I'm back...and more Australian than ever

Award yourself three bonus points if you were able to successfully identify the title of this blog post as a quip made by one of the "Mystery Science Theater 3000" gang during their review of Kathy Ireland's Alien from LA. Anyhoodle, just to give you a quick chance to catch up with what I've been up to since last we cyber-spoke: The University of Nebraska Omaha's forensics team (again, that means speaking and not "CSI" stuff) nailed down their first top 10 finish ever, had their best individual overall student (Allison Henri, who was 16th in the country), and had one student (Cameron Logsdon) win the first individual national championship in school history when he won Program of Oral Interpretation. For those who don't know what I'm talking about, just know that UNO achieved more than I could have dreamed...and last night I had a dream where a monkey milked a unicorn while MC Hammer watched. Now, I've missed a lot of stuff...and I do not have the time to walk through each and every single event that took place. That said, I'm going to do my damnedest to hit the highlights.

I really don't want to overwhelm all of you, so I'm going to do this in the shortest way possible...no, not haikus (although I'm tempted), but I am going to do some rhyming verse. Here goes, I give to you:

Ryan's Catch-Up Column in Rhyming Couplet

This is a small rumor, some would say a nugget
but if it is true, I sure want to plug it.
The word is that Thor may arrive in Iron Man 2,
it wouldn't surprise me, but this may not be true.

Although not a list-topper, Anna Faris is hot,
but when it comes to this news, I could not give a squat.
Ms. Faris will take over where Goldie Hawn has been,
by taking the lead in the new Private Benjamin.

Leonardo DiCaprio may decide to go FBI,
under the direction of another old guy.
This J Edgar Hoover bio will likely be good,
marking a change for Clint Eastwood.

Some remakes are obviously "dead pictures walking"
none are more so than Look Who's Talking.
If the producers would just hold up an iota,
given his choices, they might again score Travolta.

I can't say I know who Sebastian Stan is,
but his agent must be some kind of wiz.
He almost got cast as Captain America, which was lucky,
but was ultimately chosen to be his sidekick, Bucky.

Speaking of Cap, here's some more casting news,
one that will surely make some of you blue.
Cap's girl will be played by someone who's hot,
but one thing I know, Emily Blunt it is NOT.

Although the second one gave me the opposite of pleasure,
it looks like there'll be a third National Treasure.
The movie is supposedly already being penned,
and a nation awaits, to get screwed again.

We're going to see Thor sooner than I thought,
as starting May 5th, we'll see production shots.
Hopefully the images don't make us feel doom.
So much will come down to that silly costume.

George Lucas is back and at it once more,
with another Star Wars project for fans to endure.
He's finally giving fans the thing for which we waited!
A Star Wars TV sitcom that's animated?!?!?!?!

Red Sonja is stuck, in development Hades,
sad news for fans of sword-wielding ladies.
But rumor has it producers are removing these blocks,
and have offered the role to the vapid Megan Fox.

Harrison Ford may be back in the saddle,
helping cowboys against aliens battle!
Starring Daniel Craig, directed by Jon Favreau,
written by "Lost" writers, to Cowboys and Aliens I'll go!!!

That's the best recap I can do in the time and space allowed, folks. I promise not to leave you again for that long...at least not for awhile. Happy Tuesday, I'll be back with "Lost" thoughts shortly.

This much I know: I will NOT be Captain America

Oh, hi there. Call me old fashioned...okay, now I have to show "The State" clip. It's short.



Hi, I'm back. Where was I? Oh, yes. Call me old fashioned, but I believe that when you make a movie that largely centers around one character, you should have a good idea of what you're looking for in the actor to play that character sooner than a few weeks before shooting. Oh, and call me old fashioned, but I believe when you make a "short list" you shouldn't ADD actors to it. You should only cut the "short list" down to one. On both of these points, Marvel could not disagree more. When it comes to Captain America, Joe Johnston (the director) said that casting needed to be complete by March 1 (uh oh), that the main star wouldn't be that well known (uh oh), and that they were "narrowing things down" (uh oh). Well, it's March 16 and we've added several high-profile actors to the mix. List one was: John Krasinksi, Scott Porter, Mike Vogel, Michael Cassidy, Patrick Fleuger, Chace Crawford, and Garret Hedlund. Then we heard that all but Krasinski were cut. Then we heard that Vogel and Hedlund WEREN'T cut but that Krasinksi WAS cut. Then we heard that Chris Evans and Wilson Bethel were added to the list. Then Ryan Phillippe was added. Now, Channing Tatum was added. I've said it before, and I'll say it again...I have no idea what a Channing Tatum is. So, as near as I can tell. The requirement to play Captain America consists of the ability to pee standing up. I am still reluctantly supporting Ryan Phillippe for this list, although now that they've widened things, I recommend considering Ryan Gosling, who is actually a good actor. The rest of the people on this ever-expanding list kind of suck or at least are totally underwhelming. Now, the second part of the news today is that they are putting out feelers for the female role of Peggy. If you're unfamiliar with the comic, Peggy is the person who is dating Steve Rogers when he becomes Captain America, and she then waves goodbye as he goes to war. Yes, her role is a rich, deep one, consisting of both crying when he says he wants to go to war and then waving when he does go to war. How can any one actress possibly live up to these standards? Clearly, what they're going to do over at Marvel is conduct some kind of exhaustive search based on talent and potential to mine the depth of character. Here are the three choices (so far):

Kiera Knightley
Alice Eve

Emily Blunt

Yes, three British women of suspect talent but inarguable hottitude are being sought to play a weepy American. I'm beginning to think this movie is being cast on some kind of dare or at the very least it's being done by drunks.