Ronin. That's right, the KEANU REEVES SAMURAI movie. Look, I know he's half Asian, but he's also ALL bad when it comes to acting. Unless he's planning on playing the Slappy, the confused 47th ronin who says "whoa," I'm guessing this is a terrible idea, no matter who is at the helm. I mean, think about this: This is a remake of a Japanese film about a legend regarding 47 masterless samurai...and it will star this guy (WARNING: This is hilarious but does feature coffee-barf...avert your eyes if you wish)

Last chance

Boo-yah! Ladies and gentlemen, your master of Asian honor and tradition.

2.) Khan to have better eyelashes? - ComingSoon has an interesting rumor regarding the new Star Trek sequel. We all lust for Khan, right? I mean, I know that lots of people believe in the sacred nature of Star Trek II, but those people also get married while dressed as Starfleet Academy members. So it makes sense that the most legendary Trek bad guy would be in the sequel...and if he is, he may be Richard Alpert from "Lost." Okay, technically the guy's name is Nestor Carbonell but to a legion of Losties he is better known as Richard, the creepy ageless guy with great eyelashes. You think I'm kidding but the dude has to CONSTANTLY answer questions about whether or not he wears mascara. The guy looks the part (not here as seen in his "Tick" TV series costume...he played Die Flatermouse)

The question is, why do you want to do a literal reinterpretation of Khan? Personally, I think they'd be best served either really thinking outside of the box (I saw one site suggest playing Khan as a woman) or going entirely elsewhere. The reason Star Trek was such a good reboot was that it wasn't just a shot-for-shot remake. It wasn't events we all knew, it was something entirely different using characters we were familiar with. Tread lightly, JJ Abrams and company. And best of luck, Nestor. You'd be a fine, sassy-eyed Khan.

4.) Nine's fine - The trailer for Nine is more of the same to me. I will see this movie because (A) I am bizarrely attracted to Ms. Cotillard and not-so-bizarrely attracted to Ms. Cruz, (B) it's an intriguing concept at least from the character involved, and (C) Daniel. Day. Lewis. Dude gets my money every time, period. I will watch him in an hour-long PSA to prevent sexting if he films one. Here's the second trailer, and it's not quite as cool as the first one, but still has lots of ladies and Daniel Day "Motherhumping" Lewis, so it wins.

5.) Like a Bridges to a long-sought Oscar - People are calling Crazy Heart 2009's The Wrestler, but unless Jeff Bridges had some disfiguring plastic surgery, went on a series of public benders, and spouted off a bunch of gay slurs, I don't think he really works redemption wise like Mickey Rourke. Hell, Bridges has been working non-stop, he's not really a guy in need of a career resurrection. That said, the film looks classy if a bit tear-jerkery, and my money is on Bridges getting himself a nomination if not a win. I can't think of a male performance that's really dominating on everyone's horizon right now, so he has as good a chance as anyone. Nice work, Lebowski.